Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘U.S. Geography’ Category

Wheres­day One-Lin­ers

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Cen­tral!

–Broad­way & Wa­ver­ly

Guy on Side­kick to an­oth­er: I was­n’t sure if he was talk­ing about Buf­fa­lo or Bal­ti­more! I mean, I don’t even know where Buf­fa­lo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sob­bing on cell: You don’t un­der­stand! They told me I was sup­posed to go to Penn Sta­tion but I just don’t know where that is!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: queenof­s­cots

Guy on cell: I don’t get it–why go all the way to Ire­land if you’re not go­ing to go see Stone­henge?

–Cost­co, Brook­lyn

Girl­friend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Over­heard by: Spe­cial K

The Unit­ed States of Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Hobo: You want to know why Amer­i­ca is the land of free? Go to jail; free food, free bed.

–53rd & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Ram­blin Bradley Scott

Guy on cell: I’m just so sick of hear­ing about Gaza. So many peo­ple get­ting shot…it just sounds like LA.

–86th & CPW

Girl: “AKA” means “oth­er­wise known as.” This is Amer­i­ca!

–23 Street C sta­tion

Hip­ster guy on cell: How’s Delaware?…Aw, I’m sorry…Your grand­ma what?…Ew!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Shawn Chester­field

Hobo: I wish all of Amer­i­ca was in Jor­dan.

–Stuyvesant Park

Woman: …It’s not the mon­ey I’m wor­ried about, it’s just that
Hobo­ken taxi dri­vers are shit­heads.

–Of­fice, 50th & 6th

Woman on cell: …and I mean, where the fuck am I sup­posed to find a hook­er? This is­n’t Las Ve­gas!

–54th & 6th

Over­heard by: Eface

Tourist man: One way tick­et to Hew­ston please.

–50th Street 1 sta­tion

Tur­baned white guy: Well, ob­vi­ous­ly I’m Amer­i­can, but my pre­ferred re­li­gion is Pun­jabi.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: misha

Suit: Hawaii is so bor­ing! There’s noth­ing to do but stay calm.

–52nd & Lex­ing­ton

Girl: Have you been to the rest of the coun­try? The rest of the coun­try is not New York. They ob­vi­ous­ly don’t know any­thing about fash­ion.

–Shea Sta­di­um

The Unit­ed One-Lin­ers Of Wednes­day

Fe­male suit on cell: And if we get cus­tody, we can take the girls to North Car­oli­na! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!

–37th St & Madi­son

Over­heard by: catch­ing a train

Lit­tle boy: Mom­my, is Cal­i­for­nia re­al­ly far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?

–N Train

Crazy-eyed la­dy on sub­way: The pub­lic schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he’s get­ting all As in pri­vate school! We need to stop putting mon­ey in­to Geor­gia and put mon­ey in­to our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alas­ka, be­cause if we don’t, Rus­si­a’s go­ing to get a pipeline in there and take it all!

–Up­town R Train

Over­heard by: An­na P.

20-some­thing woman: I think he’s just go­ing to club me…and drag me back to Alas­ka.

–Bleeck­er & 11th

Over­heard by: Im­ma club you

Fa­ther to five-year-old daugh­ter touch­ing sign­posts and cars: You can rub any­thing you want in Con­necti­cut, hon­ey, but we have to be care­ful in New York.

–Union Square

Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hill­bil­lies be fuck­ing chill­in’ on the block. Ain’t no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fuck­ing crazy and kills, like, ten peo­ple? Like he’s walk­ing down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.

–V Train

If You Make It Back, It Means You’re in the Fra­ter­ni­ty

Con­duc­tor: Could the loud and row­dy pas­sen­gers please calm down? We ask that pas­sen­gers on the train re­spect the oth­er rid­ers.
Sailor #1: Fuck you! Fuck you! I don’t give a fuck what you say. I do what­ev­er I want.
Sailor #2: Wait, what if he gets mad and, like, drops us off in a dif­fer­ent state?!

–6 train