Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: So Life­like!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would to­tal­ly do it!

–Queens

Mid­dle-aged Lati­no: I’ve got bar­bie dolls!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

News­pa­per ven­dor: Cause I have that mul­ti­ple sneez­ing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bob­ble-head doll!

–96th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: Galatea

Girl leav­ing nail sa­lon: It looks like Mal­ibu Bar­bie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bill

De­spon­dent lit­tle girl in cof­fee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much be­cause you said we’re not sup­posed to play in the med­i­ta­tion room.

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

At Least She’s Read­ing

Ghet­to chick: Ex­cuse me! Ex­cuse me! What’s the name of the tow­ers that got knocked down?
In­cred­u­lous passer­by: Umm … The World Trade Cen­ter.
Ghet­to chick to thug boyfriend: See! I told you it was­n’t none of that twin tow­ers. You think­ing of Lord of the Rings.

–Vesey St

Go­ing to the STD Clin­ic (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

In­di­an chick: So I was watch­ing VH1 and it was a show about child stars. You know, Drew Bar­ry­more, Jodie Fos­ter–
Asian chick: What? Jodie Fos­ter was a child star?
In­di­an chick: Yeah. She was a child pros­ti­tute at like, 13, and they made a movie about it and every­thing.

In­di­an chick: Look­it that chart. They’re rank­ing con­doms, see? Tro­jan Mag­num, then Reg­u­lar Tro­jans, then Tro­jan Ul­tra Sheer, then Durex Reg­u­lar, then Lifestyles, and then Lifestyle Ul­tra-Sen­si­tive, see?
Asian chick: Mmm. Tro­jan Ul­tra Sheers, yeah.
In­di­an chick: But Durex has at least one more that should go in there! Durex has a Mag­num too and it’s re­al­ly good.
Asian chick: So yeah, what’s their deal?
In­di­an chick: Like, it’ all about how well they en­dure. Not how much plea­sure they give. Fuck­ing gov­ern­ment chart.

In­di­an chick: Any­way. I’m def­i­nite­ly thinkin’ about havin’ my kids in a for­eign coun­try. Like, dual cit­i­zen­ship. Just take a se­mes­ter off, fly to Britain for a month, and voila.
Asian chick: That’s the cra­zi­est thing I’ve ever heard. What for?
In­di­an chick: They just come out cool­er, that’s all.

–Chelsea Health Cen­ter, 9th Av­enue

Over­heard by: capn mid­nite

Since I’m Still On­ly Halfway Through Great Sex­pec­ta­tions

Hip­ster girl: You know, you re­al­ly should try read­ing some­thing with more sub­stance… Like War and Peace.
Queer, flip­ping through fash­ion mag: ‘Warm Piece’? Is that, like, porn?
Hip­ster girl: I said, War. And. Peace.
Queer: Okay, I’m not read­ing any mag­a­zine I’ve nev­er even heard of.

–F train

Over­heard by: Kathy Ian­doli