Archive for the ‘Store’ Category

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?

–Greenpoint Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: cameo

Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!

–Rockafeller Plaza

Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pillow Fight, Union Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!

–Topshop

This Time We’ll Watch Softball and Drink Beer

Girl #1: Oh my gosh, this is so cool.
Girl #2: I know. [Smiles.]
Girl #1: Thanks for bringing me here, I love you. I am so glad I became a lesbian, if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have met you!
Girl #2: Aww, thanks. Do you want to go to my apartment now?
Girl #1: Yes! Let’s go. Are we going to have fun like we did last night?
Girl #2: Even more, baby.

–M&M Store, Times Square

That Explains All Those Cuts on My Penis!

Dude #1: Oh, The Spiderwick Chronicles is out!
Dude #2 (in awe): Dude, did you see that?
Dude #1: Yeah, it was amazing!
Dude #2: Yeah? How were the graphics?
Dude #1: Dude–amazing!
Dude #2: Dude–you have braces!
Dude #1: Yeah, dude, I told you. God!

–Blockbuster

Overheard by: brianfair

Headline by: mike

Runners-Up:
· “And the Winner for Youngest Bro Of the Week Goes To….” – jumpstop
· “Ashton Kutcher Needs to Stop Producing Reality TV” – D. Emmy
· “Even Siskel & Ebert Had to Start Somewhere.” – space coyote
· “Life Imitates Ashton Kutcher Films…” – Duuude
· “Someone’s Getting Laid Tonight!” – lisa

Click here to see the new Headline Contest