Hobo: I need money for food.
Guy: Me too, mind if I borrow some from your cup?
–86th & Lexington
Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category
The Real Reason She Prefers Doggy Style
Man: Hey! I didn’t expect to see you here.
Woman: Just gotta find a quick read.
Man: Wow. I didn’t know hookers could read.
Woman: Yeah… I gotta do something while you fuck me.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lex
Wednesday One-Liners Looked Better in the Previews
Husky unshaved guy to younger girlfriend: You mean you never saw Animal House? You're not human!
–Lower West Side
Thug to another: Jabba the Hutt? That's like some Tony Soprano shit, nigga. And the spices? That's drugs. Star Wars drugs!
–13th St & University
Overheard by: Jaimie
Girl to friends: My English teacher said Precious is "whack."
–City Cinemas, E 86th St
Stuffy Bulgarian professor: Do you guys know the film Soul Plane? It's very funny, right?
–NYU
Overheard by: really glad I got up before 9:30 for this
Girl on cell: Yeah, after that movie, I'm gonna think all adopted kids are evil dwarfs with a hormone imbalance.
–Columbus Circle
Wednesday One-liners Make History Come Alive
Dude: Dude, the Thirty Years War ended four hundred years ago! Get over it!
–63rd and York
Overheard by: John Bardes
Amateur historian: The English people that lived on the Island respected her because she is Italian, and the English respect Italians because they respected the Romans.
–Penn Station
I Also Have Too Many Inches for the Ladies
Girl #1: Was he a virgin?
Girl #2: Yeah, I think so.
Girl #1: I bet. He totally needed a new haircut.
–Uptown Lounge, 3rd Avenue
I Believe He Goes by “Mr. Magic Dragon” Now
Foreign girl: How is your puffy friend?
American guy: What?
Foreign girl: You know, the puffy! (hold out her hands to indicate fatness)
American guy: Oh, yeah, he's good.
–89th & 2nd
Overheard by: Tom
Nike Does — They’re Called Knee Pads
Girl #1: I think I should get these high heel shoes ’cause Joe is really tall so I need to like, be able to reach him when I’m giving him head.
Girl #2: But…how would that help? You’re gonna be on your knees anyway.
Girl #1: Oh, that’s true. Hmm, do you think Steve makes something for that?
–Steve Madden, 83rd St.
Overheard by: Amanda Fox
Gay Men: Welcome to Our World, Straight Boy!
Girl: I gotta buy a new hair dryer.
Guy: You just got one like two weeks ago!
Girl: Yeah, I know, but I don't like it. I mean, it dries my hair, but not the way I like.
Guy: (sighs)
–E 84th St
Overheard by: Lisa Freestone
You’ll Have to Pry It from My Cold, Dead Hands
[guy takes a flyer]Flyer guy: Hey, do you want to know about…
Guy interrupting: No.
[guy goes into revolving door and flyer guy follows him into the same section of the door and stops it]Flyer guy: Don’t be such a jerkwad, I want my flyer back.
–68th St Loews
Overheard by: LSB
Lolly Launches Scuds at the Slightest Provocation
13-year-old WASP girl #1: Hey.
13-year-old WASP girl #2: You’re a fucking bitch. I hope you burn in hell.
–85th & 1st
Overheard by: Rob