Pretty girl #1 in parking lot of zoo: Yep, it smells like zoo here.
Pretty girl #2: Well, I just farted.
Pretty girl #1, walking a few feet: Nope, still smells like zoo.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Ashley and Daria
Archive for the ‘Tourist Attractions’ Category
You Need a Schtick to Walk
Tourist lady: Excuse me, can I get to the New York Public library on this bus?
Man: Yes.
Tourist lady: About how far is it?
Man: It’s a ten minute walk or a twenty minute bus ride.
–42nd & 8th
Wednesday One-liners for Adoptionists
Crazy woman: I’m still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil. –Food Court, Grand Central Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Al-Qaeda: Hmmm…
Mother to son, as he exits camel ride: Were you scared?
Son: The part that was scariest was the germs.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: mully
Frank Lloyd Wright Is Spinning in His Ugly-Ass Grave
Guy #1: What’s that? A parking garage?
Guy #2 [alarmed]: That’s the Guggenheim!
–Across the street from the Guggenheim
Overheard by: Mary T Helmes Sheely
Nature or Nurture, NYC Edition
Girl: Mum, I can’t get through.
Mum: Honey, I’ve told you before, you have to push and shove past the people otherwise you’ll never get through.
–Rockefeller Center
Go, Go Gadget Hydrocar!
Cabbie: Where-to, lady?
Confused tourist: The Statue of Liberty.
–Rockefeller Plaza
Everything Monkeys Do Is Gangstrous
Guy #1: That’s so gangsta, bro!
Guy #2: What’s so gangsta about it? They’re just feeding monkeys.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Angelina Salgado
Rinse, Repeat
Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the butt? You let him sodomize you?
Teen girl #2: It wasn’t bad. I couldn’t shit for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the mall yesterday.
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: binja
Afghanistan is an Early Olympic Favorite
Guy: So then why are guys from the Eastern Europe and black guys so good at basketball?
Dad: Natural selection.
Guy: What?
Dad: They’ve had to fight to survive. It weeds out the physically inadequate.
Guy: Give me a break. It’s the ghetto, not some Hobbesian state of nature; they’re not cavemen living in anarchy up there.
–Madison Square Garden