Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘The Bronx’ Category

Dif­fer­ent Strokes for Dif­fer­ent Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Guy say­ing good­bye to la­dy friend: Then I mas­tur­bat­ed, and rubbed this sand­wich all over my­self! (pro­ceeds to rub sub sand­wich over his chest)

–46th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: James

Man to woman push­ing stroller: That guy’s kid beats the meat all day long!

–66th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Wow.

Guy in trench coat: He mas­tur­bat­ed the oth­er day in or­der to ex­pel…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Amused

Girl: You re­al­ly need good hand-eye co­or­di­na­tion to mas­tur­bate.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Guy on phone: So, even though we’re not to­geth­er any­more, you don’t want me see­ing oth­er peo­ple? (pause) What am I sup­posed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?

–White Plains Road

Over­heard by: Chad

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Spell It “Am­i­nals”

Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fuck­ing rows of them! I swear.

–Ful­ton & Gold

Not Sure You Avoid That with the “I Heart NY” Shirt, Though

Chick: Would it have been okay if I’d worn my shirt with a ze­bra on it to­day, or would that be like wear­ing a band shirt to a con­cert?
Dude: Yeah, that’s ex­act­ly how it would be. Like, it’s okay if you wear the open­ing band’s shirt, but not the head­lin­er. If you wore your ze­bra shirt, we would’ve had to skip the ze­bras.
Chick: You’re right, I would have looked sooo groupie.

–Bronx Zoo

Over­heard by: Sromeo

If Every­body You Meet Is a Wednes­day One-Lin­er, Check the Mir­ror

Guy to friend: Yeah, Er­ic’s an ass­hole, but he’s like… my ass­hole.

–11th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Z

Man on cell: I en­joy suck­ing the wind out of ass­holes.

–Brook­lyn Pub­lic House

Over­heard by: In fair­ness, the con­ver­sa­tion was about ver­bal bul­lies

Girl: Wow, my ass­hole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four dif­fer­ent bath­rooms on this floor and the one up, so I would­n’t suf­fer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?

–Of­fice, Mid­town

Loud dude: My ass­hole is re­al­ly fuck­ing itchy!

–Bronx High School of Sci­ence

Over­heard by: ur­banad­ven­tur­er

Crazy hobo: At­ten­tion every­one! You’re all ass­holes! Stu­pid ass­holes!!

–Park Row, near Brook­lyn Bridge

Over­heard by: Hol­lis­ter

I Could Build a Casi­no, Then Rob It

Thug: So, if I’m half black and half Amer­i­can In­di­an, that makes me Puer­to Ri­co.
Thugette: I told you that you was Puer­to Ri­can.

–149th & 3rd, Bronx

Head­line by: Mariya

Run­ners-Up:

· “Ac­tu­al­ly, it makes you un­em­ployed” — Mr. Bone

· “Bitch, don’t be call­in’ me no ad­jec­ti­val form!” — was “rico”/“rican” the first thing you no­ticed too?

· “Do­ra the Ex­plor­er: South Bronx Edi­tion” — Scott

· “Runs With Hook­ers did­n’t ex­cel in Eth­nic Stud­ies” — bri b

· “The new the­o­ry of rel­a­tiv­i­ty” — sara swank


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

At Least Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Pret­ty

Girl to friend: I won­der what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween hard tacos and soft tacos.

–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court

Over­heard by: NTA

Guy talk­ing to his friend: I don’t be­lieve there is a first time for every­thing, but I do think there is a first time for any­thing.

–2nd St & Ave B

Over­heard by: Max Berlinger

Girl on cell in hall­way: She told me to get bac­te­r­i­al soap.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Rose Hill

Over­heard by: Kriszti­na ‚who us­es an­ti-bac­te­r­i­al

Sub­way co­me­di­an: My wife is so stu­pid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awk­ward si­lence fol­lows. Co­me­di­an pro­ceeds to dance around a sub­way pole pre­tend­ing to be a strip­per.]

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Sub­way rid­er

Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop do­ing this “liv­ing pay­check to pay­check” thing be­cause every time you get a check it’s like an emo­tion­al high­way.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty Cam­pus

Over­heard by: Ali­na

Col­lege girl, af­ter clos­ing a Nutel­la jar: I solved it! I solved the puz­zle!

–Broome St

Over­heard by: YJL