Archive for the ‘Students’ Category

Wednes­day-One-Lin­er and Dis­or­der­ly

Stu­dent: I feel like I’m drunk. Like when I was six.

–Mid­dle School Dance, Span­ish Harlem

Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!

–Cen­tral Park

Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first in­to a chair: Don’t wor­ry about him, he’s just drunk.

–In­di­an Road Cafe, In­wood

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!

–Uni­ver­si­ty & 9th St

A Smor­gash­board Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry any­thing. I don’t even fry my food any­more.

–47th & 6th

Over­heard by: A very dis­turbed News­bun­ny

Old Jew­ish woman to hus­band hold­ing restau­rant left­overs: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Is­rael!

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: What a waste!

Prep­py guy: At least *I’m* not the one mo­lest­ing fic­tion­al ce­re­al pitch­men.

–Park Slope, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: La­dle

Girl on cell, talk­ing loud­ly: I don’t know what I want, but what­ev­er I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Prep­py girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Fe­male new stu­dent to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole bur­ri­to-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Over­heard by: Catie

I Bet She Had Some ‘Splain­ing to Do

Co­lum­bia guy: So then Car­o­line* de­cid­ed to take all of his valu­ables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Co­lum­bia chick: That’s hi­lar­i­ous!

–114th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ein La­dle

Head­line by: Mikey G.

Run­ners-Up:
· “And Af­ter He Killed Her, He Pre­tend­ed to Do CPR!” — Je­sus­F­reak
· “And She Did­n’t Check the Psy­cho Box on Match.com” — di­grun­tled in­ter­net dater
· “He Did­n’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Sur­prise Birth­day Par­ty Ei­ther…” — Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kid­ding Your Place Was­n’t Robbed Sex” Was Awe­some, Too.” — anon­mouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Mas­culin­i­ty” on In­sur­ance Claim Forms” — Jamie

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

You Can’t Judge a Wednes­day by Its One-Lin­er

Col­lege stu­dent: This is the best Barnes & No­ble I’ve ever seen!

–Bor­ders, Time Warn­er Cen­ter

Stu­dent: So, the au­thor of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-low… Fuck it, we’re call­ing him L‑train.

–Eu­gene Lang Col­lege

Over­heard by: Hark­er

Large woman with friends: Oh, girl, I got to tell you about this book I’m read­ing. It’s off the hook! They’re send­ing in this un­der­cov­er agent, and I think it’s his sis­ter, but he’s all get­ting ready to have sex with her!

–White Cas­tle, 36th & 8th

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Woman on phone: I was in Union Square, so I stopped in Barnes & No­ble. (pause) Nig­ga, I can read!

–Union Square

Lit­tle British boy: Oh my good­ness, dad, look! They have books on dat­ing. How to Date? is prob­a­bly like, “Don’t take her to Mc­Don­ald’s!”

–Barnes & No­ble

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

Tat­tooed art­sy guy, putting hand on art­sy Asian girl’s shoul­der: I read your book and re­al­ly liked it… lot­ta piss­ing, huh?

–Mott & Prince