Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Strangers’ Category

As the Dodgers Said in 1957

Guy #1: (howls like an an­i­mal)
Guy #2: (makes owl noise and starts hoot­ing)
Group of peo­ple, in­clud­ing guys #1 and #2: (all start mak­ing an­i­mal calls, screams, hoots etc)
Man #1 on train: Shut the fuck up!
Group of howlers: (spo­rad­i­cal­ly throws in more an­i­mal nois­es and then pro­fuse­ly thanks the glar­ing au­di­ence as they ex­it train)
Man#2 on train: At least they’re some­one else’s prob­lem now.
Man#1 on train: I’m nev­er go­ing to Brook­lyn again.

–F Train

Over­heard by: it on­ly takes 3 stops to de­cide

To­day It’s a Lol­ly. To­mor­row It’s a BMW

(wait­ing in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mom­my, I re­al­ly want a lol­lipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here hon­ey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lol­lipop, okay?
(moth­er ig­nores him)
Kid: Just give in, it’s okay, I want one. It’s okay to give in, mom.
(pause)
Kid: Mom, this is­n’t go­ing to work for me! I want a lol­lipop!
Ran­dom guy in line: Re­sist!

–As­so­ci­at­ed Su­per­mar­kets, Bleeck­er & La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Caitlin­is­NewHere

No Van­i­ty-Based Busi­ness Plan Can Fail in New York

Ja­maican guy hold­ing full length mir­ror: One dol­lar to look at your­self in the mir­ror! One dol­lar! I am the first to come up with this idea! Don’t steal it, or I’ll sue you… [He’s ig­nored.] Okay, first time is free! C’­mon, first time free! Or gimme a quar­ter!
Laugh­ing kid: Yo, what are you smok­ing, man?
Ja­maican guy: I smoke blood! I don’t drink blood, I smoke blood!
Un­re­lat­ed Ja­maican girl: Why you so loud? Shut up al­ready.
Ja­maican guy: I’m sor­ry, ma. You’re so beau­ti­ful. I look at you, I just can’t be­lieve how beau­ti­ful you are. How ’bout you gimme one dol­lar, look in the mir­ror?

–6 train

Over­heard by: Sam Mc­Der­mott

Your Friend — She Is Cock­block­ing, Yes?

Awk­ward French Casano­va: Ex­cuse me?
Chick in huge sun­glass­es: What?
Awk­ward French Casano­va: Your neck­lace — it is a bat?
Chick in huge sun­glass­es: Yeah.
Awk­ward French Casano­va: You like bats?
Chick in huge sun­glass­es: Yeah.
Awk­ward French Casano­va: And your sun­glass­es — are they heavy?
Chick in huge sun­glass­es: Nope.
Awk­ward French Casano­va: Ah. And I see you–
Chick­’s friend, in­ter­rupt­ing: –Will you shut the fuck up?!

–1 train

Over­heard by: free­dom fries?

When We Took Your Wal­let and Di­vid­ed It Up Amongst Us, for In­stance.

Drunk guy in full New Year re­galia: Well, I’m from fuckin’ Penn­syl­va­nia and I nev­er seen any­thing like this! This shit is fan­tas­tic! Woo!
Ir­ri­tat­ed sober woman: Re­al­ly? No one on this train had any idea you weren’t from New York!

–Up­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Night Train, Thun­der­bird and Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Crazy hobo with gui­tar to stranger: Damn… you in­vit­ed a lot of peo­ple.

–1 Train

Hobo to young mar­ried cou­ple: I have found the promised land. Se­ri­ous­ly. I’d get a plane tick­et right now, but it’d be cheap­er to go to con­fes­sion for a week and then get hit by a bus. Re­mind me to tell you about this lat­er.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Oliv­er

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-some­thing girl walks past him, with busi­ness­man a few steps be­hind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thomp­son

Hobo, tak­ing do­na­tions to help the home­less, count­ing coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fist­ful of coins sticks in pock­et) Tax re­bate!

–Union Square