Archive for the ‘Tattoos’ Category

“Fuck Your Moth­er” Is Prac­ti­cal­ly a Good-Guy Mantra

Young thug #1: Every­one is get­ting tat­toos! Every­one!
Young thug #2: Like who?
Young thug #1: Dave. He just got an­oth­er tat. I want a tat!
Young thug #2: So, why don’t you get one?
Young thug #1: I can’t… (whis­pers) My mom won’t let me.
Young thug #2: Shit, nig­ga, fuck your moth­er. You can get a tat and be a good guy. I’m a good guy. My record is sealed!

–Deli, Park Slope

You and That Skin In­fec­tion Were Meant for Each Oth­er

La­dy: So, are you giv­ing them gifts this year?
Fat woman with afro: Ugh, I just spent 300 dol­lars on my tat­too. I can’t af­ford it.
La­dy: Oh, re­al­ly?
Fat woman with afro: You know, in Am­s­ter­dam tat­toos are cov­ered by the gov­ern­ment. It’s part of the health plan.
La­dy: Wow.
Fat woman with afro: I mean, why should I pay 600 dol­lars for emer­gency health in­sur­ance when I’d rather that mon­ey be spent on my tat­too? I don’t go to the hos­pi­tal. It does­n’t make sense.
La­dy: Uh-huh… I see what you mean.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Elise L.

Wednes­day One-Lin­er Ink

Girl to friend: She has a Shake­speare quote tat­tooed on her body, so she must be smart.

–Bleeck­er St

Over­heard by: Lyssa

Mid­dle aged dude to an­oth­er: That fuck­en bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t‑shirt in­stead of on my chest and back.

–Prince & Lafayette

Slight­ly ghet­to white girl on cell: What hap­pens when a bug bites you on your tat­too?

–D Train

Over­heard by: 4‑dumb

Tourist grand­moth­er to eight-year-old grand­daugh­ter: Do, do you like mom­my’s new neck tat­too? (pause) Yeah, me nei­ther.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Jas

They’re Es­sen­tial­ly Run­ning Around Bare­foot, Rub­bing Sticks To­geth­er for Fire

Curly teen: Did you see that guy with tat­toos all over his face? Do you think he’s al­lowed above 14th Street?
Brunette teen: I think he can get to 23rd with­out too much dam­age.
Curly teen: No way, Chelsea is too classy to han­dle that.
Brunette teen: Not re­al­ly. They did just open up a Chipo­tle.

–Union Square

Be­cause Robert Frost Just Is­n’t Ghet­to Enough

Guy: Just know I chose my own fate: I drove by the fork in the road and went straight. Is­n’t it deep? I’m get­ting it tat­tooed on my shoul­der.
Girl: Who are you quot­ing?
Guy: Jay‑Z.

–34th St, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: No Lie

Head­line by: Lau­ren

Run­ners-Up:
· ““99 Prob­lems But a Bitch Ain’t One” Was Tak­en” — Cass
· “Just How Big Is Your Shoul­der?” — porter
· “Maybe You Should Tat­too That Be­tween Your Legs…” — LPS
· “Mon­keys With Type­writ­ers Could­n’t Ever End Up With Gold Like That” — Caitorade
· “The Con­fu­cious Of Our Gen­er­a­tion” — Fres­ca

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