Archive for the ‘Train Station’ Category

Wednes­day, with a One-Lin­er Chas­er

Fe­male day-drink­ing tourist: Oh shit, I left my vod­ka in the church!

–Out­side Trin­i­ty Church

Man on cell: If it’s pos­si­ble to fer­ment it, we have fer­ment­ed it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Mid­dle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the oth­er. I’m like that. My blad­der has room for the equiv­a­lent of one good cock­tail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Over­heard by: Ah.…middle age

Com­muter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: ba­con­ista

Old drunk walk­ing in­to a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my pre­scrip­tion?

–Broad­way & 106th St

Over­heard by: rick­bruner

With This Ring, I Thee Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to mar­ry me and you hes­i­tat­ed. You hes­i­tat­ed!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Act­ing pro­fes­sor: Act as if you’re fas­ci­nat­ed by what they’re say­ing, while think­ing about some­thing else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get mar­ried.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Lisa

Man, ad­vis­ing an­oth­er flirt­ing with hot woman: You got­ta go for it–unless she’s mar­ried!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to an­oth­er: Yeah, well… I’ll let you mar­ry my daugh­ter!

–10th St & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So ba­si­cal­ly, I took her to a gay bar on our wed­ding night.

–Cen­tral Park

Chick to guy: Are we *se­ri­ous­ly* ar­gu­ing about whether or not aunt Jemi­ma would sup­port gay mar­riage?

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That’s why I can’t help but love New York. New York is like the sick un­cle that touch­es you when no ones around.

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Girl, af­ter pass­ing a tourist bump­ing in­to her: In New York we say “ex­cuse me!”

–Ma­cy’s, Her­ald Square

Over­heard by: The City Plan­ner

Guy to friend: Are we in the in­ner city or just the city?

–1st Ave & 6th St

Dude walk­ing out of Penn sta­tion: You know what’s great about go­ing out in New York City? You can get com­plete­ly bombed and it’s no big deal, be­cause you’ll prob­a­bly nev­er see those peo­ple again, you know?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: BPV

Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like “shit­ter.”

–96th & Colum­bus Ave

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Wish They Could DVR Their Lives, In­stead

Young woman on el­e­va­tor to friend: I have a date this Thurs­day with a guy I met on match.com, and I was so ex­cit­ed, but then I re­mem­bered Thurs­day is Grey’s Anato­my! I mean, I’m DVRing it, but that’s so not the same.

–Wall St.

Over­heard by: krazy­hip­pie

Large 40-some­thing woman: But I’m not gonna be on Mau­ry sayin’, “I’m 100% sure!” Be­cause I’m not!

–10th St & FDR

20-some­thing woman on cell: It’s white, sleeveless…well, you don’t watch Gos­sip Girl but it’s to­tal­ly Blair-wor­thy.

–W 19th & 5th Ave

Ap­palled girl to friend: So, I guess he just could­n’t hold it in and need­ed to share with every­one around him, so he just shout­ed out “Fuck! I miss Gos­sip Girl!”

–Mer­cer & W 3rd

Saucy Lati­na: Tele­mu­n­do makes BET look like The His­to­ry Chan­nel.

–171st St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: The Low Hat

Guy to friend: My girl­friend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she’s high.

–PATH Sta­tion

Over­heard by: smjc­nj

30-some­thing woman on cell: Re­mem­ber sea­son one of The Hills? What a sim­pler time.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: The Evil Tri­an­gle

Fe­cal Co­l­iform Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Bird­seed don’t know shit about shit!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

An­nounc­er: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonko­ma is now board­ing on track eigh­teen. Shit…

–LIRR ter­mi­nal, Penn Sta­tion

Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer el­e­va­tor than we do! Shit.

–7th & 2nd

Over­heard by: BJ

Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!

–NYU din­ing hall

Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daugh­ter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mom­my.

–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus

Over­heard by: Robert

Fuck Am­ber Waves Of Grain– That’s Our True Na­tion­al Trea­sure

Vet­er­an on train: You know why Amer­i­ca is the best coun­try on earth?
NJ guy: Um, be­cause we got the most sta­ble econ­o­my and the great­est peo­ple. And be­cause we fight ter­ror­ism where the rest of the coun­tries aren’t pulling their weight.
Vet­er­an: Yep, I reck­on that’s all true. But I’ll tell you, this week when I was vis­it­ing New York, I went to this soup place and or­dered mac­a­roni. And this mac­a­roni was white, I mean with white cheese…not yel­low. I mean, can you imag­ine white cheese? You think oth­er coun­tries have white cheese? I mean, in Amer­i­ca you can have any­thing!

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Hor­ri­fied