Archive for the ‘Street’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Mo­town equiv­a­lent of Ken­ny G.

–113th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leav­ing screen­ing of “I am leg­end”: Okay… I can­not be­lieve the woman did not know Bob Mar­ley! I mean, that had to be the most un­re­al­is­tic thing in that en­tire film.

–Fresh Mead­ows, Queens

Over­heard by: hm­mm…

Curly-haired chick: Has New Or­der be­come an okay kinky sex back­ground band? Am I *old*?

–113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Guy, stand­ing next to guy lis­ten­ing to Jour­ney on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the con­cert: Yeah, a lot of peo­ple think that the Spice Girls like, re­in­stat­ed fem­i­nism.

–NJ Tran­sit

Yale grad: Em­inem has a won­der­ful sense of me­ter.

–Court St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Justin Case­ment

Queer: We on­ly stayed for 15 min­utes, I’m not that in­to karaoke. And when a coven of les­bians start cast­ing their spells to “My Sharona”, I was out­ta there.”

–Cham­bers & Green­wich

Over­heard by: Grand Witch Muffy

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: So Life­like!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would to­tal­ly do it!

–Queens

Mid­dle-aged Lati­no: I’ve got bar­bie dolls!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

News­pa­per ven­dor: Cause I have that mul­ti­ple sneez­ing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bob­ble-head doll!

–96th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: Galatea

Girl leav­ing nail sa­lon: It looks like Mal­ibu Bar­bie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bill

De­spon­dent lit­tle girl in cof­fee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much be­cause you said we’re not sup­posed to play in the med­i­ta­tion room.

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

Wednes­day, with a One-Lin­er Chas­er

Fe­male day-drink­ing tourist: Oh shit, I left my vod­ka in the church!

–Out­side Trin­i­ty Church

Man on cell: If it’s pos­si­ble to fer­ment it, we have fer­ment­ed it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Mid­dle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the oth­er. I’m like that. My blad­der has room for the equiv­a­lent of one good cock­tail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Over­heard by: Ah.…middle age

Com­muter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: ba­con­ista

Old drunk walk­ing in­to a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my pre­scrip­tion?

–Broad­way & 106th St

Over­heard by: rick­bruner

Make Womb for Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Suit on phone: I don’t think she knows. (pause) But it’s just a night job! (pause) No, there’s no way I’m preg­nant. (pause) Why not?! Be­cause I’m a man, god­dammit!

–Star­bucks

Woman on cell: So re­mem­ber that time I thought I had that mis­car­riage?

–Grand Con­course & Ford­ham Road

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca S

Slight­ly over­weight girl: Thank you for the of­fer, sweet­ie, but I’m not preg­nant. I’m just fat!

–M100 Bus

Over­heard by: Tina­thetiny

Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were go­ing to im­preg­nate *me*. I wan­na have *your* chil­dren.

–Prince & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ken Pa­proc­ki

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go for the Jugu­lar

Slut­ty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shit­ting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Sta­di­um

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: jax

Chick laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleed­ing from his eye sock­ets and shit. (pause) So you wan­na meet up lat­er?

–Willough­by & Van­der­bilt

Wheres­day One-Lin­ers

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Cen­tral!

–Broad­way & Wa­ver­ly

Guy on Side­kick to an­oth­er: I was­n’t sure if he was talk­ing about Buf­fa­lo or Bal­ti­more! I mean, I don’t even know where Buf­fa­lo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sob­bing on cell: You don’t un­der­stand! They told me I was sup­posed to go to Penn Sta­tion but I just don’t know where that is!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: queenof­s­cots

Guy on cell: I don’t get it–why go all the way to Ire­land if you’re not go­ing to go see Stone­henge?

–Cost­co, Brook­lyn

Girl­friend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Over­heard by: Spe­cial K

With This Ring, I Thee Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to mar­ry me and you hes­i­tat­ed. You hes­i­tat­ed!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Act­ing pro­fes­sor: Act as if you’re fas­ci­nat­ed by what they’re say­ing, while think­ing about some­thing else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get mar­ried.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Lisa

Man, ad­vis­ing an­oth­er flirt­ing with hot woman: You got­ta go for it–unless she’s mar­ried!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to an­oth­er: Yeah, well… I’ll let you mar­ry my daugh­ter!

–10th St & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So ba­si­cal­ly, I took her to a gay bar on our wed­ding night.

–Cen­tral Park

Chick to guy: Are we *se­ri­ous­ly* ar­gu­ing about whether or not aunt Jemi­ma would sup­port gay mar­riage?

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle