Archive for the ‘U.S. Geography’ Category

NewsFlash: New Jersey Builds Immigration Wall

Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.

–Bakery, 70th & Lex

I Could Build a Casino, Then Rob It

Thug: So, if I’m half black and half American Indian, that makes me Puerto Rico.
Thugette: I told you that you was Puerto Rican.

–149th & 3rd, Bronx

Headline by: Mariya

Runners-Up:

· “Actually, it makes you unemployed” – Mr. Bone

· “Bitch, don’t be callin’ me no adjectival form!” – was “rico”/”rican” the first thing you noticed too?

· “Dora the Explorer: South Bronx Edition” – Scott

· “Runs With Hookers didn’t excel in Ethnic Studies” – bri b

· “The new theory of relativity” – sara swank


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Do Dallas

Hobo: I was an extra in the movie [inaudible] Times Square, man! Did you see it? I was the one down on my knees screaming, ‘I’m a born-again porno addict!’

–N train

Man on cell: Yo, dude, I don’t know what to get! They got all kinds of shit in there!

–Outside adult video store, 14th & 6th

Overheard by: Sarah

Hot chick on cell: Why are you so stressed?! This sounds like a good thing! Don’t be so serious about it! It’ll be okay! Here, did you know there’s an animal rights group called ‘Porn Stars for Pups’?

–The Black Sheep

Overheard by: Argopelter

Guy on cell, pushing by couple with baby in stroller: I’m not going to California! I pay her twelve hundred dollars per hour. If she doesn’t sleep with Niko, then fire her! I lost a hundred thirty-eight fucking grand yesterday! Tell her what to do, and deal with it!

–Horatio & Hudson

Overheard by: Stephen Lindsay

Angry girl to friend: Seriously, Chris, can’t we go one day without talking about shizer porn?!

–East Village