Girl #1: All old people talk about is food.
Girl #2: Well, all we talk about is sex.
–71st & 3rd
Overheard by: sandy fishnets
Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!
Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!
–Queens
Middle-aged Latino: I’ve got barbie dolls!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bobble-head doll!
–96th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Galatea
Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.
–11th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Bill
Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much because you said we’re not supposed to play in the meditation room.
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
…Or a Trannie in the Present One
Girl #1: Wow, you have no problem talking to those guys at the bar like a guy.
Girl #2: Yeah, I know. I must have been a guy in a past life.
–74th & 1st
Overheard by: Megan C.
Clearly Education Majors
Girl #1: I always get so much more jazzed after drinking Diet Pepsi than regular Pepsi.
Girl #2: Well, that’s because Diet Pepsi has soooo much more sugar than regular Pepsi.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: Mallory McMahon
I Used to Have 102 of You, You Know.
Woman with dalmatian, stuck on island mid-crossing: We don’t want to get killed on Park Avenue! We need to go to Fifth Avenue!
Dalmatian: [Silent.]Woman: Fifth Avenue only!
–92nd & Park
Ma’am, Please Don’t Nurse the Seals
Chubby girl: I just went to the zoo!
Homely friend: Without me?
Chubby girl: I saw the seals! They looked like our offspring!
–Tasti D‑Lite, 3rd Ave, UES
Overheard by: alexandra
Depends on Whether I Get Everything Back
20-something girl singing: Put your cock and balls in my mouth… La-la-la.
Boyfriend: What?
20-something girl: I just think it would be fun.
–66th & 3rd
Overheard by: I wish
Are You Now, or Have You Ever Been, a Member Of the Communist Party?
20-something woman: Do you have decaffeinated tea?
Waitress: Yes.
20-something woman: Does it have caffeine in it?
Waitress: No?
–86th & York
Overheard by: Silently Amused
He Scribbles Notes in the Margarines
Girl #1: I thought it was gross that he butters his bread on both sides.
Girl #2: Ew! He butters his bread on both sides?
Old woman: Is he married or something? I mean to be that particular…
Girl #3: No, he just wants to be published.
–Shun Lee Palace, East 55th Street
Overheard by: Andrew Saint-John Goodwin
Does the Dog Ride the Short Bus to Obedience School?
Girl: How is a dog like a hairy retard?
Guy: How is a dog not like a hairy retard?
–92nd between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: B
