Archive for the ‘Threats’ Category

…Away from Wit­ness­es

Mom on stoop: Don’t you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skate­board: Moooooooom! Go in­si­i­i­i­ide the hoooooouse! I don’t need you!
Mom neigh­bor: Did he just tell me to go in­side the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come in­side the house!

–Mon­roe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy

Over­heard by: Tiger­tail

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Car­ry­ing Low

Guy: I had to yell at her and tell her that she could­n’t be preg­nant — I mean, dude, that was last week.

–St. Marks & 3rd Ave

Preg­gers to male friend: And that ass­hole came up and body-slammed me on the train plat­form! Of course, every­one was look­ing at me like I’m the an­i­mal. How can you body-slam a woman who’s sev­en months preg­nant and not feel bad?

–D train

Over­heard by: Jan­nine Ram­lochan

Preg­gers to la­dy push­ing to get to cup­cake ta­ble: La­dy, I am four months preg­nant. Get­ting be­tween me and those cup­cakes is a re­al­ly, re­al­ly good way to lose an arm.

–Mag­no­lia Bak­ery

Snot­ty ac­tress: Oh my gosh, she is such a good writer for my act­ing type. Her script is so like, like — preg­nant with promise.

–14th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Emil­ia

Girl on phone: No, I can’t have sex with you. Be­cause then if I got preg­nant I’d have to be like, ‘Whose ba­by is it? Well, let’s see — is it black, white, brown…?’

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

British moth­er to young son: Do you know what I had to eat when I was preg­nant with you, Bill? Buns! Buns! Buns! Buns! That’s why you’re mad about buns. [To daugh­ter] And that’s why you like brown things.

–Var­ick & King St

Young woman to friends: And she keeps get­ting preg­nant, and I’m like, ‘Stop it, woman!’

–Co­lum­bia cam­pus

Over­heard by: Ch­eney

Maybe Mom Got a Head Wound in Iraq, or Some­thing

Lit­tle kid: Hey, mom, look! You can see the moon!
Ghet­to mom: Shut up! You can’t see no moon when the sun out. Sit down ‘fore I bust yo lit­tle ass!
Lit­tle kid: But I can see the moon!
Nice old­er la­dy to kid: You’re right, hon­ey. You can see the moon when the sun is out. The moon is bright be­cause of the sun.
Kid to mom: See, I told you I could see the moon?
Ghet­to mom: That bitch lyin’!

–A Train

Over­heard by: in­no­cent mta cus­tomer

Lois Com­mutes be­tween Ado­ra­tion and Homi­ci­dal Rage

Black woman, to eight-year-old white girl: I love the white peo­ple. You are so cute. I would babysit you. Come here.
White woman: Yes, give the lit­tle white girl a hug.
Black woman, to girl: If any­one fucks with you, I’m gonna be fuck­ing with them.

–47th & 8th

Over­heard by: alx­ie

Mor­lock v. Eloi: The Pre­quel

A thugged out girl tests all of her ring tones as loud as pos­si­ble for a sol­id minute.

Prep­py girl: Are you se­ri­ous with that? Can you do every­one a fa­vor and stop?
Thug girl: I know you’re not talk­ing to me. You messed with the wrong girl.
Prep­py girl: I’m sor­ry, I can’t hear you. Your scream­ing phone made me deaf.
Thug girl: I’ll f her up. But then she’ll call the cops; her peo­ple love the cops. Go back to where you came from!
Prep­py girl: I’m try­ing to. That’s why I’m on the train, you stu­pid bitch. Look, you got a new cell phone and that’s great, but fig­ure it out at home.
Thug girl: I’ll f you up. You’re f‑ing with the wrong girl. Don’t be fooled by the pret­ty face.
Prep­py girl: Pret­ty face? Where?

–N train

Over­heard by: Mat­ty M.