Mom: Are you okay in there, sweetie?
Little girl in stall: I can’t button my pants.
Mom: It’s alright. Just come on out.
Little girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.
–Bathroom, AMC Theatres, Times Square
Archive for the ‘Times Square’ Category
I’ll Give You Five Back If You Let Me Graze a Nip
Aspiring rapper: Hey guys, ‘sup? Would you care to help a struggling rapper by buying my CD for $20?
Guy: Uh… I don’t really want your album for $20.
Aspiring rapper: Could you hug me for $10 then?
–Times Square
Exactly How I Felt in Nashville
Southern tourist #1 standing under large Lion King sign: Is this Broadway?
Southern tourist #2: We should stop someone who’s not scary and ask.
–Times Square
Overheard by: lauren
What? Dad Does That All the Time!
Woman, followed by pack of children: Okay, first one to catch up to me gets a dollar!
Little boy: Fifty dollars of joy!
–Times Square Station
Of Mice and Morons
Eighth-grade girl #1: Man, that Of Mice and Men book was weird.
Eighth-grade girl #2: I know, huh? And why was it called that, anyway? All they talk about is rabbits. No mice.
Eighth-grade girl #1: Dude, really! Why didn’t that guy call it Of Rabbits and Men?
Eighth-grade girl #2: I guess because mice also starts with M.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Shalamar
Okay, Now Let’s Try the Kit-Kat Song
Woman looking for friend who got lost in massive crowd: Marco! Marco!
Massive crowd of people: Polo!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Julia
A Smorgashboard Of Wednesday One-Liners
Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry anything. I don’t even fry my food anymore.
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny
Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: What a waste!
Preppy guy: At least *I’m* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don’t know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.
–John St
Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?
–Times Square
Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Catie
If Paris Hilton Comes Into Red Lobster, We’ll Discuss It
Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our accents over there?
Woman: No, it’s because in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs into restaurants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the Department of Public Health. Consider this a warning.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok because y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all.
–Red Lobster, Times Square
Overheard by: Lynne & Craig
I Can Only Tell You How Far Things Are From Maryland
Lady: ‘Scuse me, sir. Can you tell me how to get to Baltimore?
Man: That’s in Maryland
Lady: Damn.
–Times Square
NYC Rules Require This to Continue Until the First “Fuck You”
Chubby girl customer: So, no fights in here today?
Middle-aged sandwich artist: What happened to you?
Chubby girl customer: I was scared to come back after last time!
Middle-aged sandwich artist: No, I mean, you’re gaining weight.
–Subway sandwich shop, Times Square
Overheard by: Emma
