Archive for the ‘Thugs’ Category

Ow! Nice Cuffs, Though

Man in knit hat, dirty shirt, and hoodie exiting elevator: Yo, what you supposed to be, a cowboy?
Guy in cowboy hat and fringe jacket: Yeah, that’s right!
Man: Well, guess what — I’m a thug! Ha! [Turns to police officer standing nearby] And what about you, you supposed to be a cop? That’s a shit costume!

–DeKalb & Flatbush

Overheard by: Johnny Tremaine

Wednesday One-Liners Have Lost Their Group

Teenage boy tourist: Times Square is by far the coolest part of New York. It’s almost like heaven!

–Times Square

A tourist is craning his neck to photograph the Empire State Building.

New Yorker: What is he looking at?! … Oh.

–34th & 5th

Tourist: There isn’t anywhere within walking distance.

–53rd & Lex

Overheard by: Not a Clueless Tourist

Hobo, after stealing someone’s luggage: Tourists need to be more careful when they come to New York City.

–6th Ave & 23rd St

Overheard by: BOB Sled

Tourist dropping money in front of frozen female mime he’s been staring at for five minutes: That was truly incredible. Thank you so much.

–Outside MoMA

Tourist: I guess we should go to the Ground Zeroes.

–5th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Sally Tomato

Thug: Just push them out of the way. They’re tourists, they’ll love it.

–Times Square

Overheard by: duffduff

America Runs on Wednesday One-Liners

Thug: I love you because when I'm with you I feel like I'm Barack Obama and you're Hillary Clinton.

–N Train

All-black-wearing chick with cigarette: Do you ever find yourself thinking really conservative thoughts by accident?

–Outside International Affairs Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Subway crazy: Rip Torn for president! Denny McLain for Secretary of State!

–Uptown 6 Train

Girl with baby in her arms: You know, he taped an Obama poster on his door and I was like, "Oh no, you didn't put that up." 'cause he don't know nothing about politics. Hell, he a felon…he can't even vote.

–East Village Urban Outfitters

Five-year-old boy pointing at a sidewalk mural of Hillary and Obama: Mom, look, Hillary! (long pause) And some guy.

–106th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kip

Grumpy old man: Things have been going downhill since the Wilson administration.

–70th & Columbus

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

And That Was When Fat Albert Went Straight

Five thugs ascending subway steps see cop on the street: Ho! The pigs! Oink! Busted! [They run and one starts breathing heavily, wheezing.]Cop: Maybe you should have taken the elevator.
Fat thug: Shit! There’s an elevator?! Where’s the elevator?! [After they all go to look for the elevator] There’s no elevator! He tricked us!

–Lorimer St, Brooklyn

Frases De Miercoles

Young guy on cell: You're lucky I'm Colombian. If I was Ecuadorian, I'd be slapping you!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jobee

Angry man walking alone, to himself: I could have married a Dominican, but no, I decided not to!

–Mercer & Broome

Teen girl to friend: Your new Mexican is super creepy.

–On Line for the Colbert Report, Hell's Kitchen

Guy on cell: No, no, man, she's Puerto Rican. I'm just sayin' she's Dominican 'cause it sounds hotter.

–105 St & Lexington

Thug holding box of maxi pads: Yo, that motherfucker is like the gay Mexican Marlon Brando. Classic…

–CVS

Overheard by: Karen