Student #1: That’s hot.
Student #2: Did you actually just say that?
Teacher: Come on, leave her alone. She meant ‘hot’ with a ‘ph.’
–Convent of the Sacred Heart
Overheard by: hot with a ph
Archive for the ‘Teachers/Professors’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Publish or Perish
Professor: I’m gonna show you a little old insertion trick that my grandmother taught me. It works great.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: wba2101
Professor: Everyone is here except the person who is not here.
–City College
Overheard by: ClaRity
Latin professor: So, what Tibullus is trying to say is that old women have to be in the beauty parlor a lot! Beauty doesn’t come as easily as when you’re 18 and always looking great… Well, I suppose that’s not exactly true. As I look around the room, I see that sometimes you girls could use some work in the mornings.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Professor: My wife has many male friends… I don’t ask questions.
–NYU
Law professor: It’s possible… Just like it’s possible I’ll get raptured at any minute.
–NYU Law School
But Ignorance of the Law Is a Good Defense, Right?
Teacher: So, to conclude my lecture, I just want to tell you all again that this is illegal.
Student: What’s illegal?
Teacher: Have you been listening?
Student: No.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Stuck in Class
A Better Question: Why Did Everyone Still Show Up?
Puzzled student: Professor, according to the syllabus we have a paper due in a week… What’s it on?
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: You have a paper due in a week? I was afraid of that!
Puzzled student: Also, according to the syllabus, we don’t even have class today. There’s…nothing written there.
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: Really? Huh. Well, I must have been drunk when I did that.
–Fordham University
With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner
Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!
–Grand Central Terminal
Acting professor: Act as if you’re fascinated by what they’re saying, while thinking about something else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get married.
–NYU
Overheard by: Lisa
Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it – unless she’s married!
–2 Train
Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I’ll let you marry my daughter!
–10th St & University
Overheard by: Ricky
Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.
–Central Park
Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
It’s Funny Because It’s Permanent!
Professor: So there’s this study that says that left-handed people have lower evolutionary fitness.
Student: Does that mean that we’re doomed because the President is left handed?
Professor, without missing a beat: No, it just means he’s going to die.
–Columbia University
“No; I’m more well hung than he is.”
College Professor: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Female Student: I have one sister and a twin brother.
College Professor: Are you identical?
–American Musical & Dramatic Academy, UWS
I Haven’t Felt That Way Since Dorothy Threw the Bucket on Me
Professor, after student coughs: Yes. Yes. I’m just getting over my cold. You saw me! In the theater, I was a row ahead of you!
Student: Yeah…
Professor, with infinite sadness: I had a coughing fit. I…I just…melted. I melted.
–NYU
Don’t Forget about That One “I’m Too Hungover to Grade”
Student: So, I was wondering if I could know how I did on that presentation last week.
Professor: Oh, yes, yes — you did wonderful!
Student: No, I mean, like, how did I do?
Professor: Wonderful. You did wonderful.
Student: So… Is that my grade?
Professor: Yes.
Student: Great, now I have all zero’s and a ‘Wonderful.’ I wonder what that averages out to.
–Fordham University
I Prefer to Think That He Jumped Out Of a Cake and Yelled “Surprise!”
Foreign TA: I don’t understand why they use the egg for Easter.
American TA: Oh, it doesn’t really have anything to do with Easter, we just appropriated pagan rituals.
Foreign TA: I thought Easter is when Jesus was reborn.
American TA: It is.
Foreign TA: I thought maybe he was reborn out of an egg.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: MCLD
