Archive for the ‘Terrorism’ Category

His­to­ry Is an Un­bro­ken Chain of Irony

Ger­man tourist #1: We went to the Jew­ish Her­itage Mu­se­um yes­ter­day and the se­cu­ri­ty was crazy! The met­al de­tec­tor re­act­ed to the but­ton of my jeans, they did­n’t let me car­ry my bag, and I had to hand in my jack­et as well. They did­n’t even do that when we toured the UN build­ing!
Ger­man tourist #2: Maybe you were just racial­ly pro­filed.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Re­mem­ber That Whole Strike Thing?

Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I wait­ed an hour for you to show up! Were you on a cof­fee break or what?
Bus dri­ver: Sir, that’s not pos­si­ble, the lead bus was on­ly ten min­utes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the de­pot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the re­al ter­ror­ists! You’re what Home­land Se­cu­ri­ty is try­ing to pro­tect us against!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal, Stat­en Is­land

Wednes­day One-lin­ers

A chick push­ing an old woman in a wheel­chair says: Just let me know when you get tired of walk­ing.

–59th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Christo­pher

Queer: I can’t be­lieve she said I was a liar. Sure I make ran­dom stuff up, but I’m not a liar.

–West 4th & broad­way

Over­heard by: Mr­Robin­son

Hobo: All right fine, you win, I guess I do wish they were shit­ty pi­lots.

–6th Av­enue & 9th Street

OMG! It’s Wednes­day One-lin­ers!

Priest: Please ex­it us­ing the side doors as there are things go­ing on in the front.

–St. Patrick­’s Cathe­dral

Over­heard by: Bryant

Old la­dy: Je­sus on a check? Oh well, I’m an athe­ist, so it does­n’t re­al­ly mat­ter to me.

–E. 33rd Street of­fice

Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Je­ho­vah can’t hear you when you hate me!

–42nd be­tween 10th & 11th

Woman: You know, they tell those sui­cide bombers they’ll get 99 vir­gins when you get to heav­en. 99 vir­gins! But if you blow your­self up in Brook­lyn, you on­ly get 50. Half off for Brook­lyn.

–CVS, Harlem

Puer­to Ri­can guy: Je­sus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to lis­ten to me. I know about your bun­ny rab­bit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On Ju­ly 30th we will all come to­geth­er. I will wear a kip­pa. But you know you have to ac­cept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talk­ing to you now. The Flint­stones told me not to.

–4 train

Over­heard by: Matt F.