Girl #1: Okay, but I don't want to be out too late tonight because I have to travel tomorrow.
Girl #2: You do *not* have to *travel* tomorrow…you have to get on a bus to Atlantic City tomorrow.
–E 19th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Silent J
Archive for the ‘Travel’ Category
Ladies and Gentlemen: Finally, the Reason the 7 Train Smells Like That
Employee #1: Did you know one company will fly you to outer space for $40 million?
Employee #2: I would never do that. I’d shit myself.
Employee #1: I shit myself even going to Queens!
–Broad & Beaver
Time for New Friends
Girl #1: How much does he want?
Girl #2: Ten dollars.
Girl #1 to gypsy cab: Fuck you! I’d rather drag my friend home on her face than pay you ten dollars!
–Union Square East
Overheard by: Jim
Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners
Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.
–1 Train
Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Oliver
Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…
–W 3rd & Thompson
Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!
–Union Square
But Have You Ever Been on the H?
Married lady: Yeah, and some days I sub at a magnet school in Bed-Stuy. It’s pretty wild. I take the J train.
Single lady: Oh, wow, the J train? I never talk to anyone who takes that. J, M, and Z, right? I mean, it’s practically like a foreign country.
Married lady: I’ve been on the J and the M.
–Savoia, Smith St, Brooklyn
Some Urban Legends Are More Plausible Than Others
Woman #1: I heard this train fell into the river one time. Is that true?
Woman #2: I dunno. I don’t see how it could. Maybe it could fall off to the side or something, but straight down? How would it get off the tracks?
Woman #1: I heard it fell into the river like nine years ago. Somebody told me that when I was in Miami.
–J train, en route via Williamsburg Bridge
Did You Expect to Gain More Sympathy by Using “Summer” As a Verb?
Crying hipster girl: I lost $300 on that fucking team!
Hipster guy: Wait, why are you a Patriots fan? You’re from, like, California.
Crying hipster girl: Yeah, but I summer in Vermont!
–Pop Burger, 58th & 5th
Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth
Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: j
English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!"
–34th St
Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!
–34th Street
Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.
–8th Ave & 53rd St
Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick?
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kelley
Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended!
–48th & Park
Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey.
–B48 Bus
To Make Her Crazy Enough to Fit In
Chick #1: I didn’t get into any of the colleges on the east coast I applied to. I’m so bummed.
Chick #2: But you got into Miami — that’s pretty cool.
Chick #1: But that’s not on the east coast. I’m going to have to get a passport and some crazy shots to go there.
–W 10th & Bleecker
It’s Like the Entire State Gets Spontaneous Parkinson’s
Girl #1: So how do you like New York?
Guy: I love it. I mean, I love coming here, but I couldn’t live here.
Girl #2: Why not?
Guy: I’m not a snow person. Snow should be visited, not lived in. Me and blizzards just wouldn’t get along.
Girl #1: We’re from South Carolina. We love it here. We don’t mind
the snow. It’s better than the storms and hurricanes.
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate the hurricanes.
Guy: Well, where I live we don’t have blizzards or hurricanes.
Girl #1: But you have earthquakes. That’s worse.
Guy: Maybe, but we don’t have earthquake season.
–Atlantic & 3rd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Dave