Thug: So, if I’m half black and half American Indian, that makes me Puerto Rico.
Thugette: I told you that you was Puerto Rican.
–149th & 3rd, Bronx
Headline by: Mariya
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, it makes you unemployed” – Mr. Bone
· “Bitch, don’t be callin’ me no adjectival form!” – was “rico”/”rican” the first thing you noticed too?
· “Dora the Explorer: South Bronx Edition” – Scott
· “Runs With Hookers didn’t excel in Ethnic Studies” – bri b
· “The new theory of relativity” – sara swank
Hobo: I was an extra in the movie [inaudible] Times Square, man! Did you see it? I was the one down on my knees screaming, ‘I’m a born-again porno addict!’
–N train
Man on cell: Yo, dude, I don’t know what to get! They got all kinds of shit in there!
–Outside adult video store, 14th & 6th
Overheard by: Sarah
Hot chick on cell: Why are you so stressed?! This sounds like a good thing! Don’t be so serious about it! It’ll be okay! Here, did you know there’s an animal rights group called ‘Porn Stars for Pups’?
–The Black Sheep
Overheard by: Argopelter
Guy on cell, pushing by couple with baby in stroller: I’m not going to California! I pay her twelve hundred dollars per hour. If she doesn’t sleep with Niko, then fire her! I lost a hundred thirty-eight fucking grand yesterday! Tell her what to do, and deal with it!
–Horatio & Hudson
Overheard by: Stephen Lindsay
Angry girl to friend: Seriously, Chris, can’t we go one day without talking about shizer porn?!
–East Village
Old Park Ave husband: Now this is what the weather is supposed to be.
Old Park Ave wife: Yes. Not too hot, not below zero.
Old Park Ave husband: One of many reasons why Florida is a shit show.
–Park Ave & 61st St
Overheard by: JayHammy
Suit: It’s up in Connecticut, right over the river in Norwalk, I think.
Lady suit: Oh, I don’t that Connecticut, I only know Danbury.
Suit: Isn’t that in Connecticut?
Lady suit: I told you, I don’t know Connecticut.
–Maiden Lane & South Street
Yuppie guy: I don’t know, man. I’m still on Connecticut time.
–W. 56th between 5th & 6th
New Yorker guy: You know that summer camp I went to? My friend is now the head of it and I’m going to help him out next month.
Girl, laughing: Awww, you’re going to teach the kiddies how to canoe and tie slip knots?
New Yorker guy: No, I’m gonna teach them about the Holocaust.
Girl (laughs then pauses): Wow, that is not what we did at Girl Scout camp in Wisconsin.
–6th Ave & 19th St
Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.
–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Tess
Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!
–45th & 9th
Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…
–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens
Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!
–R Train
Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll
Dude #1, while crossing Yankee stadium: Dude, are we in Staten Island yet?
Dude #2: Are you retarded?
–4 Train
Crazy lady: Where are we?
Stranger: New York City.
Crazy lady: Should I call 911?
–Amtrak
Overheard by: tj
TV: ‘It’s official — Hillary Clinton is running for the presidency…’
Secretary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Secretary #2: I don’t know… I have to see who else is running.
Service associate: You think a woman can handle these 52 states? This is a big continent — you think a woman can handle that?
–Montefiore Medical Center
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· “At least we knew Monica could handle a big load” – Roxi
· “I mean, really, Debbie could only handle Dallas.” – Mikie
· “If she can’t handle the small “jobs” at home…” – Kenneth
· “Men lying about size? Yeah, a woman can handle that.” – bella
Law student #1: How was your summer?
Law student #2: Off the hook. Italy is the third fucking world. Poverty kicks ass when you don’t have to deal with it, like, every day.
–Mercer & 3rd