Archive for the ‘Subway Stations’ Category

The Beau­ty of Can­tonese (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

Two Chi­nese men sit down on the bench next to a sleep­ing home­less man try­ing to sleep.

Hobo: Ah, hell no! You’re not go­ing to start hav­ing a con­ver­sa­tion like that at 3 in the fuckin’ morning…I ain’t got no moth­er­fuck­ing sub­ti­tle but­ton on me!

–49th Street sta­tion

Over­heard by: Schweiz

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Need a Bet­ter Bed­side Man­ner

Guy: I can’t wait ’til I am fin­ished with med school and I can start work­ing as pe­di­atric gy­ne­col­o­gist.

–Class, W4th & Mer­cer

Girl watch­ing an­oth­er use eye drops: Do you need some help with that? I’m pre-med. I’m qual­i­fied.

–But­ler Li­brary bath­room, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: dr. getoffy­ourhigh­horse

Girl pa­tient: Oh my god. The cute doc­tor just took my urine sam­ple. He walked over and asked me for it. God, it’s like, ‘I gave her my heart, she gave me… her urine sam­ple.’ Should we give him my num­ber?

–Beth Is­rael Med­ical Cen­ter

Chick on cell: Yeah, the doc­tor stuck his fin­ger up my ass be­cause I can’t shit… Yeah, it hurt. Any ideas I’ve en­ter­tained about anal sex are gone.

–12th Ave & Bay Ridge Pkwy, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: What the…

Home­less guy: If you need a gy­no doc­tor, my of­fice is in the box around the cor­ner.

–Lex­ing­ton sub­way sta­tion

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Still Re­sent Giu­liani

Hobo, walk­ing quick­ly around a la­dy: You can­not fuck with a pow­er walk­er!

–60th & 6th

Hobo on cor­ner: Yo man, can I bor­row like a hun­dred dol­lars plus tax?

–Out­side Gray’s Pa­paya

Pan­han­dling teenag­er: I’m like Oba­ma. I want change!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Cana­di­an Girl

Hobo to self: I don’t have any­thing against peo­ple with homes. Why, some of my very best friends have homes!

–E 35th & 6th Ave

Hobo to cops talk­ing him away: Nah, man. I was­n’t pee­ing on no stairs. What you don’t un­der­stand is that I don’t pee for any­one else, I pee for my­self.

–145th Street Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ben B.

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for the Fine Young Can­ni­bals

Hip­ster: Every­one I know is ei­ther mar­ried, di­vorced, gay or crazy.

–37th St, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Matthias Sund­berg

Karaoke pan­han­dler singing Gnarls Barkley: “Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I’m craaaaaazy!” It’s Memo­r­i­al Day and I’m sit­ting here singing to peo­ple I nev­er met be­fore in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy!

–Times Square Sub­way Sta­tion

Black woman to jan­i­tor com­pan­ion: I am so glad I live in the ghet­to. These moth­er­fuck­ers down here are crazy! (com­pan­ion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghet­to.

–22nd St & 5th Ave

Hobo, watch­ing man and woman hav­ing sex against a stat­ue: I think I’m go­ing to have to move to Eu­rope or some­thing. This place is get­ting too crazy.

–Madi­son Square Park

Over­heard by: West­sider

30-some­thing guy on cell: Well, that’s what my crazy sis­ter said about my more crazy sis­ter.

–Broad­way & 114th St

Over­heard by: mary e.

Lit­tle boy in aban­doned shop­ping cart: I’ve got­ta get off this crazy train!

–Tar­get, At­lantic Ave

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Ex­press Them­selves

Woman run­ning down the stairs: Hold the doors! Oh, God, please hold the doors! Please! [Doors close, train pulls away.] Why? Whyyy?!

–A train

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Hobo to man run­ning for the train: You bet­ter run faster! That’s the last train in the world!

–W 4th Street A/C/E plat­form

Over­heard by: Curly Ku

Stu­dent: Yo ma­ma is so dumb that when she needs to take the 4 train, she takes the 2 train twice!

–Brook­lyn Tech High School

Over­heard by: Gazoo

Tourist to friends: Ok, so, we’re head­ed down­town right now, and in a cou­ple stops we’ll trans­fer to the ex­press.

–A train ex­press, be­tween 34th & 42nd

Tourist woman: Why is it called an ex­press train? All it does is skip stops.

–4 train at Ful­ton St

Chick to guy: Don’t tell me that bull! Don’t pull that on the A train!

–Man­hat­tan-bound A train, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: chudoc324