Guy: Yeah, I was in jail and got my Associate’s.
Girl: Yeah? Was it free?
Guy: 20 dollars or something.
Girl: Damn! I’m gonna be paying school loans forever! I should go to jail!
–Wai Cafe, 17th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: 167girl
Archive for the ‘Time’ Category
Why the Democrats Keep Losing?
Obama volunteer #1: Are you registered to vote? Register to vote, November 2nd!
Obama volunteer #2: November 4th!
–Union Square
Overheard by: RM
Wednesday One-Liners Worry That Trucker Hats May Be Out
Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.
–E Train
Overheard by: dru
Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.
–N 6th St, Williamsburg
Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!
–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint
Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…
–Central Park
Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!
–Union Hall
Overheard by: Cass
Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?
–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg
And Many Mojitos
Queer #1: Do you think you could kill a man?
Queer #2: Yes, but it would take weeks.
–Cafe, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Don’t ask, don’t tell
Life Is Like a Box of Wednesday One-Liners…
Man on cell: What did I do to you? I bought you a house and you don’t even wanna live in it!
–F Train
Overheard by: LC
Conductor, over intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is overbooked. That’s just the way things are. Life is unfair.
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit: There was a time in my life when I would have never tired of hearing the word "vagina". That time has passed.
–Staten Island Supreme Court
Conductor: Watch your step as you exit the train, and if you’re late, just remember that life is a lot like being on this train: we may not be there yet, but we’re getting there.
–2 Train
Overheard by: can this conductor drive my train every day please?
Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner
20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!
–M-15 Bus
Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.
–28th & 29th
Overheard by: A black person from Chicago
20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Annie B
Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?
–Rite-Aid
Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: molls
Omagah, It’s Wednesday One-Liners!
Gay man with a completely serious tone: It is going to take a lot of brownie mix and a lot of sex -but I am committed.
–W 52nd & 9th
Overheard by: I wish I knew what they were speaking about
Queer: Well kids, it’s been great, but I gotta go. I have a meeting in a little bit and I want to masturbate first.
–Wagner College Dinning Hall
Queer: Anyone can just leave. It takes a true queen to make an exit.
–Christopher Street
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Queer: And then I was so glad I miscarried because getting knocked up and being pregnant is like, such a hassle!
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: bitterfame
Gay guy on cell: So wait, you got kicked out because a couple of bitchy fags sprayed you with alcohol?
–23rd & 7th
Black queer: My pillow is Gucci! Raaaaaah! [He beings to attack people with said Gucci pillow.]
–Pillow Fight, Union Square
Overheard by: Lillian
Old large gay man to group of young gays: It was really great meeting you all. You are such an interesting group of people. [To one boy.] I’d love to see you in a speedo!
–Hollywood Diner, 17th St & 6th Ave
Now Here’s a Tissue. You’re About to Sneeze
Brunette: I really need to have sex.
Blonde: Well you better do it soon because you’re getting your period on Wednesday.
[long pause.]Brunette: We spend too much time together.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky
There’s Very Little Sleeping Going On
Alabaman tourist: Do the trains run all night?
NY-er: Yes, they never close.
Alabaman tourist: Well, that’s good. We wanted to make sure we could get back from Times Square.
NY-er: Well, by New York standards it’s still early. It is only 9:30.
Alabaman tourist: Yeah, from where we’re from it’s late. We sleep with the roosters… Well, not literally.
–1/2/3 station, 72nd St
Overheard by: Debbie
Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Polygraph
Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.
–Rite Aid, The Bronx
Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood… Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!
–St. Mark's Place
Russian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.
–Q Train, Kings Highway
Overheard by: Robert
Dude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.
–Martin Luther King High School
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.
–Park Slope
Female suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.
–Washington Square Park
Woman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.
–1st & 72nd
Overheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least