Archive for the ‘U.S. Geography’ Category

The Unit­ed One-Lin­ers Of Wednes­day

Fe­male suit on cell: And if we get cus­tody, we can take the girls to North Car­oli­na! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!

–37th St & Madi­son

Over­heard by: catch­ing a train

Lit­tle boy: Mom­my, is Cal­i­for­nia re­al­ly far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?

–N Train

Crazy-eyed la­dy on sub­way: The pub­lic schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he’s get­ting all As in pri­vate school! We need to stop putting mon­ey in­to Geor­gia and put mon­ey in­to our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alas­ka, be­cause if we don’t, Rus­si­a’s go­ing to get a pipeline in there and take it all!

–Up­town R Train

Over­heard by: An­na P.

20-some­thing woman: I think he’s just go­ing to club me…and drag me back to Alas­ka.

–Bleeck­er & 11th

Over­heard by: Im­ma club you

Fa­ther to five-year-old daugh­ter touch­ing sign­posts and cars: You can rub any­thing you want in Con­necti­cut, hon­ey, but we have to be care­ful in New York.

–Union Square

Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hill­bil­lies be fuck­ing chill­in’ on the block. Ain’t no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fuck­ing crazy and kills, like, ten peo­ple? Like he’s walk­ing down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.

–V Train

If You Make It Back, It Means You’re in the Fra­ter­ni­ty

Con­duc­tor: Could the loud and row­dy pas­sen­gers please calm down? We ask that pas­sen­gers on the train re­spect the oth­er rid­ers.
Sailor #1: Fuck you! Fuck you! I don’t give a fuck what you say. I do what­ev­er I want.
Sailor #2: Wait, what if he gets mad and, like, drops us off in a dif­fer­ent state?!

–6 train

News­Flash: New Jer­sey Builds Im­mi­gra­tion Wall

Yup­pie on cell cut­ting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cook­ies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yup­pie, in­to cell: I hate the fuck­ing East Side. Every­one thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t fig­ure out this fuck­ing line — all I want to do is buy some fuck­ing cook­ies… New Jer­sey is my des­tiny.

–Bak­ery, 70th & Lex