Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category

The Au Jus Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

11 year-old boy throw­ing wa­ter bal­loon back and forth: It’s like a hy­men, per­fect­ly in­tact af­ter a mi­nor rape! (bal­loon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hy­men juices!

–Tomp­kins Square Park

Eight-year-old boy to an­oth­er: God, just drink your spit!

–90th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not go­ing to ejac­u­late! (re­peats it over and over)

–D Train

Over­heard by: seat chang­er

Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty peo­ple suck.

–W 23rd Street

Over­heard by: Cool and Dry

Lit­tle girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!

–2nd & Ave A

Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m drip­ping cum!

–Hes­ter & Allen

Over­heard by: low­er east side

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Can Pick Up Quar­ters With No Hands

Girl on cell: Quite frankly, I’d rather be pole danc­ing.

–Bryant Park

Over­heard by: brain­curve

Girl: I mean, I’m a strip­per, but that don’t mean I’m a ho.

–Cen­tral Park

Guy on cell: I don’t get the whole Pent­house Club thing. There are strip­pers, and they serve you steak? I don’t want a fuck­ing strip­per on my lap while I’m eat­ing steak. I’ve got a knife.

–Austin Street, For­est Hills

Over­heard by: Ethan

Black girl: ‘Fo re­al, she makes all that mon­ey dancin’, and she can’t even her­self get a weave?

–86th & 2nd