Archive for the ‘Students’ Category

Don’t For­get about That One “I’m Too Hun­gover to Grade”

Stu­dent: So, I was won­der­ing if I could know how I did on that pre­sen­ta­tion last week.
Pro­fes­sor: Oh, yes, yes — you did won­der­ful!
Stu­dent: No, I mean, like, how did I do?
Pro­fes­sor: Won­der­ful. You did won­der­ful.
Stu­dent: So… Is that my grade?
Pro­fes­sor: Yes.
Stu­dent: Great, now I have all ze­ro’s and a ‘Won­der­ful.’ I won­der what that av­er­ages out to.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

You Ghet­to-of-the-Ivy-League Pos­er

Co­lum­bia stu­dent: Do you go to NYU?
NYU stu­dent: Yes, how did you know?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their stu­dents from the home­less shel­ter.
NYU stu­dent: Ex­cuse me?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I’m your biggest en­e­my.
NYU stu­dent: What?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I go to Co­lum­bia.
NYU stu­dent: Can you leave me alone?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: Coop­er Union Stu­dent

…As I Will Ex­plain on All My Col­lege Ap­pli­ca­tions.

Blonde sev­enth grad­er, about Holo­caust: Yeah, like, I’m Jew­ish on my mom’s side, you’re Asian. So, ba­si­cal­ly every­one in our class would have died from the Nazis.
Asian sev­enth grad­er, to oth­er friend: Ex­cept for Lau­ra.
Lau­ra: What? Why?
Asian sev­enth grad­er: Be­cause you’re white.
Lau­ra: I’m not white! I’m like… Pink­ish or some­thing.

–93rd St & Am­s­ter­dam

And Is­n’t a “Safe­ty Po­si­tion”, Like, a Sex Thing?

Col­lege girl #1: I mean, if I saw a per­son seiz­ing in the mid­dle of the street, I prob­a­bly would­n’t help them.
Col­lege girl #2: Yeah, I would­n’t know what to do.
Col­lege girl #1: She said that be­cause of her first aid class, she knew to put him in a safe­ty po­si­tion, but I don’t even know what that means! I mean, if a per­son is hav­ing a seizure, I don’t think any po­si­tion is very safe for them…

–Madi­son Square Gar­den

Over­heard by: Scar­lett

How to Make a Stu­dent Yearn to Dis­cuss Poly­no­mi­als

Fe­male tu­tor: Okay, so do you want a soy hot choco­late?
12-year-old stu­dent: No, that tastes fun­ny.
Fe­male tu­tor: So you want cow milk, eh? How would you feel if you were hooked up to a ma­chine all day giv­ing milk?
(stu­dent is silent)
Fe­male tu­tor: You know it’s breast milk right?
Stu­dent: Yeah.
Fe­male tu­tor: Moooooo moooooo. (makes suck­ling noise.) Moooo moooo! (Makes suck­ling noise)

–Hop­scotch

Over­heard by: bildita