Archive for the ‘Tourists’ Category

Ever Wish You Could Vote Tourists Off the Island?

French tourist, after discussing America's faults in the world, to American man: Can you take a picture of us with the Statue of Liberty in the background?
American man: Ain't she a beautiful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
American man: Well, she's French. Welcome to America.

–Staten Island Ferry

Wednesday One-Liners Say the Neon Lights Are Bright

Guy: Now, you know I want Tarzan the Musical to be a giant flop, but…

–54th & Broadway

Ghetto teen, watching Sutton Foster sing “You’ve Got Possibilities” from It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Superman!, the musical: Maybe these crackers be famous, but it’s Broadway. This shit sucks.

–Central Park

Overheard by: warren freeman

Tourist chick, on cell: On Wednesday, we’re going to see The DirectorsThe DirectorsThe Directors. C’mon, you know, The Directors! Oh, I mean The Producers!

–Sidestreet Saloon, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Wednesday One-Liners’ Hometowns Were Glad to See Them Go

Brit lady, to MTA booth lady: Two adults, please. We’ll be getting off around 58th Street.

–14th St F station

Overheard by: Fidget

Tourist: Excuse me, does the F train stop here?

–Subway sandwiches, Houston & Lafayette

Tourist woman, loudly: Jeany? How many stops are we going on this train?

–Times Square shuttle

Overheard by: nevermind

Tourist: Excuse me, which way is it to Upper Town?

–Broadway & Worth

Overheard by: dukes

Tourist: Is this now the Grand Canyon of the East Coast?

–Ground Zero

Tourist: My plane doesn’t leave for 4 hours. Can I walk to the Statue of Liberty from here?

–La Guardia Airport

Overheard by: Jose Hernandez

Tourist, leading a group of more than a dozen fellow tourists: Okay, I… um…don’t know where we are now…Oh, wait! Yes I do! We’re at the South Street Seaport!

–Union Square

Blonde: Look, there’s the Chrysler. Look, there’s Times Square. Where’s the Empire State Building?

–Top of Empire State Building

Overheard by: englishman in new york

Tourist, to deck hand: I can’t see the Statue of Liberty. Would you please move the lifeboat out of the way while I take a picture?

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Steven Lowell