Archive for the ‘Teeth’ Category

That Ex­plains All Those Cuts on My Pe­nis!

Dude #1: Oh, The Spi­der­wick Chron­i­cles is out!
Dude #2 (in awe): Dude, did you see that?
Dude #1: Yeah, it was amaz­ing!
Dude #2: Yeah? How were the graph­ics?
Dude #1: Dude–amazing!
Dude #2: Dude–you have braces!
Dude #1: Yeah, dude, I told you. God!

–Block­buster

Over­heard by: bri­an­fair

Head­line by: mike

Run­ners-Up:
· “And the Win­ner for Youngest Bro Of the Week Goes To.…” — jump­stop
· “Ash­ton Kutch­er Needs to Stop Pro­duc­ing Re­al­i­ty TV” — D. Em­my
· “Even Siskel & Ebert Had to Start Some­where.” — space coy­ote
· “Life Im­i­tates Ash­ton Kutch­er Films…” — Du­u­ude
· “Some­one’s Get­ting Laid Tonight!” — lisa

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

This Ac­tu­al­ly Makes Me Want to Have Kids

Eight-year-old broth­er speak­ing to four year old broth­er in high pitched witch­es voice: First I’ll burn you to a black crisp in a huge oven, then I’ll start with your flesh…
Four-year-old: What will it taste like?
Eight-year-old broth­er, with­out paus­ing: It will taste like a de­li­cious steak, then I ‘ll eat your teeth and they’ll taste like crack­ers! But your hair, your hair will be com­plete­ly burned off.
Four-year-old: [Gig­gles ma­ni­a­cal­ly.]

–C Train

Over­heard by: nev­er hav­ing kids

And We Made That Neck­lace Out of Them?

NYU boy #1: Damn, we were so high last night.
NYU boy #2: I know, I was just in the bath­room look­ing at the sham­poo bot­tle for, like, twen­ty min­utes be­cause it was, like, so beau­ti­ful!
NYU boy #3 (laugh­ing): Yeah, Brady was so fucked up… Re­mem­ber when he threw up his teeth?

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: cindy fer­nan­dez

*Rais­es Hand*

Cus­tomer: Yeah, can I get one for the movie where the girl’s vagi­na has teeth?
Box of­fice cashier: Sor­ry, sir, this show’s sold out. The next one’s at 8:25.
Cus­tomer: Sold out? How many peo­ple ac­tu­al­ly want to see a movie where a girl’s vagi­na has teeth?

–City Cin­e­mas, 12th St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Splen­did­Con­fu­sion

4 Out of 5 Den­tists Pre­fer Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Sleazy guy: I love go­ing to my den­tist, the new one. The hy­gien­ist holds my hand while they’re giv­ing me a shot. She talks to me. She pets me like a chin­chilla. It’s fan­tas­tic.

–El­e­va­tor, 360 Park Av­enue South

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Old man with pet lizard: Thir­ty-four years ago we got mar­ried. She had den­tal cov­er­age. It’s very easy to find a girl with med­ical cov­er­age… Den­tal, not so easy.

–77th St & 37th Ave, Jack­son Heights

Over­heard by: Gail Mon­temay­or

Blonde tween: they usu­al­ly take out 2 teeth be­fore they put on the braces. They took 4 of mine. It felt great! I want­ed ’em to take all of mine and be all gums.

–D Train

Over­heard by: Go­ing to keep those wis­dom teeth a bit longer

Girl on cell: So I was able to brush my teeth with­out feel­ing like I was go­ing to puke.

–77th and 2nd

Clean­ing woman on cell phone: She is a but­ter­face. You know, every­thing’s lookin’ good but her face. Her body is nice, but she has some ug­ly-ass, skanky ass face. I told her she ain’t gonna get no man with­out any teeth in her face. I told her she’s got­ta get some nice grilles put all up in there.

–At­lantic Mall

Over­heard by: jsil­ly­fun

Ghet­to girl spout­ing knowl­edge to friend: Some­times, you just got­ta bite your teeth, and turn the oth­er head…

–4 train

Guy on acid: I can’t get the taste of teeth out of my mouth!

–River­side Park

Over­heard by: LSB

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Sink Their Teeth In

Sec­re­tary in stall, to an­oth­er: I told her that in this po­si­tion she has to wear her teeth in. You can’t go around here with no teeth in your mouth.

–Of­fice re­stroom, Mid­town

Over­heard by: Anony­mous Law Firm Em­ploy­ee

Woman on cell: What? Turn your hear­ing aid up! Put your teeth in! I can’t un­der­stand you!

–Prince & Broad­way

Guy to girl­friend: Hey, babe, I got­ta run to the in­ter­view. Can you check my teeth for hairs?

–Madi­son Square Park

Over­heard by: Guy

Saucy Lati­na: She has the hair of every den­tal hy­gien­ist I’ve ever known.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: McF­reaky

Girl on cell: What?! You haven’t show­ered in a day? At what time? Pe­dro Miguel*, that is nasty! Your balls must be sweaty and stinky. Smell your un­der­wear… Have you even wiped them with a ba­by wipe, at least? Have you at least brushed your teeth? You’ve brushed your teeth, but not show­ered? How is that not nasty?!

–Bx12 bus

Over­heard by: Silent­But­Dead­ly

Hobo: Does any­one have an ex­tra tooth­brush or two dozen eggs to spare?

–Out­side Grist­ede’s, UES

Over­heard by: no eggs to spare