Archive for the ‘Subway stations, platforms, etc.’ Category

Next Stop: Put in Your Place Street

Girl #1: I have an idea, why don’t we keep the doors open so even more peo­ple can pack in? Are we close enough yet?
Guy: Yeah. I could start crowd surf­ing.
Girl #1: It just sucks be­ing squeezed in like this. Es­pe­cial­ly when you have to get off at the next stop–
Guy: Like you are go­ing to do.
Girl #1: –and peo­ple won’t get out of the way. It’s like they don’t un­der­stand that you have to get off. This time I’m go­ing to be like, “Bitch­es, get out of my way!”
Guy: Yeah.
Girl #1: I’m just try­ing to find one thing about this that does­n’t suck and I’ve got noth­ing.
Guy: Me ei­ther.
Girl #1: This is a nightmare…It’s so an­noy­ing to be forced to be so close to so many peo­ple in such a small space–
Girl #2: Yeah, it is re­al­ly an­noy­ing, es­pe­cial­ly when you are forced to hear some­one else’s con­ver­sa­tion.
Guy: Whoa! What tim­ing.

–L train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Feel a Lot Bet­ter Now

Guy to friends: A girl fart­ed on my head once, and I dat­ed her for three years.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: MC

Woman to friend: And then he fart­ed in my mouth.

–Ding Dong Lounge

Over­heard by: Ros­alind

Hobo, fart­ing loud­ly, turn­ing at girl walk­ing be­hind him: That’s for you, you fuck­ing bitch!

–Yel­low Line Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Craigalanche

Lati­na on cell, firm­ly: I’m not bi-cu­ri­ous, I’m just fart-cu­ri­ous

–49th & 5th

Over­heard by: ol­ga

Crazy hobo: Once, I was eat­ing Crack­er Jacks, you know, the one with the prize in it? When I fin­ished the box, I fart­ed in it, then sealed it up again. When I opened it a week lat­er, I got the sur­prise of my life!

–1 Train

Over­heard by: nel­la

Help­ful­ness: A NYC Short Sto­ry

Loud, gar­bled an­nounce­ment about dis­rupt­ed rush hour ser­vice in back­ground.

Up­tight la­dy suit, smil­ing anx­ious­ly: What? What did she say?
Hip­ster: She said, ‘Gr­ble chzmglpt blgshqt skzd­bkt…’ [Con­tin­ues, ac­cu­rate­ly mim­ic­k­ing en­tire gar­bled announcement.]Uptight la­dy suit, dis­turbed: Oh.

–IRT Sta­tion, 110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Christo­pher Stone

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Rail­road­ed

Con­duc­tor: Check around, make sure you have all of your be­long­ings. If you have small chil­dren, make sure you hold on­to them. (in haunt­ing tone) Would­n’t want to see them disappear…into the gap.

–Metro-North Line

Over­heard by: Jess

Train con­duc­tor on PA: The last car is the qui­et car. No cell phones or loud con­ver­sa­tions please. If you need to have a con­ver­sa­tion, please do so silent­ly.

–Penn Sta­tion

Con­duc­tress, in mo­not­o­ne: The next stop on this train will be Grand Street, the last stop in the borough…in the borough.…in the bor­ough of Man­hat­tan.

–D Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Con­duc­tor on PA: The next stop will be 51st Street. All of you lookin’ for the lo­cal train on the oth­er plat­form: hey yo! We over here!

–14th Street Sta­tion

MTA con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, this train will be out of com­mis­sion, uh…right now. Get out!

–MetroNorth Train

Over­heard by: Kellin

Train con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­man, brace for im­pact. (pause) Nah…just kid­ding, I could nev­er pull that shit off. Y’all lucky we un­der­ground! Have a safe day.

–A Train

NYC Rules Re­quire at Least One Per­son to Drop the F‑Bomb

Hot hip­pie chick: Ex­cuse me, you need a hand?
Old blind man: Nah, I’m just get­ting to the n train. Thanks so much, though!
Hot hip­pie chick: Al­right, you have a great day!
Blind man: Same to you!
Over­look­ing suit to friend: Nice New Yorkers…they just blow my mind.

–Union Square Sub­way Sta­tion