Archive for the ‘Times Square’ Category

Kinda Like the Whole God/Abraham Thing

Dude: Did you see that homeless guy’s sign? It said he wanted money for a hooker.
Chick: Really?
Dude: Yeah… Do you think a hooker has to sleep with a homeless guy if he has the money?
Chick: I don’t know…
Dude: Well, I guess if her pimp tells her she has to then she has to.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Eric

Use a Wednesday, So You Don’t Get One-Linered Up

Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?

–Times Square

Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: “If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant.”? Seriously!

–Broadway & 103rd St

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.

–Outside Trader Joe’s, 14th St

Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy – the baby snow monkey – came along. So be careful with your birth control.

–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys

Girl to another: I just don’t see why we can’t make our own condoms.

–14th St & 4th Ave

This Leopard-Print Fannypack Is Just Style

Flyer guy: Want to see a comedy show? It’s hilarious!
(passers-by ignore him)
Flyer guy: Okay, good talk.
Hipster girl: (giggles)
Flyer guy: Oh! You like laughing, want to see a comedy show?
Hipster girl: No. I’m not a fucking tourist, leave me alone.

–Times Square

Overheard by: not a tourist

Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.

–1 Train

Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I’d get a plane ticket right now, but it’d be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Oliver

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thompson

Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!

–Union Square