Entrepreneur #1: We could have ice cream hands jobs.
Entrepreneur #2: Huh?
Entrepreneur #1: Yeah, two things everybody likes.
–Bleecker Street & Broadway
Archive for the ‘The Village’ Category
Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners
Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.
–1 Train
Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Oliver
Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…
–W 3rd & Thompson
Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!
–Union Square
You Should Hear What Puerto Ricans Say About Pride
Queer #1: When is the Puerto Rican Day parade?
Queer #2: Omigod, today!
Queer #1: Hmm. Don’t people get gang-raped at those things?
Queer #2: Maybe, I guess? Let’s go!
–West Side Highway & Jane St
Stupid Leprosy
Little girl: Mommy, what are you doing?
Mother: Rubbing my eyes — they itch. What are you doing?
Little girl: I’m buttoning my finger.
–University Pl & 11th St
Overheard by: Pat Nich
If Everybody You Meet Is a Wednesday One-Liner, Check the Mirror
Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric's an asshole, but he's like… my asshole.
–11th & Broadway
Overheard by: Z
Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes.
–Brooklyn Public House
Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies
Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn't suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?
–Office, Midtown
Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You're all assholes! Stupid assholes!!
–Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: Hollister
Wednesday One-Liners Talk Shit
Woman to friend: I have a theory: they just throw the horseshit over the wall.
–Central Park South
Overheard by: marijke
Jewish guy: You need to come down here at some point and feel how amazing this chair is. It gives great lumbar support. You will be jealous and then you will poop from jealousy… But you better not poop on my chair.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Woman on cell: Honey, but they were pooping all over the deck and hitting each other with shovels!
–West Village
NYU student to mother: You can't really get a good dinner in this town for under ten dollars…well, you can…but you'll just poop it out later.
–4th St & 2nd Ave
(mother notices toddler's soiled diaper, says something to him, and bends down to pick him up)
Toddler (in small, adorable voice): Waaaaiit, can I walk, so my poop doesn't get squashed?
–Bedford & 5th
20-something guy to friend: You need feces? I can provide!
–Broadway & 12th
Overheard by: elijah
Wait ‘Til You Get Lost in Tokyo, Smart Guy
Asian tourist with map out, blocking walking crowd: Excuse me, I’m looking for Houston street…
Suit, with high-pitched sarcasm: Really? [He keeps walking.]
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: a
Full Frontal Wednesday One-Liners
Dude to another: Yeah, but she got a yeast infection from sitting around naked on muffins all day.
–Union Square
Overheard by: chris
Artsy guy on cell: No, no, she’s not naked… But you want to see her naked!
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Flight attendant: Your pilot for the flight today is Buck Naked. Your first officer is Justin Case. That’s just in case Buck Naked decides to get buck wild.
–LaGuardia
Dude: I heard that all they do there is have sex and drink beer… And have naked snowball fights.
–41st & 7th
Wednesday One-liners, American Idols
Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s like, actually walking down the street!
–Magnolia Bakery
Overheard by: Jessica Blackshear
JAP: Do not mention that freaking African queen and her recycled husband!
–The Prime Grill, 49th Street
Twentysomething woman on cell: I’m gonna be late because I had to walk Drew Barrymore’s dog.
–in front of American Apparel, 7th Ave
To Make Her Crazy Enough to Fit In
Chick #1: I didn’t get into any of the colleges on the east coast I applied to. I’m so bummed.
Chick #2: But you got into Miami — that’s pretty cool.
Chick #1: But that’s not on the east coast. I’m going to have to get a passport and some crazy shots to go there.
–W 10th & Bleecker