Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Thugs’ Category

The Unit­ed One-Lin­ers Of Wednes­day

Fe­male suit on cell: And if we get cus­tody, we can take the girls to North Car­oli­na! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!

–37th St & Madi­son

Over­heard by: catch­ing a train

Lit­tle boy: Mom­my, is Cal­i­for­nia re­al­ly far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?

–N Train

Crazy-eyed la­dy on sub­way: The pub­lic schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he’s get­ting all As in pri­vate school! We need to stop putting mon­ey in­to Geor­gia and put mon­ey in­to our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alas­ka, be­cause if we don’t, Rus­si­a’s go­ing to get a pipeline in there and take it all!

–Up­town R Train

Over­heard by: An­na P.

20-some­thing woman: I think he’s just go­ing to club me…and drag me back to Alas­ka.

–Bleeck­er & 11th

Over­heard by: Im­ma club you

Fa­ther to five-year-old daugh­ter touch­ing sign­posts and cars: You can rub any­thing you want in Con­necti­cut, hon­ey, but we have to be care­ful in New York.

–Union Square

Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hill­bil­lies be fuck­ing chill­in’ on the block. Ain’t no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fuck­ing crazy and kills, like, ten peo­ple? Like he’s walk­ing down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.

–V Train

“Fuck Your Moth­er” Is Prac­ti­cal­ly a Good-Guy Mantra

Young thug #1: Every­one is get­ting tat­toos! Every­one!
Young thug #2: Like who?
Young thug #1: Dave. He just got an­oth­er tat. I want a tat!
Young thug #2: So, why don’t you get one?
Young thug #1: I can’t… (whis­pers) My mom won’t let me.
Young thug #2: Shit, nig­ga, fuck your moth­er. You can get a tat and be a good guy. I’m a good guy. My record is sealed!

–Deli, Park Slope

The Wednes­day One-lin­ers NYC Tour Guide

Black woman: This here is Chelsea. It’s where all the rich ho­mo­sex­u­als live.

–18th Street be­tween 7th & 8th

Teenage kid: There are some hot Chi­nese bitch­es at this stop, son!

–Ful­ton Street G sta­tion

Over­heard by: Thomas Bugarin

Woman: Well, I’m in So­ho now…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Davis Mc­Davis

Queer: Oh, I went to Queens once. By ac­ci­dent. I was com­ing back from La Guardia and the taxi dri­ver said he was tak­ing me on a short­cut.

–Starlight, Av­enue A

Over­heard by: Lukas

Thug: Next stop: Ghet­toville, USA! That’s re­al Amer­i­ca, none of this Japan­ese-Amer­i­can bull­shit. Mmmm…smell that? Smells like the East Vil­lage!

–A train

Guy: This is the new Wall Street Times build­ing.

–41st & 8th con­struc­tion site

Man: See, that’s the one. If I was gonna write it a let­ter, I would be­gin, “Dear Ugli­est Build­ing in New York City”.

–West­in Ho­tel, Times Square

Over­heard by: Kay­la Ca­gan

Guy on cell: Bond Street? It’s north of Hous­ton Street so it’s not in So­ho. But I don’t know what the neigh­bor­hood is called.

–City Hall Park

Thank God the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie con­trol our lives!

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Home­less crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twen­ties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is “Des­per­ate House­wives” on?!

–10th Street & 3rd Ave

Large lati­no: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t be­lieve you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, se­ri­ous­ly bro… Well the main thing that hap­pened was Hei­di tried to apol­o­gize to LC and she was all like: “I wan­na for­get you!” I was like: “Whaaaaaat? For re­al?” It was crazy, you got­ta catch it!

–Times Square Of­fice Build­ing

Over­heard by: SU­SAN

Red­head: The “Brady Bunch” world is a world with­out urges.

–Ve­niero’s, 11th St be­tween 1st & 2nd

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la & Winifred

Mus­cu­lar guy: He comes up to me talk­ing all this shit, say­ing that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangs­ta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skin­ny moth­er­fuc­ka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.

–On the Bus

Ful­some girl with bad dye job: I’m like: “I watch ‘Law and Or­der: SVU’, I’m not get­ting in your van.”

–15th be­tween 6th and 7th

Over­heard by: Dis­union­square

Aries Spears, in line for an Ash­lee Simp­son au­to­graph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a ran­dom girl’s cam­era and snaps a pic­ture of them to­geth­er and walks away.]

–Vir­gin Mo­bile Mega Store, Times Square

Know­ing is Half the Bat­tle

Teen boy #1: Man, I tell you, da rea­son France don’t want us in Iraq is dat dey know the sec­ond we done in Bad­dad we is head­ed right over the bor­der and straight in­to Paris.
Teen boy #2: Nig­ga, you’se is ig­no­rant. Iraq ain’t next to no France.
Teen boy #1: Nah man, I ain’t sayin it is right up on France, but, you know, it goes Iraq, Ger­many, some otha coun­try, then France, so it is close.
Teen boy #2: Ain’t you eva seen no map? I’­ma gonna show you when we get to school. That shit is in Africa, be­tween Lidia and Egypt.

–F train

Over­heard by: Ed Sal­cedo

Guy: I asked you if you knew where he lived; you point­ed to Iraq!
Girl: Well, I don’t know. How was I sup­posed to know?
Guy: Iraq is not the same as Is­rael.

–Du­ane Reade, 28th & Park

Over­heard by: Jack B

That Re­minds Me; Fla­vor of Love is On

Teen girl #1: I like him cause he’s tough, but he ain’t thug.
Teen girl #2: Oh, he’s thug. He got that tat­too, he wears his pants all bag­gy and he got that great big coat.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he got that tat­too, but them oth­er things…he just short.

–A train

Over­heard by: iiams

Un­less They Come with Lit­tle Hookahs

Thug #1, flail­ing as piece of straw wrap­per lands on him from above: What the fuck was that shit?!
Thug #2: Shit! That fuck­ing looked like a cat­apil­la, man!
Thug #1, shout­ing at bal­cony above: Don’t you fuck­ing throw yo’ cat­apil­las at me! Damn!

–40th & 7th

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg