Little girl: Where’s mommy?
Father: I told you, sweetie. Mommy’s getting her new tattoo.
–10 St & 6th Ave
Archive for the ‘Tattoos’ Category
“Fuck Your Mother” Is Practically a Good-Guy Mantra
Young thug #1: Everyone is getting tattoos! Everyone!
Young thug #2: Like who?
Young thug #1: Dave. He just got another tat. I want a tat!
Young thug #2: So, why don’t you get one?
Young thug #1: I can’t… (whispers) My mom won’t let me.
Young thug #2: Shit, nigga, fuck your mother. You can get a tat and be a good guy. I’m a good guy. My record is sealed!
–Deli, Park Slope
Straightlines without Punchlines
Man (to hipstress): You should get a tattoo of Ben Franklin.
–22nd & Park Ave South
Overheard by: Matt Law
They Met at the USPS
Fat Slob: I think I love you, babe. Ooh, that tattoo is cute. “Rot in Peace.”
–Post Office, Bensonhurst
No, She’s Thinking of the Houses…and Limbs
Guy: So a bunch of people are getting hurricane Katrina tattoos.
Girl #1: What would a hurricane tattoo even look like?
Girl #2: It would just be a swirl.
Girl #1: No babe, you’re thinking of a tornado.
–Stanton Social Club, Stanton Street
Overheard by: JDM & MZ
You and That Skin Infection Were Meant for Each Other
Lady: So, are you giving them gifts this year?
Fat woman with afro: Ugh, I just spent 300 dollars on my tattoo. I can’t afford it.
Lady: Oh, really?
Fat woman with afro: You know, in Amsterdam tattoos are covered by the government. It’s part of the health plan.
Lady: Wow.
Fat woman with afro: I mean, why should I pay 600 dollars for emergency health insurance when I’d rather that money be spent on my tattoo? I don’t go to the hospital. It doesn’t make sense.
Lady: Uh-huh… I see what you mean.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Elise L.
Wednesday One-Liner Ink
Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Lyssa
Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t‑shirt instead of on my chest and back.
–Prince & Lafayette
Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?
–D Train
Overheard by: 4‑dumb
Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy’s new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jas
They’re Essentially Running Around Barefoot, Rubbing Sticks Together for Fire
Curly teen: Did you see that guy with tattoos all over his face? Do you think he’s allowed above 14th Street?
Brunette teen: I think he can get to 23rd without too much damage.
Curly teen: No way, Chelsea is too classy to handle that.
Brunette teen: Not really. They did just open up a Chipotle.
–Union Square
Well They Are Going to Be Quotes from No Exit
Teen girl to girl friend: Hey, when are we getting our matching tattoos?
Guy friend to another: She’s so serious.
–Duane Reade
Because Robert Frost Just Isn’t Ghetto Enough
Guy: Just know I chose my own fate: I drove by the fork in the road and went straight. Isn’t it deep? I’m getting it tattooed on my shoulder.
Girl: Who are you quoting?
Guy: Jay‑Z.
–34th St, Penn Station
Overheard by: No Lie
Headline by: Lauren
Runners-Up:
· ““99 Problems But a Bitch Ain’t One” Was Taken” — Cass
· “Just How Big Is Your Shoulder?” — porter
· “Maybe You Should Tattoo That Between Your Legs…” — LPS
· “Monkeys With Typewriters Couldn’t Ever End Up With Gold Like That” — Caitorade
· “The Confucious Of Our Generation” — Fresca
