Elevator operator: What floor, please?
Old lady: Home, James.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Archive for the ‘The Met’ Category
In Fact, I Strongly Suspect We’re an Invention of the Liberal Media
Black boy #1: Yo, how come there’s only white people in these paintings?
Black boy #2: Mmm… Guess they were painted in 1750-something. They didn’t have no brothers back then.
–The Met
To Make You Grateful to Be Childless
Man: Excuse me, but that kid’s screaming is ruining my museum experience.
Dad pushing stroller with shrieker inside: Listen, pal, she’s two years old–
Man: –So why did you bring her?!
–Ancient Near East Galleries, the Met
Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own
Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi!
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Dan
Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo.
–American Museum of Natural History
Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy!
–Used Furniture Store, Staten Island
Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol!
–A Train
Overheard by: Swarles
Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me!
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Claire
Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate.
–The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing
Overheard by: Taylor
Wednesday One-Liners Are Always PC
Young teen girl: I’ve done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands.
–A Train
Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet!
–Uptown 4 Train
Overheard by: cowgirly
Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself.
–Fort Greene Farmers Market
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Teenage girl to friend: I don’t see why we’re even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free.
–Metropolitan Museum
Overheard by: Derek
Jurassic Wednesday One-Liners
College guy: These are the best dinosaurs I’ve eaten all day!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center Campus
Ecstatic five-year-old girl: The dinosaurs! I can’t wait to see the dinosaurs!
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Miss Guided
Hippie girl: Yeah, I don’t know about the eyeballs, but the dinosaurs are great!
–39th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Natalie
Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our dinosaurs could talk.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Anna P.
Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Because I don’t etch on my DVDs with pterodactyls!
–Court Street, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Danielle
Guy rooting through trash: If you were a dinosaur I’d be a dinosaur right beside you.
–W 80th & Amsterdam
Raise Your Hand If You’re Craving Bacon Now.
Girl, reading sign in front of The Met: Francis Bacon…
Boyfriend: Um?
Girl: You know that satire with human-eating babies?
Boyfriend: Uh-huh.
Girl: That was him.
–81st & 5th
Overheard by: Dana
We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One-Liners as “Found Art”
Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it’s entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know–for the time being I’m just referring to it as a Duchamp “readymade.” Ew! Don’t you call me bohemian!
–19th & 6th
Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.
–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA
Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff–but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.
–20th & 5th
Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It’s not art if you can see his penis!
–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art
But Haven’t That Collie’s Tits Been through Enough?
Girl: What are you doing later?
Guy: Well, I was gonna go home, eat something, do some schoolwork, and then smoke some weed and do some coke. Want some?
Girl: Absolutely.
Guy: Really?
Girl: Only if we can do lines off Lina’s* tits.
Guy: … Oh my god, I want to date you.
–The Met
God, I Love the Arbitrary Exercise Of Petty Authority
Small Asian girl, crying on cell phone: Where are you guys?
Security guard: No talking on cell phones!
Asian girl: But… But I lost my friends.
Security guard: And no crying either!
–The Met
