Girl: This popcorn is soft. I hate soft popcorn.
Guy: I know, I hate soft-core, too. It’s such a tease.
Girl: No, no. I was talking about the popcorn — it’s soft. But I agree: if there is no penetration, it’s not worth my time.
–Ziegfeld Theater
Archive for the ‘Theater’ Category
Though I'd Rather Heidi Klum Woke Me Up
Wife: I think we might need a stiff drink after this.
Husband: (doesn't respond)
Wife: It's supposed to be sad.
Husband: I think I want to take a nap now.
Wife: Do you want me to wake you up when the show starts?
Husband: (grunts)
Wife: Was that a yes or a no?
Husband: Yes.
–Cherry Lane Theatre
Overheard by: Emily B.
I Mean, Who Wouldn't Want to Be Abused by Mo'Nique?
Guy in orchestra, after Kristin Chenoweth has sang “I say a little prayer for you”, right before applause: You go, girl!
Guy in balcony: What did he say?
Guy's friend: “You go, girl” (rolls eyes) She's not Mo'nique in Precious.
–Broadway Theatre
Overheard by: They're both awesome
Just an Endless Conversation in a Big Room Full Of Chairs
Out-of-town girl: Is this a musical?
Parents: No… (mutters something unintelligible)
Out-of-town girl, flipping through Playbill: There's not even one song…
–Studio 54 Theater, Waiting for Waiting for Godot to Start
Overheard by: Jil
Or Is She 4 Foot 11 because She’s So Short?
Man, about actress Kristin Chenoweth: You know, she’s only 4 foot 11.
Wife: So that’s why she’s so short!
–Studio 54
…Perhaps You'd Enjoy It Poured Over Your Head?
Husband in theater: Water? I never touch the stuff. Fish fuck in it.
Wife, looking around, embarrassed: Go on, honey. Have another beer.
–Shakespeare in the Park, Delacourte Theatre
Overheard by: Heather Smaha
She Also Thinks Andrew Jackson Is Michael and Jermaine's Brother
Woman (reading Playbill before theater play: Oh, look Sharon*, someone's going to play one of the Marx brothers.
Friend: Which one?
Woman: Karl Marx.
–Lincoln Center
Hard Enough Sitting Still for One
Woman, about couple filing in for orchestra seat: What are those people doing?
Man: They're standing.
Woman: Oh, I wouldn't stand for an opera.
–Standing Room, Metropolitan Opera
Overheard by: Cheryl
Since He Moved in with His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air
Girl #1: And she was like, “Come to Philly!”
Girl #2: Ugh! Nobody goes to Philly. Not even Will Smith goes to Philly.
–Jenny Lewis Show, The Apollo Theater
Overheard by: Mindy
Until I Fuck You with a Strap-On at Intermission
Girl #1: I was so impressed with him! He immediately identified me as bi. No one else had ever done that before.
Girl #2: I know. When I came out three months ago, I called everyone I knew, and they were all surprised.
Girl #1: And here we are at Hamlet, sitting here in dresses! No one will ever suspect!
–Delacorte Theater, Central Park