Archive for the ‘Strippers’ Category

I Was Sick for Take Your Daugh­ter to Work Day.

Long Is­land girl: 42nd St is where there is lots of pros­ti­tu­tion, right?
Fe­male friend: What?
Long Is­land girl: Yeah, I thought I heard that 42nd St was where all the pros­ti­tutes were?
Fe­male friend: Ummm…that’s like Times Square. It’s a ma­jor touristy spot.
Male friend: Maybe there’s an oc­ca­sion­al strip club?
Long Is­land girl: Oh my god, I re­al­ly want to go to a strip club–I’ve nev­er been to one be­fore!

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Amused

Head­line by: 1310 (for­mer­ly SNA)

Run­ners-Up:
· “As the Eco­nom­ic Cri­sis Wors­ens, Margie Be­comes In­creas­ing­ly Des­per­ate for a Job.” — Car­la
· “I Thought Mass Tourism WAS Whor­ing Your­self Out ?” — Cass
· “If Par­ents Don’t Have the Sex In­dus­try Talk, Some­one Else Will” — space coy­ote
· “Long Is­landers and Tourists Have Be­come One.” — Fres­ca
· “That’s How They Get New Re­cruits” — Skw­erl!

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

No Wednes­day One-Lin­ers in the Cham­pagne Room

Soc­cer mom: In two weeks, my knit­ting cir­cle’s go­ing to the strip club.

–28th & Lex

Girl: I want to be­come a strip­per so that I can see Pat­ti LuPone in Gyp­sy every night.

–St. James The­atre

Over­heard by: Erin

Loud NYU chick: Lis­ten to the open­ing gui­tar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a strip­per!

–Bob­st Li­brary

Over­heard by: evil em

Six-year-old boy to par­ents: Oohh! Zom­bie strip­pers! Let’s see that!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Young, Ur­ban Pro­fes­sion­als

Fe­male yup­pie: As a gen­er­al rule of thumb, I think I should re­frain from go­ing to the Hus­tler Club with my male boss and co-work­ers from now on.

–Down­town C train

Over­heard by: amused pas­sen­ger

Yup­pie: It was the most in­tense Ha­va Nag­i­lah I’d ever seen.

–43rd & Lex

Yup­pie, ex­am­in­ing the New York Pub­lic Li­brary: Wow, that li­brary is such a waste of re­al es­tate!

–42nd & 5th Av­enue

Over­heard by: Read­er Rab­bit

Emo Girl to friend: Oh I love Whole Foods, its like Wal-Mart for Yup­pies.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: Ad­die Wa­genknecht

Yup­pie, to Mc­Don­ald’s cashier: Do you have French vanil­la ca­puc­ci­no?

–Mc­Don­ald’s, 34th & 10th

Hillary Knows How To Host a Re-elec­tion Par­ty

Girl #1: Re­mem­ber at that par­ty when that strip­per picked up a dol­lar bill with her pussy lips?
Girl #2: Ohhh, yeah — that was­n’t a strip­per. That was a full-on whore.

–77th & 1st

Over­heard by: mjg

Head­line by: clink

Run­ners-Up:
· “… and It Was­n’t a Dol­lar Bill. That Was a Full-on Pe­nis” — Caro
· “Amer­i­ca DOES Have Tal­ent” — Staci Lynn
· “Be­cause I Saw That Thing Give Change” — nicky c.
· “But We Call Her Aunt Gladys” — Mark Paul
· “I Was Just Shocked She Did It through Her Jeans.” — SAtCW
· “Kind Of Like the Dif­fer­ence Be­tween Mau­ry Povich and Springer” — alana lan­da

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

I Like to Braid It Us­ing On­ly My Tongue

Woman with strong South­ern ac­cent: I am gonna have her bach­e­lorette par­ty in my apart­ment next week­end.
Hus­band: (nods)
Woman: But the god­damn strip­per won’t re­turn my phone calls.
(wait­ress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Wait­ress: Tequi­la, on us.
Woman: This’ll put hair on my boo­bies.
Hus­band’s friends: That’s just how he likes it.
Hus­band: (nods)

–Broth­er Jim­my’s BBQ, Up­per West Side

Who Needs a Tele­vi­sion When You Have New York?

De­ranged woman singing “Great­est Love of All”: “They can’t take away my di­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­ig­ni­ty…“
Pas­sen­ger: She do­ing a strip­per dance on that pole! Looks like they took her dig­ni­ty!
De­ranged woman: Mom­mase, mom­masa, mom­ma makosa.
Pas­sen­ger: She bilin­gual! But she got her dig­ni­ty back!

–2 Train

Over­heard by: nev­er touch the pole

There Are No Small Wednes­days– On­ly Small One-Lin­ers.

Girl on cell, de­fi­ant­ly: Lis­ten, I can keep my midget in your clos­et when­ev­er I damn please!

–72nd & Colum­bus

Man hand­ing out cards to ran­dom passers-by: They have midget strip­pers, bud­dy, and you can bring your gui­tar!

–42nd & 7th

Over­heard by: Katy

Guy, to friend: You can’t call your­self a grown man if you sit down and your feet dan­gle off the chair.

–Vic­to­ri­a’s Se­cret

Over­heard by: Emm

Black guy push­ing cart: Man, I miss my two-head­ed midget friend… He was my best man.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Have I been an an­gry lit­tle munchkin?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: TheMac