Archive for the ‘Train Station’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Wish They Could DVR Their Lives, In­stead

Young woman on el­e­va­tor to friend: I have a date this Thurs­day with a guy I met on, and I was so ex­cit­ed, but then I re­mem­bered Thurs­day is Grey’s Anato­my! I mean, I’m DVRing it, but that’s so not the same.

–Wall St.

Over­heard by: krazy­hip­pie

Large 40-some­thing woman: But I’m not gonna be on Mau­ry sayin’, “I’m 100% sure!” Be­cause I’m not!

–10th St & FDR

20-some­thing woman on cell: It’s white, sleeveless…well, you don’t watch Gos­sip Girl but it’s to­tal­ly Blair-wor­thy.

–W 19th & 5th Ave

Ap­palled girl to friend: So, I guess he just could­n’t hold it in and need­ed to share with every­one around him, so he just shout­ed out “Fuck! I miss Gos­sip Girl!”

–Mer­cer & W 3rd

Saucy Lati­na: Tele­mu­n­do makes BET look like The His­to­ry Chan­nel.

–171st St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: The Low Hat

Guy to friend: My girl­friend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she’s high.

–PATH Sta­tion

Over­heard by: smjc­nj

30-some­thing woman on cell: Re­mem­ber sea­son one of The Hills? What a sim­pler time.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: The Evil Tri­an­gle

Fe­cal Co­l­iform Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Bird­seed don’t know shit about shit!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

An­nounc­er: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonko­ma is now board­ing on track eigh­teen. Shit…

–LIRR ter­mi­nal, Penn Sta­tion

Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer el­e­va­tor than we do! Shit.

–7th & 2nd

Over­heard by: BJ

Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!

–NYU din­ing hall

Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daugh­ter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mom­my.

–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus

Over­heard by: Robert

Fuck Am­ber Waves Of Grain– That’s Our True Na­tion­al Trea­sure

Vet­er­an on train: You know why Amer­i­ca is the best coun­try on earth?
NJ guy: Um, be­cause we got the most sta­ble econ­o­my and the great­est peo­ple. And be­cause we fight ter­ror­ism where the rest of the coun­tries aren’t pulling their weight.
Vet­er­an: Yep, I reck­on that’s all true. But I’ll tell you, this week when I was vis­it­ing New York, I went to this soup place and or­dered mac­a­roni. And this mac­a­roni was white, I mean with white cheese…not yel­low. I mean, can you imag­ine white cheese? You think oth­er coun­tries have white cheese? I mean, in Amer­i­ca you can have any­thing!

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Hor­ri­fied

Q: What’s Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Em­bar­rassed Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most em­bar­rass­ing thing in the bath­room.

–Barnes & No­ble

Over­heard by: V

Woman to room­mate: When we get home, we’ll have em­bar­rass­ing sex­u­al ac­ci­dents!

–Path­mark, Mas­s­ape­qua

Over­heard by: Are they re­al­ly ac­ci­dents if you plan ahead?

Nerdy TA: The the­sis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It’s a lit­tle em­bar­rass­ing, no one re­al­ly wants to give it, but it’ll make you grow as adults.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Girl to friend: I’m not em­bar­rassed that I peed in his bed. I’m just not.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, “how em­bar­rass­ing would it be rid­ing on a bike with a nun.”

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: gal­gal

Just a Lit­tle Bit Of Wednes­day One-Lin­er Re­peat­ing

Moth­er to child in front of dio­ra­ma of pil­grims and Na­tive Amer­i­cans: Well, that’s be­cause the In­di­ans nev­er met re­al peo­ple be­fore.

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: Pe­ter R.

Young girl, ar­riv­ing through train tun­nel at Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion: I won­der if Har­ri­et Tub­man is down here.

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

Air­head: I think like… Colo­nial­iza­tion is like… The um­brel­la theme of, like… Diplo­ma­cy.

–Pommes Frites

His­to­ry teacher, about An­drew Jack­son: He tight, he kill mad peo­ple, he bug­gin’.

–High School

Teacher, dis­cussing Thomas Jef­fer­son­’s mis­tress: You see, guys? His­to­ry is ex­cit­ing! It’s full of sex!

–High School, Low­er Man­hat­tan

Over­heard by: SzN31

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Are Pasta­far­i­ans

Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck out­ta here. How many times have I asked her to go to God­damn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sun­day, I ask that bitch to go to God­damn church with me. Nev­er! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”.

–Sepho­ra, 19th & 5th

Over­heard by: yas­sira dig­gs

Mor­mon guy: So last time I was here, I was try­ing to get to Co­lum­bia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t be­lieve I’m the on­ly white per­son here!” And sure enough, I was the on­ly white per­son there. I mean, I was wear­ing a tie!

–flight in­to JFK

Woman: Oh boy, you are in trou­ble girl. Je­sus says to come over here right now. Je­sus says come over here now!

–Brook­lyn Mu­se­um

Guy: So I re­al­ly need your ad­vice. My wife was dri­ving on the LIE, and she had a vi­sion from God telling her to sleep with this oth­er guy, so she did. Well, I fi­nal­ly got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and every­thing I say is a lie. I re­al­ly want to work this out with her, you know?

–Penn Sta­tion

God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Je­sus, ’cause I got Je­sus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anoint­ed, you’re dis­ap­point­ed!

–4 train

Over­heard by: saltylips

God Squad woman: Here come da Je­sus, fire from his mouth!

–1st Av­enue L sta­tion

Over­heard by: Adam Nathan

Girl: Je­sus there’s like a restau­rant every two feet here.

–46th be­tween 8th & 9th

Man: …come to think about it, my grand­fa­ther was in charge of the marsh­mal­low burn­ing dur­ing Joan of Ar­c’s burn­ing, so I guess it’s in my her­itage!

–45th be­tween 8th & 9th

Over­heard by: Alex Venguer

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pow­der Their Noses

Fe­male suit in bath­room stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (paus­es, makes bath­room nois­es) Okay, well, I need it to­day. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bath­room nois­es) Great! (paus­es, toi­let flush­es) No, it’s okay, go ahead. (paus­es) Okay, no, I’m re­al­ly sorry–I’m just en­ter­ing the sub­way, that’s what all that noise was. (storms out of the bath­room, does­n’t wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flus­tered 50-some­thing suit: It’s burn­ing! It’s burn­ing!

–Penn Sta­tion Bath­room

Man in stall: There should be a law against what’s com­ing out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: I agree

Suit in bath­room on cell: Hon­ey, I can’t talk to you right now. (pause) I’m in the bath­room! (pause) I’ve got a fuck­ing dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Re­stroom, Grand Cen­tral

Six-year-old kid, fin­ish­ing at uri­nal: Shake the weasel!

–Men’s Room, Re­gal Bat­tery Park City Cin­e­mas

Over­heard by: Russ Wall