Girl #1: I have raisins living in my bag.
Girl #2: … We really are the same person.
–Bard High School Early College
Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category
It’s Really More Of a Paper Product
Student #1: Is lettuce a vegetable?
Student #2: No. It’s a salad.
–24th St & Lexington
Are You Now, or Have You Ever Been, a Member Of the Communist Party?
20-something woman: Do you have decaffeinated tea?
Waitress: Yes.
20-something woman: Does it have caffeine in it?
Waitress: No?
–86th & York
Overheard by: Silently Amused
If Only!
Man: What? Little Richard isn’t gay, is he?
Lady: No, he isn’t gay. Isn’t Little Richard’s daughter Nicole Richie?
–Video store, 14th & Ave A
Overheard by: Such a pretty me baby!
Wednesday One-Liners Have Trouble Re-Folding the Map
New Yorker: …and then the tourists paused near the construction of the New York Times’ new building, and one, who was I guess their leader, pointed to it and said, “Everyone, that’s Ground Zero.”
–26th & Park
Tourist: And this is H Street. So we’ll be in SoHo next.
–Houston Street
Tourist girl: Oh, look! I think that’s Times Square!
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: Sumitra
Woman on cell: No, I can’t. I’m in the Times Square area right now.
–Canal & Baxter
Overheard by: Steph J.
Dude: Excuse me, is this Times Square?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Dumbfounded
Teenage girl: Does this train go to Manhattan?
–Times Square, waiting for the downtown C train
Overheard by: Courtney
Tourist: Wait, are we in Manhattan or just New York?
–Times Square
Overheard by: betsy
Australian hipster: Could you tell me how to get back to Manhattan?
–112th & Broadway
And, by the Way, ‘Grammatically Correctly’ Is Needlessly Redundant
Belligerent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be trying!
Belligerent white woman: You should speak gramatically correctly!
Smartass: “I be trying” isn’t ungrammatical. It’s standard usage in African-American vernacular English.
Belligerent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smartass: I have a Ph.D. in linguistics from MIT.
–A train
Wheresday One-Liners
NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Central!
–Broadway & Waverly
Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn’t sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don’t even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?
–1 Train
Overheard by: amalthya
Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don’t understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don’t know where that is!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: queenofscots
Guy on cell: I don’t get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you’re not going to go see Stonehenge?
–Costco, Brooklyn
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?
–85th & 1st
Overheard by: Special K
Or Timbuktu?
Guy: I like to travel a lot.
Girl: Ohhh! Have you ever been to New Jersey?
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: Ross
If We Got Married, It Wouldn’t Be an Issue!
Bimbette #1: Oh my god! I just realized my brother and I have the same last name!
Bimbette #2: Really?
Bimbette #1: Yeah, it never hit me before.
–BX10 Bus
Overheard by: My mom and I too
He Wanted to Buy It Now
Woman #1: I was selling some stuff on eBay, but got scared.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because they kept asking too many questions.
Woman #2: Who?
Woman #1: The buyers.
Woman #2: Like what?
Woman #1: They wanted to know if the Louis Vuitton bag and belt I was selling was real. It freaked me out.
Woman #2: So what happened?
Woman #1: I ended the sale, because I had two people watching me and I got scared.
Woman #2: Watching you?
Woman #1: Yeah, they can watch to see who bids and how much they bid and then they can try to make a last minute bid.
Woman #2: Okay, but why didn’t you sell the stuff?
Woman #1: I was scared and this guy kept asking me to send pictures.
–Amy Ruth’s, West 116th Street
Overheard by: Ann-Marie Nicholson
