Archive for the ‘Teens’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Strike Hard and Fade Away Without a Trace

Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant. –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: pumpkin Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island. –Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island Overheard by: Green Star Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable! –Penn Station Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself… Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope. –Flatiron District

Wednesday One-Liners Are Here, They’re Queer, They’re Not Going Anywhere

Woman: And you are not a lesbian either! You are only gay on weekends. –Union Square Overheard by: Adam Bozarth Teen girl: I know Jimmy’s not gay because he stole my girlfriend. –R train Preacher: Mark my words–by sunrise you will be smothered in lesbians. –53rd & 5th Overheard by: Kaleena Thoughtful guy: I always thought that if I were gay I’d be the manlier one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff. –26th & 1st Overheard by: Charles Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gayer than three snaps in Z formation in here. –The Hangar, Christopher St Overheard by: TK Midwestern guy: That is complete bullshit! How do you make a dog gay? –Century 21 Teen girl: It’s funny talking to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay. –Uptown 1 train

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”

Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time. –Time Warner Center Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat! –Sheep's Meadow, Central Park Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here. –Bleecker & Broadway Overheard by: fellow fatass Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store! –W Broadway & Spring Overheard by: JR Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4! –Central Park West Overheard by: Rich H

White Folks Still Claim Jesus Was A Cracker

Teen boy: Do you know where I can find those Communion wafers? I want to eat them with salsa.
Friend: Um, you can’t just eat those. It’s the body of Christ. –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Jason
Headline by: Bored Beyond Belief
Runners-Up:
· “Besides, Three Days Later You’ll Be Hungry Again” – Sparky
· “…And After Three days, He Arose, with Craving for Pico de Gallo” – Russ Wall
· “…And They’re 2000 Years Past Their Expiration Date” – John
· “And Stop Putting Salt on the Rim of the Chalice” – Amy Stephenson
· “Betcha Can’t Transubstantiate Just One” – chris
· “Body of Satan Has More Tang Anyway” – Jessica
· “Friends Don’t Let Friends Go to Church Stoned” – Pix
· “If Jesus Wanted Us to Eat Him with Salsa, He’d Be Appearing on Tortillas…. Oh… Wait.” – ilemanzer
· “Look for the Bag Marked ‘Corpus Crispy'” – Slept thru the Sermon
· “My God Stays Crunchy in Milk” – Benedict
· “That’s What You Said about the Last Donut, Too” – SDP
· “The Next Special Ingredient on Iron Chef” – dan
· “They’re Best Served with Dogma” – zg
· “Try the Taco Bells of St. Mary’s” – jules
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Every Hunter Longs to Become the Hunted

Teenage girl: So I'm getting better at hooking up with guys and not getting attached! I hooked up with Jake last week, and I don't feel anything at all!
Friend: Yeah, but that's not hard. He's, like, impossible to get attached to. We need to find you a challenge. Who's really cute and cuddly?
Random old man walking in front of them: Pick me, pick me! –Port Authority Bus Terminal Overheard by: cute and cuddly