Archive for the ‘Union Square and East Village’ Category

The Unit­ed One-Lin­ers Of Wednes­day

Fe­male suit on cell: And if we get cus­tody, we can take the girls to North Car­oli­na! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!

–37th St & Madi­son

Over­heard by: catch­ing a train

Lit­tle boy: Mom­my, is Cal­i­for­nia re­al­ly far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?

–N Train

Crazy-eyed la­dy on sub­way: The pub­lic schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he’s get­ting all As in pri­vate school! We need to stop putting mon­ey in­to Geor­gia and put mon­ey in­to our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alas­ka, be­cause if we don’t, Rus­si­a’s go­ing to get a pipeline in there and take it all!

–Up­town R Train

Over­heard by: An­na P.

20-some­thing woman: I think he’s just go­ing to club me…and drag me back to Alas­ka.

–Bleeck­er & 11th

Over­heard by: Im­ma club you

Fa­ther to five-year-old daugh­ter touch­ing sign­posts and cars: You can rub any­thing you want in Con­necti­cut, hon­ey, but we have to be care­ful in New York.

–Union Square

Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hill­bil­lies be fuck­ing chill­in’ on the block. Ain’t no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fuck­ing crazy and kills, like, ten peo­ple? Like he’s walk­ing down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.

–V Train

Meds­day One-Lin­ers

Ra­di­ol­o­gy nurse: I have been asked out be­fore. But nev­er while giv­ing a bar­i­um en­e­ma!

–Ra­di­ol­o­gy Med­ical Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Pa­per

Doc­tor on cell: I have to get ori­ent­ed as to the lo­ca­tion of those ca­dav­ers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabri­ni Med­ical Cen­ter

Old­er doc­tor to younger doc­tor in a group: You ac­tu­al­ly tried to get a der­ma­tol­ogy con­sul­tant to come in the mid­dle of the night? That was pret­ty dumb. You know those guys would­n’t get out of their Shea but­ter body wraps un­less the world was end­ing.

–Kings Coun­ty Emer­gency Room

Suit to la­dy friend: If you re­al­ly want­ed to smoke crack you’d go to the hos­pi­tal!

–Nas­sau St & Ann St

Over­weight girl to fe­male friend: Wan­na play gy­ne­col­o­gist?

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: Sarah Booz

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Dim­mer Than a Flint­stones Night Light

Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stu­pid.

–The Flame Din­er, 58th St & 9th Ave

Woman to man: But they were on­ly stop­ping the dum­b­ass­es… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.

–W 66th St & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Over­heard by: Su­san Vol­chok

(Blonde is hav­ing trou­ble hail­ing cab dur­ing rush hour)
Gyp­sy cab dri­ver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stu­pid!

–116th & Broad­way

20-some­thing guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stu­pid you are.

–4th St Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Glad I’m not dat­ing him

Girl: Alex­is, we’ve been over this. You’re stu­pid.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Cros­by

Bim­bette, yelling in­to cell: Yo! Look who you’re talk­ing to–I’m not ex­act­ly the smartest per­son in the world!

–Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Over­heard by: dumb as a rock

I’m Putting You Down As a “No”

Guy #1: Yo, could you ever dou­ble team a girl?
Guy #2: Yes. Don’t care if there’s a naked dude right next to me, I’d rail the bitch with him. Eif­fel Tow­er that shit.
Guy #3: Fuck that. I’d feel mad weird be­ing naked next to an­oth­er naked guy, just bang­ing some girl… Maybe I could do it if I had my clothes on. Like, I could just fuck her through the fly. That way it would­n’t be weird.

–East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Hi­ro­mi