Art professor: A lot of great things have come from Philly.
Art student: [Inaccurately] Andy Warhol!
Art professor: Hall and Oates!
–SVA
Overheard by: jackattack
Archive for the ‘Teachers/Professors’ Category
The Pitter-Patter of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners
Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just going to stay home and make babies.
–1 Train
College professor: Everything that is wrong in this world can be traced back to babies.
–40th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Just Trying to Smoke in Peace
Girl on phone: I’m going to have to cancel for a few different reasons. First, the baby hasn’t gotten all her shots. And more importantly, there’s something pecking through my wall! I’m really freaked out!
–Bleecker and Lafayette
Woman with three kids, after watching the eldest push the middle to the ground: What are you pushing him down for? Are you trying to upset my stomach so I lose this baby inside me?
–St Marks Place, Staten Island
Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have babies so much, why don’t she just be a … doctor!
–52nd & 7th
Professor: 42-year-old babies don’t have bones.
–Schenectady County Community College
When He Was Reincarnated for the Fifth Time
Teacher: Does anyone know of the year 1732?
(class remains silent)
Teacher: I’ll give you a hint: it’s the year of someone’s birthday.
Girl: Jesus!
–Simon Baruch Middle School
Overheard by: the art major
As It Clearly States in Joss Whedon’s Version Of the Bible
Professor: Does anyone know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Student: It’s because the Jews put blood on their doors so Jesus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: dundun
Ugly Girls, Represent!
Sixth grader: Yo! Miss Stevens*, how old are you?
Student teacher: 20.
Sixth grader: Are you a virgin?
Student teacher: I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.
Sixth grader: Aight. It’s okay. I’m a virgin, too.
–University Neighborhood Middle School
Overheard by: teacher
Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports
20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he’s not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he’s not gay.
–L Train
Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.
–NYC
Girl to guy friends: I mean, he’s okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Angry woman on phone: While you’re out having orgies I am doing the real work!
–Victorian Flatbush
Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?
–NYU
Science without Science
Yuppie: I was just teaching the scientific method to my students.
Nerd: Oh, so you teach them induction and deduction?
Yuppie: [long pause] The students aren’t that smart so I don’t teach them big words like those.
– Party, Manhattan
Jesus: No, We’re Cool Now
Teacher: Does anyone know what ‘condemned’ means? Okay, let me give you an example: The Jews condemned Jesus. [Everyone looks at only Jewish student in class, who then glares at the teacher.] Oh, I’m so sorry!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
We Ivy Leaguers Can Afford to Kill Ourselves with Cocaine
Professor in stuffy room: Someone open a window.
Student: We’re on the fifth floor; they don’t open.
Professor: I don’t understand why they don’t unlock them. No one is going to kill themselves. We’re not NYU.
–Columbia University
I Guess They Still Haunt the Classrooms
Professor guy: I am not taking questions now! I will take questions after class.
Student dude: …Excuse me, who are you talking to?
–Vanderbilt Hall, Washington Square South
