Archive for the ‘Stoners’ Category

Ac­tu­al­ly, I Think That’s a Guild By­law

Meth ad­dict #1: So… What kind of work you in?
Young woman, hold­ing up name tag which says ‘so­cial work­er’: So­cial Work.
Meth ad­dict #2: Where do you work?
Young woman: Planned par­ent­hood
Meth ad­dict #1: Shit. Can you find her kid? They got him in fos­ter care.
Young woman: No, sor­ry. I don’t work for child ser­vices. Con­tact your coun­ty of­fi­cials and ex­plain your sit­u­a­tion to them.
Meth ad­dict #2: Yeah I don’t know where he is at. Can you get him?
Young woman: I work at Planned Par­ent­hood. Sor­ry.
Meth ad­dict #2: Just ’cause you’re pret­ty you can’t treat peo­ple like shit.
Young woman: Just be­cause you do drugs does­n’t mean you should­n’t brush your teeth.

–Up­town 4 train

I Wan­na Dip My Wednes­day One-Lin­ers in It!

Dude, walk­ing up to se­cu­ri­ty desk in emer­gency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.

–St. Lukes Roo­sevelt Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: Kate Melvin

Ston­er chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the pho­tos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.

–7 train

Over­heard by: bron­wyn

Out-of-place gui­do: I ain’t wear­ing noth­in’ that touch­es my balls to my ass­hole!

–8th Ave

Over­heard by: finds it com­fort­ing

Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!”

–E 85th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.

–Broad­way & W 4th

Over­heard by: Jake R

Guy #1 to guy #2: I re­al­ly think you’d feel a lot bet­ter if you felt my balls.

–6th Ave & Bleeck­er

Wait, Is­n’t Lou Reed Still Alive?

Stoned hip­ster #1: Dude, Van Gogh is the Sex Pis­tols.
Stoned hip­ster #2: Huh?
Stoned hip­ster #1: Be­cause, think about it: Van Gogh nev­er sold a paint­ing while he was alive, and the Sex Pis­tols nev­er won any awards or noth­ing. Yet they’re both ap­pre­ci­at­ed in our time.
Stoned hip­ster #2: It’s more like Van Gogh is The Vel­vet Un­der­ground.
Stoned hip­ster #1: Oh my god, Van Gogh is so The Vel­vet Un­der­ground!

–Bow­ery Ball­room

Over­heard by: Abram