Grandma to kid: It’s really hard to kill people, you know.
–West Village
(20-something sits down and stretches his arms out in a yawn)
Man sitting one seat away: If you touch my leg I’ll kill you.
–1 Train
Middle-aged beefcake on phone: Oh yeah? Well he’s not trying anymore because he’s dead.
–42nd & Lex
Overheard by: bildita
Suit on cell: He was a great guy, until he decided to kill someone.
–Smith & Wollensky
Loud woman on payphone (very angrily): Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with her? Mausoleum? What? What the fuck?
–96th & Madison
Overheard by: grateful undead
Seven-year-old black boy: I’m goin’ to Iraq, to kill Obama!
–125th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: The Drummey
Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)
Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you! –113th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning! –Grand Concourse, 205th St. Overheard by: LSB Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs. –11th & A Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray. –C Train Overheard by: Mark Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion. –Queens Mall Overheard by: LSB
Walkin’ Talkin’ Wednesday One-liners
Mailman: Hey man, my shift just ended so I can start walking faster now. –70th between 2nd & 3rd Overheard by: Anna A
That’s Underemployment to You
Drunk dude #1: You see, the East Village is not so bad, you need to get out of the Upper East Side more often.
Drunk dude #2: Fuck you bro, the East Village smells like feet, unemployment, and Indian food.
–4th & Ave A
Overheard by: Ahmad Zubair Sahar
The Goyim Say ‘Jew-Pimples’
Teenage girl #1: Do you say, “Goose-pimples”?
Teenage girl #2: No…Jewish people say that.
–81st St
Overheard by: JAP
The Unkindest Cunt of All
Girl #1: Jenny said she wants to have kids.
Girl #2: With that vagina? How does she expect to pop them out?
Girl #1: I know, right? She said she’s been to five gynos in the last week.
Girl #2: Lord have mercy on those children — their mama’s vagina is nasty.
–73rd & 2nd
“Do you hail the horse or the driver?”
Tourist woman #1: Where is 5th Avenue?
Tourist woman #2: Oh, we won’t get there until we actually get a cab to New York.
–94th & Lexington
Overheard by: Joe Frankie
Presenting 2007’s Least-Reassuring Reassurance
Hobo: Yo, can I get a cigarette? [Girl hands him one.] Can I get a light? Don’t worry, I’m not going to mug you — it’s too cold for that shit. –90th & 1st
Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man
Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus! –Broadway & Prince Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together? –Fordham Plaza Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him? –St. Luke's Church, Whitestone Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher. –E Train Overheard by: Giggling at crack Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void. –Union Square Overheard by: Alfie
The College Reunion Was a Mistake, Huh?
Student: How was your break?
Math teacher: Screw you!
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: citysnidget