Archive for the ‘Students’ Category

Reg­u­lar Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman: …Then they gave him en­e­mas un­til it ran clear. Now he has­n’t had a move­ment in three days. Should I be wor­ried?

–Sub­way

Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the up­stairs bath­room.

–44th & 3rd

Am­bigu­ous­ly gay ac­tor: Flow­ers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Over­heard by: a girl who poops

Fresh­man chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.

–Re­stroom, Hunter Col­lege

Cheru­bic blonde chick to an­oth­er: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Suit-in-train­ing: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I for­got.

–NYU Stern Build­ing

Guy wait­ing for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We got­ta go out here!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: KeeZ

… So I Maced Him.

Col­lege girl: When­ev­er I tell any­one that I was there when you dis­lo­cat­ed your shoul­der they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were hav­ing sex.
20-ish guy: Ha­ha­ha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it hap­pen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?‘
Col­lege girl, ex­cit­ed­ly: That’s ex­act­ly what my dad said!

–River­side Park

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

Well, Yeah — In Case It’s Not Ap­ple Cider

Stu­dent #1: Holy shit. That girl just dropped ap­ple cider and a carv­ing knife out of her suit­case.
Stu­dent #2: Right, but you’re al­so bare­foot and wear­ing a scu­ba mask.

–El­e­va­tor, Hay­den Res­i­dence Hall

Over­heard by: Will be us­ing the el­e­va­tors less fre­quent­ly