Archive for the ‘Subway stations, platforms, etc.’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Retaining Sperm

20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight.

–Bowery

Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor

20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers?

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation

Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant.

–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ashley

Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this!

–Columbus Circle

There’s Very Little Sleeping Going On

Alabaman tourist: Do the trains run all night?
NY-er: Yes, they never close.
Alabaman tourist: Well, that’s good. We wanted to make sure we could get back from Times Square.
NY-er: Well, by New York standards it’s still early. It is only 9:30.
Alabaman tourist: Yeah, from where we’re from it’s late. We sleep with the roosters… Well, not literally.

–1/2/3 station, 72nd St

Overheard by: Debbie

Next Stop: Put in Your Place Street

Girl #1: I have an idea, why don’t we keep the doors open so even more people can pack in? Are we close enough yet?
Guy: Yeah. I could start crowd surfing.
Girl #1: It just sucks being squeezed in like this. Especially when you have to get off at the next stop–
Guy: Like you are going to do.
Girl #1: –and people won’t get out of the way. It’s like they don’t understand that you have to get off. This time I’m going to be like, “Bitches, get out of my way!”
Guy: Yeah.
Girl #1: I’m just trying to find one thing about this that doesn’t suck and I’ve got nothing.
Guy: Me either.
Girl #1: This is a nightmare…It’s so annoying to be forced to be so close to so many people in such a small space–
Girl #2: Yeah, it is really annoying, especially when you are forced to hear someone else’s conversation.
Guy: Whoa! What timing.

–L train

As Opposed to the “Fuck Me Gently Later” Way

Girl: …yeah, I can’t wait. He is kinda cute.
Guy: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, in a sort of “fuck me hard, fuck me now” kind of way. But that’s what I’m looking for right now.

20 min. later:

Guy: I really like him. He is a good guy.
Girl: He’s an alcoholic and insane! He’s great though, I like him too.

–2 train

Chick: I just have to go home and masturbate tonight. An orgasm would feel so good right now.

–42nd Street station

Overheard by: The Original Danger

The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Religion Being Indistinguishable from Marketing

Scientologist man: What would you like your career to be?
Young queer: I’m still not sure. I’d like something that pays millions but doesn’t require any actual work, you know?
Scientologist man: You should aspire to do more with your life if you ever want to be happy. I own my own company, and I love my life.
Young queer: Um, you’re giving out free stress tests in a subway station and attempting to sell some crazy guy’s book. Am I supposed to believe that this is just a hobby of yours?
Scientologist man: Yes.

–42nd St station

Overheard by: Lolita