Two elderly women walk past a stand selling roasted cinnamon nuts and say: Ohhh boy, those nuts smell good…
–East Village
Archive for the ‘Union Square and East Village’ Category
Overheard Goes to the Cinema
Girl #1: He fine.
Girl #2: Who? Anakin?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Finer den Usher?
Girl #1: Nah, nobody finer den Usher.
–The Pavilion, Park Slope
Black guy: Yo, fuck the Jedi. It’s all about the Dark Side. I’m the other Dark Lord you’ve been looking for.
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Joshua S.
Girl: Oh my god, all this time I thought I was a Buddhist, but I’m really a Sith.
–UA movie theater, Union Square
Overheard by: Lara Evangelista
I am an Individual
Nerd #1: From the way you talk about LISP, I think you went to MIT. Did you?
Nerd #2: Yes, I did!
— Union Square Park
At the Back of the Store, Dad Made a Few Quick Purchases
Little kid pointing to box truck: Store!
Dad: Yes, that’s right. That’s a store.
–6th St, between Ave A & Ave B
Overheard by: epsd101
How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?
Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.
–Henri Bendel
Overheard by: Stephan Dion
Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: ednapontellier
Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.
–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?
–Broadway & 50th St
Overheard by: Peter
Google It
Guy #1: It’s witch-tit cold out here.
Guy #2: “Witch-tit cold”? What the fuck is that?
Guy #1: It’s like “cold as a witch’s teat”, but updated for the 21st century.
–11th between 1st & A
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Unless Cocaine and Penises Count
Chubby girl: I need to lose some weight before I go on vacation. What did you eat when you went on your three-day diet?
Anorexic girl: Uh…I didn't.
–Union Square
NewsFlash: New Yorker Has Car. Film at 11.
Bro #1: Hey man, you alright?
Bro #2: (vomits in corner)
Bro #1: You good to drive?
Bro #2, slurring: Yeah…
Bro #1: You got some shit on your chin! (makes wiping motion)
–East Village
Overheard by: arf
So We Can Get Our Grades Up This Semester
Flustered queer student: I’m working for the next four days. I’m just glad I have a steady job now.
Hungover queer student: Yeah. I called about my job today, so hopefully I’ll be working tomorrow.
Flustered queer student: I’m so glad we’re both working now, because we need to be blowing more cocaine.
–12th & 5th
Damn You, Emo, with Your Googly Eyes and Red Fur
Hipster chick: God, stop being so emo!
Non-hip guy: I am not emo! [Stops and thinks.] I didn’t even like that movie. Fuckin’ fish.
–St. Mark’s Pl