Archive for the ‘Stuyvesant Town’ Category

With New Stereo­types Ar­riv­ing Dai­ly, It’s Hard to Keep Up

Black bag­ger: I got to get me a soos. Man, I need a soos. Hon­ey, you know where I could get me one?
Black woman pay­ing for gro­ceries: No.
Black bag­ger: Oh, hey I bet this guy knows. Hey guy! You! Do you know where I could find me a mas­sage ther­a­pist?
White guy in line: I have no idea.
Black bag­ger: Oh, damn; I thought you’d know.

–Su­per­mar­ket, Nos­trand Ave, Stuyvesant Town

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

When You Wednes­day Up­on a One-Lin­er, It Makes No Dif­fer­ence Who You Are

Guy walk­ing by him­self: I wish every­body who is not men­tal­ly ill would just drop dead!

–9th St, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Rear Ad­mi­ral Butts

Guy (ad­mir­ing­ly, to at­trac­tive girl pass­ing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Ditzy girl to an­oth­er, about her boyfriend: He’s teach­ing him­self phi­los­o­phy right now. He bought a phi­los­o­phy dic­tio­nary. He can do that, you know, be­cause he’s so smart. I wish I could do that!

–As­to­ria

Over­heard by: square­hand

Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my al­bum.

–Mu­se­um of Mod­ern Art

Over­heard by: Gi­no

Se­ri­ous girl: I wish I had got­ten the ovaries!

–Ko­re­an Bap­tist Church, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Evan

Un­less It’s an Ap­pari­tion Do­ing the Mo­lest­ing, Like That Hot Scene in Ghost­busters

Girl #1: I am so wast­ed. I got mo­lest­ed by some Mex­i­can at this sleep­over par­ty thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and every­one was fight­ing cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law say­ing that you can’t mo­lest some­one while they’re sleep­ing.
Girl #2: Ac­tu­al­ly, I think there’s a law say­ing you can’t mo­lest some­one, pe­ri­od.

–Stuyvesant High School

Over­heard by: if walls had ears

And So’s That Guy Who Plays Key­board for the Mup­pets. What’s Your Point?

Young Man #1: No, no no no!
Young Man #2: You’re wrong and they’re wrong.
Young Man #1: Naw, man, look-
Young Man #2: You are WRONG and they are WRONG.
Young Man #1: They can’t, it’s not like-
Young Man #2: A psy­chi­a­trist is a DOC­TOR, man.
Young Man #1: So is a mas­sage ther­a­pist!

–39th & 12th

Over­heard by: Keri

Just One More Hit of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Con­duc­tor: At­ten­tion, ladies and gen­tle­men, there’s a slight de­lay due to re­ports of some­body smok­ing crack… and oth­er stuff… on the back of the train.

–Church Ave

Over­heard by: Katie & Jaime

Teen girl, to old­er woman: You ‘posed to eat. Ain’t ‘posed to smoke no rock!

–Clas­son & DeKalb

Queer in RA’s of­fice: Now, when we got there they were sell­ing hash brown­ies and weed muffins — we were in Am­s­ter­dam — and every­one else was try­ing some, so I fig­ured I would, too. Then we went to the Anne Frank Mu­se­um, and of course that’s when they start­ed kick­ing in…

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Wish­es he heard the rest of the sto­ry

Man on cell: I know, but then they start­ed smok­ing crack on stage.

–10th St & Stuyvesant

Guy on cell: I’m at Stuy High… Whad­dya mean ya don’t know what that is?! Got­ta know where the weed’s at!

–Near Stuyvesant High

Man to con­cerned woman: Don’t think of it as buy­ing weed from a drug deal­er. Think of it as sup­port­ing a cot­tage in­dus­try.

–Christo­pher & Bleeck­er

Over­heard by: amused priest

Af­ter the Fist­fight, an Eth­nic Mis­match Com­e­dy Start­ed Pro­duc­tion

Black re­cep­tion­ist: Car­los De Je­sus George? Are you here?
Lati­no re­cep­tion­ist: It’s not pro­nounced ‘De Je-zus George,’ but ‘De He-sus Hor-he.‘
Black re­cep­tion­ist: Ex­cuse me? What are you say­ing? This clear­ly says ‘Car­los De Je­sus George.
Lati­no re­cep­tion­ist: No moth­er would name their son Je­sus. And be­sides, that’s not the cor­rect pro­nun­ci­a­tion in Span­ish.
Black re­cep­tion­ist: What? Oh, girl, you know I don’t speak those words.

–Doc­tor’s of­fice, 15th & 1st