Suit #1: Then Paul* just totally lost it, and threw his cellphone at Dave*.
Suit #2: My god! What was he thinking?
Suit #1: I don’t think Dave minded that much. He’s Canadian.
–5th & W 57th
Overheard by: Charlotte
Archive for the ‘Suits’ Category
Make Womb for Wednesday One-Liners
Suit on phone: I don’t think she knows. (pause) But it’s just a night job! (pause) No, there’s no way I’m pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I’m a man, goddammit!
–Starbucks
Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage?
–Grand Concourse & Fordham Road
Overheard by: Erica S
Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat!
–M100 Bus
Overheard by: Tinathetiny
Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were going to impregnate *me*. I wanna have *your* children.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: Ken Paprocki
They Think It’s Growing on the Inside
Suit #1: I haven’t had a regular check up in years, but I’ve had about five MRIs. There’s a lot going on in my head.
Suit #2: Yeah, everything but a full head of hair!
–6 train
Look, Do You Want Me to Teach You How to Spot a Prostitute or What?
Suit #1: Whoa! Check out that hooker.
Suit #2: That’s not a hooker, that’s a dancer.
Suit #1, laughing: How can you tell the difference?
Nearby woman: That’s just rude. That girl isn’t a prostitute.
Suit #1: Who the hell are you, her mother?
–53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Bella
NYC Rule: Ask Permission to Photograph the Natives
Suit, after taking cashier’s photo on his cellphone: See how photogenic you are?
Cashier: Why did he just take a picture of me?
Next customer: That was creepy.
Barista: That was creepy.
–Starbucks, E 51st St
Overheard by: Chuckell
Some People Take Extreme Stances on Dildo Use.
Suit: And then guess what I told her?
Creep: Plastic poison!
Suit: Exactly!
Creep: He-he-he.
–Starbucks
One Guess, Brainiac 5
Guy #1: Sam better on his way to this meeting too.
Guy #2: Let me call the office and check if he’s left yet…Sam, what’s up, man? Where are you?
–E train
I Need to Start Spending More Time with My Girl Friends
Female suit: I gotta piss like a fucking camel!
Male suit: Cross your damn legs.
–A Train
Overheard by: Nice to know…
You Seem Like a Nice Kid, So I’m Just Gonna Tell You to Go Fuck Yourself
Tween boy with box of candy: Yo, wanna buy a candy bar?
Suit: No, thanks. I’m good.
Tween boy: Well, I’m not, asshole. Buy a goddamn candy bar!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Charlie
But, Um… Do Some Women Have Testicles?
Suit #1: Anal leakage… I’m sorry, man.
Suit #2: Yup. No joke, though. That’s the first and last time I’ll be doing that.
Suit #1: Was she hot?
Suit #2: Couldn’t tell. I had my eyes closed the whole time.
–6 train
