Girl #1: So, we have a bet — if I have sex first, then I have to wear a shirt that she’s written all over, but if she– [looks around].
Girl #2: If she what?
Girl #1: … I’ll tell you later. I feel like people are listening, and I don’t want to end up on some website.
–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Guy: Yeah, I was in jail and got my Associate’s.
Girl: Yeah? Was it free?
Guy: 20 dollars or something.
Girl: Damn! I’m gonna be paying school loans forever! I should go to jail!
–Wai Cafe, 17th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: 167girl
Obama volunteer #1: Are you registered to vote? Register to vote, November 2nd!
Obama volunteer #2: November 4th!
–Union Square
Overheard by: RM
Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.
–E Train
Overheard by: dru
Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.
–N 6th St, Williamsburg
Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!
–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint
Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…
–Central Park
Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!
–Union Hall
Overheard by: Cass
Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?
–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg
Queer #1: Do you think you could kill a man?
Queer #2: Yes, but it would take weeks.
–Cafe, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Don’t ask, don’t tell
Man on cell: What did I do to you? I bought you a house and you don’t even wanna live in it!
–F Train
Overheard by: LC
Conductor, over intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is overbooked. That’s just the way things are. Life is unfair.
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit: There was a time in my life when I would have never tired of hearing the word "vagina". That time has passed.
–Staten Island Supreme Court
Conductor: Watch your step as you exit the train, and if you’re late, just remember that life is a lot like being on this train: we may not be there yet, but we’re getting there.
–2 Train
Overheard by: can this conductor drive my train every day please?
20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!
–M-15 Bus
Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.
–28th & 29th
Overheard by: A black person from Chicago
20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Annie B
Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?
–Rite-Aid
Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: molls
Gay man with a completely serious tone: It is going to take a lot of brownie mix and a lot of sex -but I am committed.
–W 52nd & 9th
Overheard by: I wish I knew what they were speaking about
Queer: Well kids, it’s been great, but I gotta go. I have a meeting in a little bit and I want to masturbate first.
–Wagner College Dinning Hall
Queer: Anyone can just leave. It takes a true queen to make an exit.
–Christopher Street
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Queer: And then I was so glad I miscarried because getting knocked up and being pregnant is like, such a hassle!
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: bitterfame
Gay guy on cell: So wait, you got kicked out because a couple of bitchy fags sprayed you with alcohol?
–23rd & 7th
Black queer: My pillow is Gucci! Raaaaaah! [He beings to attack people with said Gucci pillow.]
–Pillow Fight, Union Square
Overheard by: Lillian
Old large gay man to group of young gays: It was really great meeting you all. You are such an interesting group of people. [To one boy.] I’d love to see you in a speedo!
–Hollywood Diner, 17th St & 6th Ave
Brunette: I really need to have sex.
Blonde: Well you better do it soon because you’re getting your period on Wednesday.
[long pause.]Brunette: We spend too much time together.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky
Alabaman tourist: Do the trains run all night?
NY-er: Yes, they never close.
Alabaman tourist: Well, that’s good. We wanted to make sure we could get back from Times Square.
NY-er: Well, by New York standards it’s still early. It is only 9:30.
Alabaman tourist: Yeah, from where we’re from it’s late. We sleep with the roosters… Well, not literally.
–1/2/3 station, 72nd St
Overheard by: Debbie