Archive for the ‘Tweens’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Wor­ry That Truck­er Hats May Be Out

Hip­ster girl: I hate it when ob­vi­ous­ly un­cool peo­ple wear flan­nel.

–E Train

Over­heard by: dru

Hip­ster girl: Shark Week is a week? It last­ed like a month last year.

–N 6th St, Williams­burg

Frumpy hip­ster: No! Hip­sters melt in the rain!

–Mc­Car­ren Park Pool, Green­point

Hip­ster on cell: No, I’ve nev­er heard of a noc­tur­nal squir­rel… Do you even… Wait, are you try­ing to tell me you’re gay?! No? Well, this is awk­ward…

–Cen­tral Park

Hip­ster guy to an­oth­er: Have you ever played with your­self un­der a black­light? There’s like all kinds of shit on your dick!

–Union Hall

Over­heard by: Cass

Frumpy mom, hold­ing up item for hip­ster tween daugh­ter: Cather­ine, is this iron­ic?

–Bea­con’s Clos­et, Williams­burg

And I’m Not Go­ing to Ex­plain Why Ur­ban Out­fit­ter-Wear­ing Moth­er­fuck­ers Are Sell­outs to a 30-Year-Old

Tween girl #1: That’s a girl’s shirt!
Guy in light blue shirt with pink flower on the back that says ‘Mom’s Week­end ‘04’: No, it’s not. It’s a man’s shirt.
Tween girl #2: No, that’s a girl’s shirt you have on.
Guy: I’m not go­ing to ex­plain irony to a 12-year-old.

–Tar­get, Queens

Over­heard by: Oh, Queens

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Tend to Ram­ble On

Old man at the bar: Every­day that I wake up and see that my name is­n’t in the obit­u­ar­ies is a good day.

–Cafe des Artistes Bar

Old­er woman, to friend: Then we’re go­ing to have to do the sun­tan lo­tion thing, and that’s go­ing to be a night­mare.

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

Over­heard by: EthanK

Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old peo­ple on this train. I bet they’re all wish­ing they were our age again. Suck­ers!

–N Train

Over­heard by: Han­nah

Old la­dy, to man play­ing steel drums as she dances along to the mu­sic: Shalom! That was awe­some, my man!

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Court­ney Mess­er

El­der­ly woman to el­der­ly friends: So then Andy comes down in his biki­ni, and of course all the old women go crazy…

–56th & 1st Ave

Old la­dy look­ing in­to fan­cy cafe: An­oth­er shit­hole!

–74th near Broad­way

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Old la­dy: Geral­dine, do you want to come up lat­er and play… With my wire­less router!

–Clark & Herny

Over­heard by: Lacy

Wednes­day: Soft As a Baby’s One-Lin­er

Drunk mid­dle aged man, grab­bing wife’s shoul­der: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, peo­ple! She’s go­ing to have a moth­er­fuck­ing ba­by! Nine months! Ni­i­i­i­i­ine months!

–E 9th St & Uni­ver­si­ty Place

Over­heard by: NYUTSOA2012

Tween to grand­moth­er: There’s this girl in my class at school who had a ba­by around Hal­loween, and she named it Starlight. It’s a ba­by girl.

–F Train

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on

Hys­ter­i­cal teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his ba­by!

–Gee Whiz, Tribeca

Train con­duc­tor: Stand clear of the clos­ing doors! Es­pe­cial­ly if you got a ba­by and a ba­by car­riage!

–Up­town 2 Train

At­trac­tive brunette: There were dead ba­bies in the tree. Like Christ­mas or­na­ments.

–96th & Broad­way

Wednes­day’s Gonna Have a Lit­tle One-Lin­er

An­gry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your ir­ra­tional preg­nan­cy!

–Grand Cen­tral

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abor­tion? I mean, I’m not even preg­nant!

–TGI Fri­days

Over­heard by: Sara

Gig­gling chick: When you get preg­nant, the on­ly things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Han­nah

Fe­male se­cu­ri­ty guard to friend: I don’t think I’m preg­nant. There’s no way I can be preg­nant, be­cause I was on­ly hav­ing light sex.

–Du­ane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: jmike

Hap­py la­dy on cell: Guess what?! I’m preg­nant! Yes, with a ba­by this time!

–96th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kind of Con­fused

20-some­thing chick: If I get preg­nant, I am so su­ing Fresh Di­rect.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy