Well-dressed woman: So, we should have a threesome…
Well-dressed man: Yes, probably…
–10th & 3rd
Archive for the ‘Three is Company’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Reach Maximum Occupancy
Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that’s how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.
–Fordham University
20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It’s like an elevator, but opposite.
–N Train
Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.
–Astoria
20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn’t fall down an elevator shaft?
–F Train
Sex With Two Gay Men Sure Won’t Cause Sanity
Queer #1: So how is that girlfriend of yours?
Queer #2: What girlfriend?
Queer #1: You know, the one we had the threesome with.
Queer #2: Oh yeah, Constance…oh, she’s crazy.
–Greenwich & Gansevoort
She’s the Cob, and They’re the Cornholders
Girl: There’s a Duane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Duane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wearing condoms.
–84th & Broadway
Suit #1: But what happens if our cocks accidentally touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it.
–52nd & Lexington
Threeway One-Liners
Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won’t let me leave.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Inkling
35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.
–R Train
Overheard by: Abby and Holly
20-something college boy: I mean, there’s no “I” in “threesome.”
–Union Square
Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven’t decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.
–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd
African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I’ve ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.
–48th St & Broadway
Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl
You Can Just Stop Angling for a Two-Guy Threesome
Chick: So, David*, do you long for the protective touch of a man?
Guy: I’m your boyfriend.
Chick: So? Sometimes I think you long for a strong man to hold you and shelter you…
Guy: Goddammit, I am not gay!
–6 train
I’m Putting You Down As a “No”
Guy #1: Yo, could you ever double team a girl?
Guy #2: Yes. Don’t care if there’s a naked dude right next to me, I’d rail the bitch with him. Eiffel Tower that shit.
Guy #3: Fuck that. I’d feel mad weird being naked next to another naked guy, just banging some girl… Maybe I could do it if I had my clothes on. Like, I could just fuck her through the fly. That way it wouldn’t be weird.
–East Village
Overheard by: Hiromi
Dude, She’s British– She Wouldn’t Even Be Grateful
Guy #1: I’d totally have a threesome with Judi Dench.
Guy #2: Uhh, this conversation is getting uncomfortable.
Guy #1: C’mon, dude, dame Judi Dench is the bomb!
–Chelsea
After Initially Rejecting My Advances
Guy: He is so weird!
Girl: Yeah, he really bothers me sometimes.
Guy: I can’t believe he asked to have a threesome with you.
–13th & University
Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports
20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he’s not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he’s not gay.
–L Train
Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.
–NYC
Girl to guy friends: I mean, he’s okay he had the threesome – the guy was his best friend!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Angry woman on phone: While you’re out having orgies I am doing the real work!
–Victorian Flatbush
Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?
–NYU
