Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category

…By Glaz­ing Over the Truth.

Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts… Which ones?
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I’ll just give you a se­lec­tion of six. (starts putting ran­dom donuts in bag)
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts, don’t trick me.

–Flat­bush, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Trou­ble Re-Fold­ing the Map

New York­er: …and then the tourists paused near the con­struc­tion of the New York Times’ new build­ing, and one, who was I guess their leader, point­ed to it and said, “Every­one, that’s Ground Ze­ro.”

–26th & Park

Tourist: And this is H Street. So we’ll be in So­Ho next.

–Hous­ton Street

Tourist girl: Oh, look! I think that’s Times Square!

–Broad­way & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Sum­i­tra

Woman on cell: No, I can’t. I’m in the Times Square area right now.

–Canal & Bax­ter

Over­heard by: Steph J.

Dude: Ex­cuse me, is this Times Square?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Dumb­found­ed

Teenage girl: Does this train go to Man­hat­tan?

–Times Square, wait­ing for the down­town C train

Over­heard by: Court­ney

Tourist: Wait, are we in Man­hat­tan or just New York?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: bet­sy

Aus­tralian hip­ster: Could you tell me how to get back to Man­hat­tan?

–112th & Broad­way

And, by the Way, ‘Gram­mat­i­cal­ly Cor­rect­ly’ Is Need­less­ly Re­dun­dant

Bel­liger­ent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be try­ing!
Bel­liger­ent white woman: You should speak gra­mat­i­cal­ly cor­rect­ly!
Smar­tass: “I be try­ing” is­n’t un­gram­mat­i­cal. It’s stan­dard us­age in African-Amer­i­can ver­nac­u­lar Eng­lish.
Bel­liger­ent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smar­tass: I have a Ph.D. in lin­guis­tics from MIT.

–A train

Wheres­day One-Lin­ers

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Cen­tral!

–Broad­way & Wa­ver­ly

Guy on Side­kick to an­oth­er: I was­n’t sure if he was talk­ing about Buf­fa­lo or Bal­ti­more! I mean, I don’t even know where Buf­fa­lo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sob­bing on cell: You don’t un­der­stand! They told me I was sup­posed to go to Penn Sta­tion but I just don’t know where that is!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: queenof­s­cots

Guy on cell: I don’t get it–why go all the way to Ire­land if you’re not go­ing to go see Stone­henge?

–Cost­co, Brook­lyn

Girl­friend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Over­heard by: Spe­cial K