Archive for the ‘Stoners’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pre­fer Sub­way Sand­wich­es

Lost-look­ing chick on cell: Why do they al­ways fuck with the trains on week­ends? Don’t they know there are stoned peo­ple try­ing to get home?

–Sub­way Plat­form, Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Poog­tas­tic

Loud­speak­er dis­patch­er la­dy: Hey you! Up­town num­ber 5! You bet­ter stop stick­ing your head out the win­dow and an­swer me on the ra­dio!

–Up­town 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Over­heard by: da sarkastik nin­ja.

El­e­gant gen­tle­man, as train starts to de­part sta­tion: Oh, I did­n’t re­al­ize the train was go­ing to move.

–Crowd­ed Up­town 1 Train

MTA an­nounce­ment: The up­town 1 train is run­ning.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kriszti­na

Dis­patch­er: The ar­riv­ing train will be the next train. The ar­riv­ing train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Over­heard by: Ka­trink

Old man: I’m com­ing, train. I’m com­ing. I’m com­ing, train, you son of a bitch bas­tard!

–6 Train

The Irony is That Said Shirt was Brown

Ston­er #1: So this fuck­ing id­iot was like, “Com­mu­nism is the way, com­rade.” And I was like, “Okay then, give me your shirt.” And he was like, “What, man?” And I was like, “If every­thing’s fifty-fifty, let’s just switch shirts for the day.”
Ston­er #2: What’d he say then?
Ston­er #1: He was like, “You got me, com­rade. I need to think this one over.” And I was like, “Fuck yeah, you com­mu­nist fuck.” Yeah, I told that guy all right.

–Bus to Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Cary Git­ter

Noth­ing Is Re­al and Noth­ing to Get Hung About

Ston­er #1: Man, this is an awe­some place to come and get stoned.
Ston­er #2: Dude, to­tal­ly. This is what John Lennon was all about.
Ac­tu­al Lennon fan near­by: Shut the fuck up! This is sa­cred land! Do not make me get Yoko Ono to fuck you two up!
Ston­er #1: Geez, calm down.
Ston­er #2: Se­ri­ous­ly. Like, give peace a chance or what­ev­er.

–Straw­ber­ry Fields, Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca M

Ac­tu­al­ly, I Think That’s a Guild By­law

Meth ad­dict #1: So… What kind of work you in?
Young woman, hold­ing up name tag which says ‘so­cial work­er’: So­cial Work.
Meth ad­dict #2: Where do you work?
Young woman: Planned par­ent­hood
Meth ad­dict #1: Shit. Can you find her kid? They got him in fos­ter care.
Young woman: No, sor­ry. I don’t work for child ser­vices. Con­tact your coun­ty of­fi­cials and ex­plain your sit­u­a­tion to them.
Meth ad­dict #2: Yeah I don’t know where he is at. Can you get him?
Young woman: I work at Planned Par­ent­hood. Sor­ry.
Meth ad­dict #2: Just ’cause you’re pret­ty you can’t treat peo­ple like shit.
Young woman: Just be­cause you do drugs does­n’t mean you should­n’t brush your teeth.

–Up­town 4 train