Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Union Square and East Village’ Category

Dare We Ask about the “New Anal”?

Girl wield­ing pen: Some­times I want to write on your face.
Guy: That’s okay. Some­times I want to cum on your face.
Girl: Yeah, I know you do. I saw your porn col­lec­tion.
Guy: So sue me. But look, I’m not talk­ing about cov­er­ing your face in jizz. Just a lit­tle on the side.
Girl: A lit­tle on the side?
Guy: Like on your cheek or the cor­ner of your mouth.
Girl: I don’t think so.
Guy: You should. It’s on­ly po­lite. Es­pe­cial­ly if you like me. It’s like the new swal­low­ing.

–Fish Bar, East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: John-John

At Least Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Pret­ty

Girl to friend: I won­der what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween hard tacos and soft tacos.

–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court

Over­heard by: NTA

Guy talk­ing to his friend: I don’t be­lieve there is a first time for every­thing, but I do think there is a first time for any­thing.

–2nd St & Ave B

Over­heard by: Max Berlinger

Girl on cell in hall­way: She told me to get bac­te­r­i­al soap.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Rose Hill

Over­heard by: Kriszti­na ‚who us­es an­ti-bac­te­r­i­al

Sub­way co­me­di­an: My wife is so stu­pid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awk­ward si­lence fol­lows. Co­me­di­an pro­ceeds to dance around a sub­way pole pre­tend­ing to be a strip­per.]

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Sub­way rid­er

Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop do­ing this “liv­ing pay­check to pay­check” thing be­cause every time you get a check it’s like an emo­tion­al high­way.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty Cam­pus

Over­heard by: Ali­na

Col­lege girl, af­ter clos­ing a Nutel­la jar: I solved it! I solved the puz­zle!

–Broome St

Over­heard by: YJL

Try “Dog­gies for Drug­gies,” Sir

Young thug to AS­P­CA rep with Pit Bull: Yo, is that a Pit Bull? Can I get her?
AS­P­CA rep: Yes, she is up for adop­tion, her name is…
Young thug: Yo, that’s cool, cuz I like sell weed and shit, and I need a pit.
AS­P­CA rep: Uhh… (turns and walks away)
Young thug: I ain’t gonna beat her.

–Union Square, AS­P­CA Day

Over­heard by: Some­body should beat him.