Archive for the ‘U.S. Geography’ Category

I Could Build a Casino, Then Rob It

Thug: So, if I’m half black and half American Indian, that makes me Puerto Rico.
Thugette: I told you that you was Puerto Rican.

–149th & 3rd, Bronx

Headline by: Mariya

Runners-Up:

· “Actually, it makes you unemployed” – Mr. Bone

· “Bitch, don’t be callin’ me no adjectival form!” – was “rico”/”rican” the first thing you noticed too?

· “Dora the Explorer: South Bronx Edition” – Scott

· “Runs With Hookers didn’t excel in Ethnic Studies” – bri b

· “The new theory of relativity” – sara swank


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Do Dallas

Hobo: I was an extra in the movie [inaudible] Times Square, man! Did you see it? I was the one down on my knees screaming, ‘I’m a born-again porno addict!’

–N train

Man on cell: Yo, dude, I don’t know what to get! They got all kinds of shit in there!

–Outside adult video store, 14th & 6th

Overheard by: Sarah

Hot chick on cell: Why are you so stressed?! This sounds like a good thing! Don’t be so serious about it! It’ll be okay! Here, did you know there’s an animal rights group called ‘Porn Stars for Pups’?

–The Black Sheep

Overheard by: Argopelter

Guy on cell, pushing by couple with baby in stroller: I’m not going to California! I pay her twelve hundred dollars per hour. If she doesn’t sleep with Niko, then fire her! I lost a hundred thirty-eight fucking grand yesterday! Tell her what to do, and deal with it!

–Horatio & Hudson

Overheard by: Stephen Lindsay

Angry girl to friend: Seriously, Chris, can’t we go one day without talking about shizer porn?!

–East Village

It’s Like Jersey Got Rich and Took a Bath

Suit: It’s up in Connecticut, right over the river in Norwalk, I think.
Lady suit: Oh, I don’t that Connecticut, I only know Danbury.
Suit: Isn’t that in Connecticut?
Lady suit: I told you, I don’t know Connecticut.

–Maiden Lane & South Street

Yuppie guy: I don’t know, man. I’m still on Connecticut time.

–W. 56th between 5th & 6th

The Goy Scouts of America Could Not Be Reached for Comment

New Yorker guy: You know that summer camp I went to? My friend is now the head of it and I’m going to help him out next month.
Girl, laughing: Awww, you’re going to teach the kiddies how to canoe and tie slip knots?
New Yorker guy: No, I’m gonna teach them about the Holocaust.
Girl (laughs then pauses): Wow, that is not what we did at Girl Scout camp in Wisconsin.

–6th Ave & 19th St

What's More American Than Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Tess

Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!

–45th & 9th

Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…

–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens

Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!

–R Train

Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll

Please Let Go of Your Crotch, Larry

TV: ‘It’s official — Hillary Clinton is running for the presidency…’
Secretary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Secretary #2: I don’t know… I have to see who else is running.
Service associate: You think a woman can handle these 52 states? This is a big continent — you think a woman can handle that?

–Montefiore Medical Center

Headline by: Jason

Runners-Up:

· “At least we knew Monica could handle a big load” – Roxi

· “I mean, really, Debbie could only handle Dallas.” – Mikie

· “If she can’t handle the small “jobs” at home…” – Kenneth

· “Men lying about size? Yeah, a woman can handle that.” – bella


Click here to see the new Headline Contest