Archive for the ‘Trains Not Subway’ Category

Wednes­day Con­ga Lin­ers

Man on cell: Yeah, so do you know that show Danc­ing with the Stars? They got the idea for it from the cam­era in my show­er.

–6th Ave & 55th St

Over­heard by: Ali­cia

Ag­ing badass to la­dy friend: Yeah, I to­tal­ly got es­cort­ed out of a Tom Pet­ty con­cert for danc­ing in the aisles.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Orig­i­nal Badass

Black guy: Hey every­body! Stop what you’re do­ing! There’s two black guys about to dance on this train! That’s some­thing you don’t see of­ten!

–A Train

Flam­boy­ant gay man to friend: You can’t sashay in there. There’s no room to sashay at all.

–Out­side LGBT Com­mu­ni­ty Cen­ter, dur­ing Fur Ball

Over­heard by: pan­darants

Drunk Asian girl: It’s al­ways time to dance in North Ko­rea.

–2nd St & Ave B

Think of the Starv­ing Ba­by Birds in Africa

Guy on cell: Yeah…right…uh huh…hold on a sec­ond.

He leans over and throws up on the side­walk.

Guy on cell: What were you say­ing?

–59th & 5th

Over­heard by: Jeff Hub­bard

Woman #1: I wan­na get re­al­ly stoned so I can throw up.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Just to know I can.

–LIRR

Girl: I want to throw up. Like, I have some puke in the back of my throat.

–Broad­way & West 4th

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are in a Tran­si­tion­al Phase

Con­duc­tor (af­ter a few min­utes wait­ing at sig­nal): One of those trains bet­ter hur­ry it up and move it, I have bet­ter things to do.

–N Train

Con­duc­tor: Across the plat­form is an ex­press 3 train. The doors are open, you can make it. Go for it! Go! Catch that train! (af­ter a few stops) There is an ex­press 2 train across the plat­form. You will make it. You will not miss it. You will make it.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: mo­ti­vat­ed

Cheer­ful con­duc­tor: Wel­come to the sta­tion for­mer­ly known as Prince!

–R Train

Con­duc­tor: We are now ar­riv­ing at Grand Cen­tral. This is our fi­nal stop. We’re six min­utes ear­ly, so now you can’t say any­thing bad about us.

–Metro North Train

Over­heard by: An­gela

Con­duc­tor: That is a 1 train and all trains are run­ning ex­press. An­oth­er lo­cal won’t run til 5 am Mon­day. You can wait but we don’t serve din­ner or break­fast, and I’m all out of sleep­ing bags.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Steve

Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, the train’s emer­gency brakes have been ac­ti­vat­ed for some rea­son. The train op­er­a­tor is go­ing to walk around the train and check if there’s a…body, or some­thing, un­der the train. Af­ter that, we’ll be able to move!

–C Train

Over­heard by: Pa­tient Pas­sen­ger

Train con­duc­tor: Last call for the 10:00 local…last call! Get on the train cause away we go, and it’s 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…blastoff!

–Metro North

Over­heard by: to mount kisco, and BE­YOND!

You’d Think They’d Tai­lor Them More to Me

Con­duc­tor (over PA sys­tem): Make sure you pick up all your be­long­ings… If you have small chil­dren, be sure to take them by the hand be­fore leav­ing the train. Thank you for rid­ing New Jer­sey tran­sit, and have a great day.
Jer­sey girl (to suit): Now see, I don’t have chil­dren! They haven’t thought these an­nounce­ments through.

–NJ Tran­sit

Sad­ly Not Be­yond the Realm of Pos­si­bil­i­ty

Kid press­es call but­ton on com­muter hot­line phone.

Fa­ther: Why did you do that?
Son: I’m sor­ry. I did­n’t know what it was.
Fa­ther: If you do that again the po­lice will ar­rest you.
Son: Re­al­ly?
Fa­ther: Yes, George Bush will come and take you to jail.
Son: What?
Fa­ther: He will kill you and put your pic­ture on the Wall of Mem­o­ries [Ground Ze­ro fea­ture].

–World Trade Cen­ter PATH sta­tion

One Life to Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Five-year-old boy to fa­ther: Is this an im­por­tant life les­son?

–14th & 6th

Over­heard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ig­nor­ing him: Hey, let’s go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here of­ten?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: ser­e­na

Woman, throw­ing Mc­Nuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: El­liot

Fran­tic crazy guy: I’m gonna go have a seat in Star­bucks and get my life to­geth­er!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Over­heard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that’s life, you screw peo­ple over and then you go to the Ba­hamas.

–Train in­to Penn Sta­tion

But That Gear Shaft To­tal­ly Con­sent­ed

Drunk mid­dle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don’t think…
Drunk mid­dle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jer­sey all have com­put­ers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he was­n’t even do­ing any­thing!
Drunk mid­dle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk mid­dle-aged man #2: They said I was dri­ving erot­i­cal­ly.

–NJ Tran­sit