Young woman: I really want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, “I’m gonna kill him” and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Older woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those villians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin.
–NYU gym locker room
Sorority girl #1: How are things going with him?
Sorority girl #2: Okay, I guess. I mean, his favorite band is the Smiths, so I’m like “you need to get out of 1999, dude.”
–Blue Ribbon bakery, Downing Street
Overheard by: Adam Graham
Frat tourist guy: Hey! I just hailed a New York City cab!
New Yorker, jumping into cab: I just stole your cab!
–Bleecker & Hudson
Overheard by: sean
Queer eye: Lindsay Lohan wore this dress on the cover of Teen Vogue; ever since then, it’s been like…crack cocaine.
–Marc Jacobs, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Mat Triebner
Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass.
–11th & 2nd
Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning.
–Post office, Park Slope
Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters…
–In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square
Overheard by: Carol
Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?”
–Lafayette & Bond
Overheard by: jayloo
Hip Hop girl #1: Yeah, they’re tight, but they make me look good in a mirror.
Hip Hop girl #2: Uh huh.
Hip Hop girl #1: And I like the camel toe.
–22nd & 6th
Queer: My pants are so tight they’re soundproof!
–Bleecker & West 11th
Overheard by: Justin
White teen, grabbing heavy-looking computer monitor from black teen: Fuck, just give it to me, you whiner. You’re going to drop it and we’ll be screwed, you fucking baby.
Black teen: Bitch, chill, what has been with you lately? Lately you’ve been acting like you got your white boy period.
White teen: Really. Really. Look at me, look at what I’m carrying. Don’t fucking talk to me right now.
Black teen: Definitely, white boy period.
–6th Ave & W 12th St
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.
–Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
–Chelsea
20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
–Spring & W Broadway
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Obese 40-something Puerto Rican hoochie in black tube top: Hey, watch where you’re going.
Little blonde teen: Sorry. Didn’t realize you were late for your episode of “what not to wear.”
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: Jekke
Girl: Like, my grandmother got stabbed with an ice pick by her brother. And then they were estranged for years.
–Bobst Library, Washington Square South
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist