Archive for the ‘Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!’ Category

Sadly, the Wart, Green Skin, and Pointed Hat Were Effectively Invisible Compared with the Limp Wrist, Sashaying Hips, and Love of Shoes

Girl #1: Wow, look at all the babies out here!
Polish queer: Mmm… dinner.
Girl #2: What?
Polish queer: I’m just living up to the stereotype.… Witches? Eating babies?
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant Polish people!
Guy: I thought you meant gay people!

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Ah, the University of Life

Little boy: I know three things about aliens. One, they don’t have hair. Two, they don’t have mouths. Three, they don’t have privates.
20-something: Then how do you know if it’s a boy or a girl alien?
Little boy: Um, they’re not boys or girls. They’re its… Or she-males.
20-something: Where did you learn ‘she-males’ from?!
Little boy: Third Avenue.

–N train

The Sum Of All Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: And when my brother got near him, his poop came out. That’s how scared he was.

–107th & Broadway

Woman on cell: So yeah, they are really scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark really loud, and that’s totally worse than them biting you.

–Majestic Theater

Girl on cell: I went in for genetic counseling and I found out things that scared me.

–10th Ave & 39th St

Overheard by: Todd Fletcher

Girl on cell: No, you can’t go! I’m too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.

–Supermarket, Astoria

Conductor: Never fear! The phantom of the train is here!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Alex

Now, Less Than Ever

Salesguy: Would you ladies like to come in? Can I help you find anything?
Chick #1: Oh, no thanks.
Chick #2: The perfume’s too much for us.
Salesguy: You could hold your noses.
Chick #2: Uh, I think we’d pass out eventually.
Chick #1: Yeah, you don’t want that. Ambulances are bad for business.
Salesguy: I’ve always wanted to ride in the back of an ambulance!
Chick #2: Um…
Chick #1: Actually, it’s a bit of a role reversal. We’re waiting for my husband to finish shopping.
Salesguy: Oh, which one is your husband?
Chick #1: He’s right there.
Salesguy: The one with the ponytail? Looks like a vampire? Hot.
Chick #1: Uh, yes, that’s him.
Salesguy: Boy, you’re one lucky lady.
Chick #1: I know. Thanks.
Salesguy: Hey, does he have a brother?
Chick #1: Yes.
Salesguy: Just kidding. Does he have a sister?
Chick #1: No.
Salesguy: Oh. Well, I was still kidding. You sure you don’t want to come in?

–Outside The Body Shop, 76th & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Ow! Nice Cuffs, Though

Man in knit hat, dirty shirt, and hoodie exiting elevator: Yo, what you supposed to be, a cowboy?
Guy in cowboy hat and fringe jacket: Yeah, that’s right!
Man: Well, guess what — I’m a thug! Ha! [Turns to police officer standing nearby] And what about you, you supposed to be a cop? That’s a shit costume!

–DeKalb & Flatbush

Overheard by: Johnny Tremaine