Archive for the ‘Sweat’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is the Sec­ond-Largest Prop­er­ty Own­er in NYC, Af­ter the Catholic Church

Co­lum­bia stu­dent to an­oth­er: When I get rich, I’m to­tal­ly hav­ing the sweat glands in my armpits re­moved.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Un­der­grad to friend: So I should tell you about to­day’s ex­is­ten­tial cri­sis…

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Katie Naum

Guy to group of friends: Hey, you guys ever watch that video in health ed, of dis­abled peo­ple hav­ing sex? It was up­set­ting.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: L‑Dubbs

Co­lum­bia un­der­grad: I am tak­ing so many class­es right now, like 18 cred­its, cause I have no clue what to do with my life. Part of me wants to go to busi­ness school here be­cause I can make a lot of mon­ey fast, and part of me wants to go to law school here be­cause it’s more prac­ti­cal and will make me more over the long run. But then I am al­so in this class on geno­cide, which is a top­ic I love. So maybe I will do some­thing with that in­stead.

–Max Cafe, 122nd & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Over­heard by: re­luc­tant­prof

He Said It with an Omi­nous Voice and a Mr. Burns Fin­ger-Touch

El­der­ly woman on stretch­er: Is the am­bu­lance heat­ed?
Han­dle­bar-mus­tached am­bu­lance dri­ver: Yes.
El­der­ly woman on stretch­er: I’m gonna freeze to death.
Han­dle­bar-mus­tached am­bu­lance dri­ver (smil­ing, ten­der­ly): No, you’re gonna sweat to death.

–63rd b/w Park & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Paul Tabach­neck

How the Boys Got to the Front of the Sal­ad Line

Straight guy #1: Dude, I like your fam­i­ly, but there is no way that I would blow the whole foot­ball team to save their lives.
Straight guy #2: Well, I’d blow them for your fam­i­ly.
Straight guy #1: Even if it was right af­ter a game?
Straight guy #2: If I have to blow 60 guys, you think I’d give a shit if they are sweaty or not? That’s the least of it.

–In line at Just Sal­ad, E 51st

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get the Jiz­zt

Man on cell: So, what have you been up to, be­sides run­ning a sperm bank?

–Chi­na­town bus

Yup­pie: So he shot some sperm in my mouth, and I ate it.

–3rd Ave

Over­heard by: re­na­ta

Woman on cell: I know! And the on­ly thing in­sur­ance does­n’t cov­er is the sperm!

–20th & 5th

Over­heard by: I want to get on her plan

Queer: He got sweat in my eyes, cum in my nose, and shit on my dick.

–1 train

Man on cell: It looked like he was cov­ered in jizz. Gi­ant jizz. Like gi­ant, Paul Bun­yan-jizz.

–5th Ave

NYU chick: So then I re­al­ized that I had cum on my breath! And what would he think of that?

–Wa­ver­ly & Broad­way

Fresh­man: So what if you oc­ca­sion­al­ly jizz in your pants?

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Rachel Hoban

Luke.… I Am Your Wednes­day-One-Lin­ers

Jap­py Teenage daugh­ter: Dad­deeee! I want you to get rid of sweat.

–50th & 8th

Over­heard by: Lord…

Black woman on cell: I don’t like big, Black, ag­gres­sive men. I like light-skinned men, cause I’m Ja­maican. I just found out I’m Ja­maican like five years ago. My mom told me the guy who I thought was my fa­ther is not my re­al fa­ther. But you know, I don’t hold noth­ing against him. Dude paid child sup­port and shit.

–Queens bound 7 Train

Hoochie with ba­by: As soon as he came out­ta me and I saw what col­or he was, oh no, I knew who his dad­dy was. But I love the shit out­ta my son.

–R Train

Lit­tle girl: When I don’t want to lis­ten to my dad I just say ‘Talk to the hand!’

–Woost­er St & Spring St

Lit­tle kid in stroller: Dad, is this us?

–In­side sub­way car on NYC sub­way IRT line at 34 thst stop

Over­heard by: Steve Grant