Archive for the ‘Store’ Category

It’s Very Cute

Hip­ster girl: I haven’t seen any of your Face­book pic­tures, and I’ve been your friend for like a year!
Hip­ster boy: Re­al­ly? You should.
Hip­ster girl: I’m check­ing them right now.
Hip­ster boy: Let me warn you, though — there are a lot of pic­tures of my pe­nis on there.
Hip­ster girl: Oh, I’m used to that.

–Ap­ple Store, 5th Ave

Home Is Where You Hang Your Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Sales­woman to cus­tomer on busy day: Some days you re­al­ly should just stay at home. You’re cranky.

–Ma­cy’s, Her­ald Square

Loud black la­dy on cell: Moth­a­fuck­ah, I ain’t no one-night stand. If you think you can fuckin’ call me at 10:30 to 11:00 at night and fuckin’ pull me out of my home with my kids, then you must think I’m some oth­er… [whis­pers] bitch.

–Mail room, Fi­nan­cial Dis­trict

Woman on cell: Good, that way she won’t be able to beat on any­one else’s house guests! Let her sit at home and beat on her own house guests!

–M14 bus

Over­heard by: Eye­teeth

Con­duc­tor: Jes­si­ca! Jes­si­ca! Girl, you on this train. Jes­si­ca Eliz­a­beth! I’m tak­ing you home, girl.

–6 train

Over­heard by: frida­holic

How Could You Not Love This Town?

Cashier: How are you?
Cus­tomer: Do you want the hon­est an­swer?
Cashier: Yes.
Cus­tomer: I feel like the busi­ness end of a don­key. I am ex­treme­ly hun­gover and did a moun­tain of co­caine last night. Now I have to make din­ner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is try­ing to fuck me.
Cashier: I’m… sor­ry.
Cus­tomer: And the woman I love is in an­oth­er state preg­nant with her ex-boyfriend’s ba­by, and I wish the ba­by was mine. And I’m sleep­ing with a dom­i­na­trix. And it’s all true.

–Whole Foods

I’d Rather Date Her

Boyfriend hold­ing up slut­ty top: What about this one?
Girl­friend: If you were a girl you’d be the biggest skank in New York.

–Char­lotte Russe, Man­hat­tan Mall, 33rd & 6th

Head­line by: Scott

Run­ners-Up:

· “And knock the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty right off that pedestal.” — LORI

· “But at least it flat­ters my man-boobs” — An­drew

· “I learned from the best” — Bre­anne S.

· “Putting the “Ho” back in “Home­boy”” — cinekat

· “What She Does­n’t Know Won’t Hurt Her” — Al­i­son R.


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