Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog own­er to an­oth­er: Dogs are fun­ny. They’re like lit­tle re­tard­ed kids.

–Tomp­kins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Deb­bie down­er to Deb­bie Down Syn­drome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Timo Lip­ping

Dad: I thought she would like Car­oli­na, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, “I liked the schools… But every­one there seemed slight­ly re­tard­ed.”

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: John­ny V.

South­ern woman who just ran NYC marathon to South­ern friend: Well, we can’t have a ba­by now be­cause it would be re­tard­ed… be­cause I’m 35, you know?

–Bec­co Restau­rant, The­ater Dis­trict

Over­heard by: mer­say­seh

What is Hard­core? (NYC Short Sto­ries)

Girl: Wow, last night I was so drunk. I can’t be­lieve that I got so
wast­ed off on­ly a pint of gin. In first year I could drink like twice that amount and par­ty all night.
Guy: So you were hard­core then?
Girl: Naw, I was­n’t hard­core, I was just an id­iot.

–NYU A bus

Guy: Have you ever drank the worm?
Girl: Oh, hell yeah. And that’s hard­core ’cause I’m a veg­e­tar­i­an.

–Mc­Cabe’s Liquor Store, 3rd Av­enue

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Lunch Hour

Prefer­ably in He­brew

13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you re­mem­ber that you told me my Bar Mitz­vah was ter­ri­ble?
13-year-old boy #2: When did I say that? I did not say noth­ing.
13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you re­mem­ber? You were talk­ing to Eileen and you said I made a lot of mis­takes. Don’t blame me.
13-year-old boy #2: Don’t blame you? You’re blam­ing me! This is why we can’t get to­geth­er. Now we can’t eat din­ner to­geth­er. We need con­flict res­o­lu­tion.

–Barnes & No­ble, 86th & Lex­ing­ton

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: So Life­like!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would to­tal­ly do it!

–Queens

Mid­dle-aged Lati­no: I’ve got bar­bie dolls!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

News­pa­per ven­dor: Cause I have that mul­ti­ple sneez­ing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bob­ble-head doll!

–96th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: Galatea

Girl leav­ing nail sa­lon: It looks like Mal­ibu Bar­bie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bill

De­spon­dent lit­tle girl in cof­fee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much be­cause you said we’re not sup­posed to play in the med­i­ta­tion room.

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn