Archive for the ‘Threats’ Category

WOLing Me Softly

Grandma to kid: It’s really hard to kill people, you know. –West Village (20-something sits down and stretches his arms out in a yawn)
Man sitting one seat away: If you touch my leg I’ll kill you. –1 Train Middle-aged beefcake on phone: Oh yeah? Well he’s not trying anymore because he’s dead. –42nd & Lex Overheard by: bildita Suit on cell: He was a great guy, until he decided to kill someone. –Smith & Wollensky Loud woman on payphone (very angrily): Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with her? Mausoleum? What? What the fuck? –96th & Madison Overheard by: grateful undead Seven-year-old black boy: I’m goin’ to Iraq, to kill Obama! –125th & Amsterdam Overheard by: The Drummey

Wednesday One-Liners Are Working on a Perfume Line

Flustered suit pacing along street: Just letting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he finally decided to pay his bills. –84th St Overheard by: mikaela Man to dinner companion: So did you know Mia Farrow is doing a hunger strike? Because of what's happening in Darfur? I hope she dies. –Red Bamboo, West Village Transvestite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields. –4 Train Man giving out Metro newspaper: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, baby, you looking like Jennifer Lopez! Metro! –7 Train Suit on cell: If he does it again I am going to get all Chuck Woolery on his ass! –Gold St

He’d Better Get the Lube Out of the Barrel First

Queer: Could you deliver these?
Attendant guy #1: What’s the address?
Attendant guy #2: He lives [at 985 5th Avenue].
Queer: How do you know that?
Attendant guy #1: This is my friend the stalker.
Attendant guy #2: I have a friend who lives there, so I’ve seen you walking in and out.
Queer: Well, the guy who lives above me has a license to carry a gun, and he always does…I have his number on my speed dial. –Montague Wines, Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: Da rat