Archive for the ‘Thievery’ Category

Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, They Want to Be Dirty

Hip­ster girl: …so then he was like, “Hi, re­mem­ber me? I jumped you on the bridge three years ago!”

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Gamoid

Girl: There are so many hands on me right now.

–1 train, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Girl on cell: So, I fell asleep on the bus the oth­er day, and when I woke up, the guy next to me had his hand be­tween my legs.

–BX 12 bus

Guy in wifebeat­er: Nah…Nah…That ain’t rape. That def­i­nite­ly ain’t rape.

–W. Broad­way & Spring

Teen girl: What did I do this sum­mer? I got fin­gered on a train, that’s what. Fuck­ing bitch­es.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

Dude on cell: I mean, I put her in some fun­ny po­si­tions, but you must know her bet­ter by now…Hello?

–4th St & 6th Ave

Hip­ster girl to hip­ster guy: I’m re­al­ly glad I ran in­to you! Maybe we could hump on this train too?

–Q train, Canal St

Over­heard by: mike C.

Wednes­day One-Lin­er: The World’s Old­est Pro­fes­sion

Old­er, dirty-look­ing hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hook­er and some malt liquor.

–Ave A & 4th St

20-some­thing girl: Se­ri­ous­ly! There is noth­ing bet­ter af­ter a stress­ful day than steal­ing a car, pick­ing up a hook­er, tak­ing her to the beach, fuck­ing her, killing her, get­ting your mon­ey back and not get­ting ar­rest­ed. Noth­ing!

–Un­der­hill & St. Mark’s, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Claire H.

Young woman to boss: If you don’t give me more hours, I’m­ma have to start sell­in’ my pussy!

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: Hol­ly

Sub­way mu­si­cian in drag the night be­fore Valen­tine’s Day: Be with the one you love! If you don’t have any­one, then hire some­body! And keep your re­ceipt!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Morn­ing Glo­ry

Mu­si­cian on train plat­form: Every­thing gonna be al­right! Get home safe, New York. Re­mem­ber: if you see some­thing, say some­thing, don’t keep it to your­self. And re­mem­ber, New York, if you can’t be with the one you love, pay some­one! Keep all the re­ceipts. I know what I’m talk­ing about.

–B Train

Over­heard by: Free Love

The Best Things in Life Are Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on cell: Why aren’t you look­ing for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Over­weight MTA work­er with mega­phone: Free shut­tle bus­es to Uti­ca Ave. Fol­low the crowd. Free shut­tle bus­es to Uti­ca Ave. Fol­low the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no ser­vice!

–Franklin Ave Sub­way

Over­heard by: Je­sus Jon

Home­less guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Over­heard by: Za­ck

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stum­bling out on­to the side­walk: Ha! It’s free! Every­one, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Ex­hi­bi­tion, 106th St & Broad­way

Guy giv­ing out free pens: Come on, don’t be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, on­ly thing you’re gonna get for free are these pens and your moth­er’s love.

–Kim­mel, NYU

Wan­na-be thug eat­ing ice cream: Wan­na know how much I paid for this? S’free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for steal­ing a box of bot­tled wa­ter: But Oba­ma’s Pres­i­dent! Every­thing should be moth­er­fuck­ing free for the next 279 years!

–Du­ane Reade

It Was a “Five Fin­ger Dis­count” in Every Sense Of the Word

Drunk girl: I’m to­tal­ly in­to “Wham, bam, thank you mam.” Peo­ple think it’s trashy but I just wan­na get mine.
Less drunk girl: I like to have re­la­tion­ships, make them work for it. I mean, what do you get out of a one-night-stand?
Drunk girl: One time I stole the guy’s watch.

–LIRR