College girl #1: …and this guy’s a really good kisser and they turn on the lights and it’s your dad!
College girl #2: Oh my god, I know! I hate it when that happens!
–5th Ave. & 13th St.
Overheard by: Dave Della Costa
Archive for the ‘The Village’ Category
Captain Jack Sparrow Has Pirates Who Do That
Guy on date: Everything in my kitchen is from Crate and Barrel.
Girl on date: Oh.
Guy: My cups, my saucers, my plates, I have an espresso machine…
Girl: Wow.
Guy: Yeah, but I haven’t mopped the floor in over a month.
–Broadway & Houston
Hey, You’re a Nice Guy; You Just Suck
NYU kid yelling to band from dorm window: Hey! You suck!
Singer at nice event: Uh, this is for charity.
–W 4th & MacDougal
Why Not Both?
NYU student: Are they tourists or are they just drunk?
–Bleeker & Thompson
Wednesday One-Liners Happen
Dude on cell: If he wrote a fucking haiku I would shit myself!
–50th b/w 8th & 9th
Hip dude: I was like: “Your voice is drowning me in a wave of bullshit.”
–W 4th
Customer to associate: Where can I pay for this shit?
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Suit on cell: No, I have IBS. IBS! Ya know, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I’ll shit when I gotta shit, and that’s the way this is gonna go!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
am New York paper guy: Get your free am New York! They’re free because their employees get paid shit!
–53rd & 7th Ave
Thus Restoring the Natural Balance of the Universe
Girl #1: Did you hear Nicole has to be topless?
Girl #2: That’s okay, I’m a nun!
–9th & Broadway
Besides, Mirrors Are Washable
Dude #1: Ew, bro, that’s incest!
Dude #2, sheepishly: No, it’s not…
–W 9th St & 5th Ave
“…What about in the Southern Hemisphere?’
Chick: Oh my god, my hair is so dark!
Stylist guy: Does it look fake?
Chick: No, I just didn’t know it would be this dark.
Stylist guy: Well, it will look lighter when your hair dries.
Chick: Really?
–Ibiza Hair Salon, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: Kenzi
They’re Poets, And Yet… They’re Unaware Of That Fact
Stoner #1: I’m drunk. And I am high.
Stoner #2: I know you are. But… what am I?
Both stoners: Whoa.
–Bleecker & Thompson
The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners
Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.
–Elevator, 56th & 8th
Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!
–Terminal 5
Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?
–Cafe Esperanto
Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!
–TriBeCa
Overheard by: lalala
Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.
–51st & 3rd
Overheard by: IG
Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.
–4 Train
Overheard by: BQM lady
Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!
–Astor Place
