Girlfriend, brandishing perfume: What do you think of this?
Boyfriend: Between ‘I don’t know’ and ‘What the hell are you talking about,’ I’d say a three.
–Sephora, Times Square
Archive for the ‘Times Square’ Category
I’ve Already Eaten Too Many People Today, Sweetie
Six-year-old black girl: Want a cookie?
White woman: No, thanks.
Six-year-old black girl: But they taste like black people and white people! See the chocolate? That’s the black people. See the white cookie? That’s the white people. Yum!
–Times Square
Wednesday One-Liners With Teardrop Tattoos
Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Never had it
Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.
–Atlantic & Smith
Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?
–Q Train
Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!
–Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny
Is It Sick That I Wednesday on Their One-Liners?
Guy on phone: It's probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn't get hired.
–4th & Lafayette
Overheard by: andy
Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really?
–Times Square
Man: The thing is: my safety word is "No, harder, harder."
–NY Comic Con
Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time.
–Fordham Law School
Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Will
Guy: Great. She doesn't even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish.
–Whole Foods, Chelsea
Overheard by: Hunter (aka,
By Getting Toasted?
Girl to friend: I absolutely love toast! Ya know?
Friend: I know! I pay homage to it every morning!
–Times Square
Try a Gay Bar, Honey
Scrawny tourist boy to two passing New York girls: Hey ladies! I'm single!
New York girl: And that's why.
–Times Square
With Great Power Comes Great Irresponsibility
Thug #1: Man, it’s Spiderman!
Thug #2: Ask him if he real.
Thug #3: If he’s real, why he be in front of Toys “R” Us, nigga?
Thug #2: I dunno — maybe he don’t got a movie to be in right now.
–Toys “R” Us, Times Square
Just Tell Him No Dessert
30-ish woman #1: So he’s never went down on you — no big deal. Young guys are like that.
30-ish woman #2: But he’s twelve…
–Times Square
Jeez, Look at Him Vomit Into That Potted Palm
Disgruntled woman #1: It's not that he kissed my cousin…
Disgruntled woman #2: Right.
Disgruntled woman #1: And it's not that he can't feel emotions…
Disgruntled woman #2: Most guys can't!
Disgruntled woman #1: It's that he drinks Bacardi-151!
Disgruntled woman #2: I'm sayin'!
–The Courtyard Marriot, Times Square
If You're Against Wednesday One-Liners, Don't Have One
Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!
–Brooklyn Music School
Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Mickey
Bar customer to bartender: You're only 22? I have an aborted fetus that's older than you!
–110th & Amsterdam
Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend's abortion by coming to the comedy club!
–Times Square
Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion.
–D Train
Overheard by: blistexaddict