Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category

Not-So-Educated Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Hi, I just realized today that my wallet was stolen a month ago.

–Chase Manhattan, Broadway & 73rd

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Guy: I’ll have a Mahatma grande.

–Starbucks, Broadway & 98th

Lady: If it was a real fortune-teller or whatever, they’re not supposed to charge you, right?

–78th & 2nd

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Polygraph

Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.

–Rite Aid, The Bronx

Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood… Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!

–St. Mark's Place

Russian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.

–Q Train, Kings Highway

Overheard by: Robert

Dude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.

–Martin Luther King High School

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.

–Park Slope

Female suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.

–Washington Square Park

Woman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.

–1st & 72nd

Overheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least

How Was Your Holiday, New York?

Guy: Did you hook up with anyone on New Year’s?
Girl: Yeah, and he’s like a prince of some country.
Guy: Heh, that’s cool I guess. Did he take you to his palace?
Girl: No, but that would’ve been cool. I’ve always wanted to touch a prince’s penis.

–6 train

Chick: So, I figured we’d ring in the new year with a three-way.

–34th & Park

Chick: There are 3 things I hate about the holidays. One, people who become assholes for no reason. Two, people who become more emotional for no reason. And three, people who are both of the above.

–86th & 2nd

Overheard by: Gwenn Levine

But That’s, Like, The Worst Hampton!

Jappy girl #1: So like, I couldn’t believe what happened to Erica*, but like, I think she’ll be ok. I mean, she’s gonna marry some guy who went to Penn instead of some guy who went to Princeton, and she’ll have a country house in South Hampton instead of like, East Hampton, but I think she’ll be ok.
Jappy girl #2: Oh yeah, I think she can handle it.
Jappy girl #1: Poor thing.

–The Dalton School

Overheard by: Vicksburg