Archive for the ‘Union Square and East Village’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hope the Build­ing Does­n’t Go Con­do

Fa­ther to young son: We’ll get an apart­ment in Ken­tucky. Then you’ll on­ly have to go to school through 6th grade.”

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Dash­ing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apart­ment bro­ker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been in­ter­est­ing. Last month Mered­ith tried to sub­let my apart­ment right out from un­der me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fi­ancé– a re­ceipt from when she got an abor­tion last sum­mer.

–10th & 1st

Over­heard by: ED

Rea­son­able cop: Even though it’s a stinkin frig­gin apart­ment, he’s got a place to put his ug­ly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Wood­side, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I be­lieve in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apart­ment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Con­duc­tor on very crowd­ed F train: Those of you with very small apart­ments will ap­pre­ci­ate them now.

–F Train

Over­heard by: da sarkastik nin­ja.

She’s a Ve­g­an — Pass the Cheese­cake

Girl #1: So I was think­ing about milk the oth­er day. Milk comes from cows. And what do cows eat?
Girl #2: Oth­er cows?
Girl #1: No, dum­b­ass! They eat grass! So it stands to rea­son, when you drink milk, you’re ac­tu­al­ly drink­ing liqui­fied grass.
Girl #2: Ugh, gross! I’m so not drink­ing milk any­more.
Girl #1: To­tal­ly, that’s why I drink soy.

–Ve­niero’s, 11th St & 1st Ave

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are An­oth­er Year Old­er but None the Wis­er

20-some­thing: I did­n’t even re­al­ize it was my birth­day un­til I checked Face­book!

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: mtraine­ti­quette

Girl to friend: We should cel­e­brate tonight–it’s my half birth­day in 10 days.

–Croc­o­dile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See no­body is wear­ing birth­day scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you re­al­ly be­lieve I was go­ing to get you a Hel­lo Kit­ty vi­bra­tor for your birth­day?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birth­day! You should be giv­ing *me* mon­ey!

–111 & Broad­way

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog own­er to an­oth­er: Dogs are fun­ny. They’re like lit­tle re­tard­ed kids.

–Tomp­kins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Deb­bie down­er to Deb­bie Down Syn­drome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Timo Lip­ping

Dad: I thought she would like Car­oli­na, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, “I liked the schools… But every­one there seemed slight­ly re­tard­ed.”

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: John­ny V.

South­ern woman who just ran NYC marathon to South­ern friend: Well, we can’t have a ba­by now be­cause it would be re­tard­ed… be­cause I’m 35, you know?

–Bec­co Restau­rant, The­ater Dis­trict

Over­heard by: mer­say­seh