Archive for the ‘Suits’ Category

Call­ing Me on My Trans­par­ent Scam Like That

Home­less man to pas­sen­gers: If you ever have any left­over food or drinks or what­not, you can bring them to me at this ad­dress. (hands out busi­ness cards)
Suit: Umm… How’d you get the mon­ey to print out busi­ness cards?
Home­less man: Kiss my ass, give me that card back!

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Chris­tine

One Life to Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Five-year-old boy to fa­ther: Is this an im­por­tant life les­son?

–14th & 6th

Over­heard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ig­nor­ing him: Hey, let’s go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here of­ten?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: ser­e­na

Woman, throw­ing Mc­Nuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: El­liot

Fran­tic crazy guy: I’m gonna go have a seat in Star­bucks and get my life to­geth­er!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Over­heard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that’s life, you screw peo­ple over and then you go to the Ba­hamas.

–Train in­to Penn Sta­tion

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Spell It “Am­i­nals”

How Much Is That Wednes­day One-Lin­er in the Win­dow?

Man eat­ing brunch to male friend: We both came out sev­en years ago. We are pup­py gay in dog years.

–Big Dad­dy’s Din­er

Over­heard by: Mor­gan

Very lov­ing mom talk­ing to daugh­ter about her son: Hey! He is not an an­i­mal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not to­day!

–Hel­l’s Kitchen

Out­raged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the fur­nace, Ted!

–Court Street

Chick with cig­a­rette, on cell: … Leath­ery fetish dog-masks, or just Hal­loween style dog-masks?

–Out­side Tagine, 40th & 9th

Over­heard by: La­dle

Philo­soph­i­cal suit: The on­ly rea­son I haven’t di­vorced my wife is be­cause of the dog.

–Up­per East Side

Reg­u­lar Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman: …Then they gave him en­e­mas un­til it ran clear. Now he has­n’t had a move­ment in three days. Should I be wor­ried?

–Sub­way

Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the up­stairs bath­room.

–44th & 3rd

Am­bigu­ous­ly gay ac­tor: Flow­ers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Over­heard by: a girl who poops

Fresh­man chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.

–Re­stroom, Hunter Col­lege

Cheru­bic blonde chick to an­oth­er: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Suit-in-train­ing: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I for­got.

–NYU Stern Build­ing

Guy wait­ing for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We got­ta go out here!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: KeeZ

Scenes from the Strike

Suit: Where are you go­ing?
Guy: Why does it mat­ter to you? I nev­er got in some­one else’s cab be­fore.
Suit: How about an area: Mid­town, Down­town, West Side?
Guy: Maybe if you got in­to a cab on a down­town av­enue and not 2nd Av­enue, you would have your own cab.

–Cab, 75th & 2nd

Over­heard by: The front seat

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers? Kinky!

300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s in­to that kinky down­town shit.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: bas­tar­do

Loud up­state girl: I think…doin’ any kin­da re­search in­ta fur­ries? You’re in trou­ble.

–Hud­son & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Hoochie: I mean, you gonna hand­cuff me, then hand­cuff me. But, you know, when I got­ta go do my shit, I got­ta go.

–1st St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: ste­phie

Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve to­tal­ly got a cold too! But I’ve al­so got bondage tape. And a cell phone ac­ti­vat­ed vi­bra­tor.

–Ouidad sa­lon

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Suit to an­oth­er, while hav­ing lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from be­hind.

–Cen­tral Park

Guy at ta­ble: You know, she’s a qual­i­ty girl, even when I was in hand­cuffs, I could tell that she was a qual­i­ty girl.

–Carnegie Deli

Over­heard by: Spazz