Archive for the ‘The Met’ Category

To Make You Grate­ful to Be Child­less

Man: Ex­cuse me, but that kid’s scream­ing is ru­in­ing my mu­se­um ex­pe­ri­ence.
Dad push­ing stroller with shriek­er in­side: Lis­ten, pal, she’s two years old–
Man: –So why did you bring her?!

–An­cient Near East Gal­leries, the Met

Wednes­days Make You Want to Have One-Lin­ers of Your Own

Lit­tle white boy to frus­trat­ed black nan­ny who is try­ing to hail a cab: My dad­dy al­ways gets a taxi!

–Hous­ton & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Dan

Lit­tle boy: This place is like a dead zoo.

–Amer­i­can Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Four-year-old boy: Yo, this so­fa is mad com­fy!

–Used Fur­ni­ture Store, Stat­en Is­land

Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m call­ing In­ter­pol!

–A Train

Over­heard by: Swar­les

Lit­tle girl to mom af­ter ter­ri­ble Skyride at­trac­tion: Mom­my, can we nev­er do this again?
(ran­dom guy be­hind her starts laugh­ing) Stop it! Stop laugh­ing at me!

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: Claire

Eight-year-old boy: This mu­se­um is in­ap­pro­pri­ate.

–The Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art, Greek & Ro­man Sculp­ture Wing

Over­heard by: Tay­lor

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Al­ways PC

Young teen girl: I’ve done cy­ber­sex so of­ten I for­got how to type with two hands.

–A Train

Suit on cell: I have noth­ing to blog about. I have noth­ing to video blog about. Man, yes­ter­day I had to force my­self to tweet!

–Up­town 4 Train

Over­heard by: cow­girly

Girl sell­ing peach­es to an­oth­er: Yeah, my dad was so un­sym­pa­thet­ic when I told him my com­put­er crashed that I went straight to the Ap­ple store and charged a new hard dri­ve to his cred­it card. I was re­al­ly proud of my­self.

–Fort Greene Farm­ers Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Morn­ing Glo­ry

Teenage girl to friend: I don’t see why we’re even here. We could see all this stuff on the in­ter­net for free.

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Derek

Juras­sic Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Col­lege guy: These are the best di­nosaurs I’ve eat­en all day!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter Cam­pus

Ec­sta­t­ic five-year-old girl: The di­nosaurs! I can’t wait to see the di­nosaurs!

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Over­heard by: Miss Guid­ed

Hip­pie girl: Yeah, I don’t know about the eye­balls, but the di­nosaurs are great!

–39th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our di­nosaurs could talk.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Over­heard by: An­na P.

Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Be­cause I don’t etch on my DVDs with ptero­dactyls!

–Court Street, Brook­lyn Heights

Over­heard by: Danielle

Guy root­ing through trash: If you were a di­nosaur I’d be a di­nosaur right be­side you.

–W 80th & Am­s­ter­dam

We Pre­fer to Think of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air con­di­tion­er for my liv­ing room, and it’s en­tire­ly too large for me to in­stall by my­self, be­cause it weighs 78 lbs. No, se­ri­ous­ly, I can­not even get it out of the box. I know–for the time be­ing I’m just re­fer­ring to it as a Duchamp “ready­made.” Ew! Don’t you call me bo­hemi­an!

–19th & 6th

Art pro­fes­sor: You should look at Pi­cas­so and Ma­tisse. These peo­ple will be more im­por­tant to you than your fam­i­ly. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.

–Pratt In­sti­tute

Over­heard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vin­cent van Gogh: You know, I could have got­ten him dis­abil­i­ty.

–Van Gogh Ex­hib­it, Mo­MA

Woman, dis­cussing gallery: It was all mod­ern stuff–but not, like, the kind of mod­ern art that chil­dren can do.

–20th & 5th

Tourist boy: You can see his pe­nis! It’s not art if you can see his pe­nis!

–Petrie Court, Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art