Archive for the ‘Suicide’ Category

Too Soon?

NYU girl #1: I have so much work due in this next week that it’s not even funny. I kind of want to kill myself.
NYU girl #2, glancing around: Don’t say things like that. People actually take you seriously around here.

–Starbucks, Washington Sq Park

Overheard by: prospective nyu student … or not

Wednesday One-Liners Are Molding Young Minds

English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: HJWC

English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?

–Hunter College High

Overheard by: stupid english student

Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.

–Grace Church School

Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’

–Bard High School Early College

Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.

–Hunter College High

English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Nos Morituri Te Wednesday One-Liners

Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to Ellis island.

–Ellis Island Ferry

Overheard by: land lubber

Urban sophisticate: Steve Irwin’s death was random. That stingray did not know where his heart was!

–Metropolitan Opera

Overheard by: Opera Onlooker

Male suit to woman suit: So, hopefully you’re not the angel of death… Are you?

–53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: S&B

Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pretty sure I’m invincible and can’t die.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: Justin

Woman on cell: My trip went really well, except for Marilyn’s* death and all.

–52nd St & Madison

Overheard by: kinicke

50-something professor: So, then the little girl goes back up into her room where she is reading bible verses while everyone else is in church. Then, she either dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills herself. We just don’t know.

–Barnard College

Wednesday One-Liners Leave a Note

Clerk: … So she pulls the suicide card. On the second date!

–30th St

Overheard by: Schroeder

Sociology professor: Just think of your life as a thousand chances a day to commit suicide.

–NYU

Pessimistic teen: Jelly beans make me want to kill myself.

–Tasti D-Lite, Bleecker & MacDougall

Overheard by: Louis

Chick: I would never commit suicide! I would do something instead. You know, like cut sugar cane…

–NYU

Overheard by: Nosy

Wednesdanimal One-Liners

Man to friend: I don't know what made him think he could outrun an alligator!

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: Lory

Father to young son: Holy shit, Joey, look at the turtles! They're stackin' and rackin' 'em!

–Central Park Zoo

Mom to kid, pointing to seal exhibit: Look! Otters!

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Rebecca

Young man, joyfully throwing his arms in the air: Then all of the lemmings go off of the cliff!

–The Village

Overheard by: Aaron

The Same Dynamic That Makes People See Slasher Movies

Overexcited teenage girl, picking up a copy of Alice Sebold's Lucky: Oh my god. Do not read this book. It will make you want to kill yourself, and the author.
Bored teenage boy: Really? I'm not that… depressed or anything.
Overexcited teenage girl: Neither was I!

–Columbia University Bookstore

Overheard by: amused bookseller