Archive for the ‘Surgery’ Category

Wednes­day Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Leaves a Sponge in the One-Lin­er

Woman: I told him I was­n’t op­posed to din­ner just be­cause he’s had a va­sec­to­my.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Meis­ter

Prep­py guy: They took car­ti­lage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: La­dle

UES woman: I’m go­ing to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Over­heard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it re­moved
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–El­e­va­tor in the Hud­son Ho­tel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay — it’s just rou­tine anal surgery!

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Tam

Boys Don’t Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Mom to small chil­dren: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bod­ies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And some­times these parts get con­fused.

–Wash­ing­ton Square East

20-some­thing girl to male friend: You’re a dirty girl! You’re a dirty girl! You’re a dirty girl!

–N Train

Over­heard by: TR

Moth­er to gen­der-tran­si­tion­ing son, ques­tion­ing plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl’s body? I’m get­ting a face lift, and it’s be­cause I’m a young per­son trapped in an old per­son­’s body.

–39th & 9th

Man in yel­low and green track suit and avi­a­tor sun­glass­es: Nah, I can’t go. That’s when I’m hav­ing my breast re­duc­tion.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Ems

Teenage boy: I don’t wan­na be on that block, son! I know too many tran­nies on that block!

–Bed­ford & Grove

Over­heard by: How many is too many?

Guy on cell, leav­ing mes­sage: Hel­lo, Dave. This is your moth­er.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Teen boy: Fear me, I have vagini­tis!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: Jin­gles

Oth­er Parts Of My Body Would Love a Hug, Though.

Hip­pie girl: Free hugs! We’re giv­ing out free hugs to­day! (to prep­py guy on park bench) Hey! Would you like a free hug to­day?
Guy: No, thank you.
Hip­pie girl: Why not?
Guy: Ac­tu­al­ly, I just had a mi­nor sur­gi­cal pro­ce­dure on my ab­domen. I should­n’t hug any­one un­til it heals.
Hip­pie girl: Well, that sucks. A hug might make you feel bet­ter, though!
Guy: I’m pret­ty sure that a hug would open up the in­ci­sion on my ab­domen from the sur­gi­cal pro­ce­dure. I’m told this would in­crease my odds of in­fec­tion. Thanks any­way, though.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Double‑M

…De­spite My Best Ef­forts

50-some­thing woman: Do you have pas­tra­mi?
Deli work­er: Yes.
50-some­thing woman: Is it good?
Deli work­er: Yes.
50-some­thing woman: Okay, then. I’d like a pas­tra­mi on rye. Lots of pas­tra­mi.
Deli work­er: Will that be to stay or to go?
50-some­thing woman: Oh, it’s to go home to my hus­band. To­mor­row is the fifth an­niver­sary of his triple by­pass surgery.

–Deli Store

Over­heard by: yd­new naej

Van­i­ty, Thy Name Is Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl to guy: And I was like, “He bleach­es his ass­hole, what does he know about anato­my?”

–Pratt In­sti­tute, Brook­lyn

Sev­en-year-old girl to boy throw­ing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eye­lin­er to­day!

–Fort Greene Park, Brook­lyn

Very large woman on cell: It’s called “Brazil­ian wax job.” You on­ly have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itch­es for a day or two, but it’s worth every pen­ny.

–PATH

Over­heard by: Corey

Young la­dy with long curly hair to girl­friend: So, I start­ed dry­ing my hair with pa­per tow­els re­cent­ly.

–Mon­tague St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: E‑Man>Master of the UNI­VERSE!

Out­raged fem­i­nine gay guy to an­oth­er: He’s hav­ing his lips re­done… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Over­heard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don’t un­der­stand why you got­ta put on all that make­up just to go for a colonic!

–Wash­ing­ton Heights

Eek.

Woman #1: Hey Maria, how’s your moth­er do­ing?
Woman #2: He’s all right. He’s re­cov­er­ing from his op­er­a­tion.
Woman #1: She had to have an op­er­a­tion? I thought she just sprained her an­kle!
Woman #2: Oh, that? That was noth­ing. I’m talk­ing about the op­er­a­tion he had last week.
Woman #1: He?
Woman #2: Yes.

–Coney Is­land

Over­heard by: Sun­ny