Archive for the ‘Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!’ Category

The Sum Of All Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: And when my brother got near him, his poop came out. That’s how scared he was.

–107th & Broadway

Woman on cell: So yeah, they are really scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark really loud, and that’s totally worse than them biting you.

–Majestic Theater

Girl on cell: I went in for genetic counseling and I found out things that scared me.

–10th Ave & 39th St

Overheard by: Todd Fletcher

Girl on cell: No, you can’t go! I’m too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.

–Supermarket, Astoria

Conductor: Never fear! The phantom of the train is here!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Alex

Now, Less Than Ever

Salesguy: Would you ladies like to come in? Can I help you find anything?
Chick #1: Oh, no thanks.
Chick #2: The perfume’s too much for us.
Salesguy: You could hold your noses.
Chick #2: Uh, I think we’d pass out eventually.
Chick #1: Yeah, you don’t want that. Ambulances are bad for business.
Salesguy: I’ve always wanted to ride in the back of an ambulance!
Chick #2: Um…
Chick #1: Actually, it’s a bit of a role reversal. We’re waiting for my husband to finish shopping.
Salesguy: Oh, which one is your husband?
Chick #1: He’s right there.
Salesguy: The one with the ponytail? Looks like a vampire? Hot.
Chick #1: Uh, yes, that’s him.
Salesguy: Boy, you’re one lucky lady.
Chick #1: I know. Thanks.
Salesguy: Hey, does he have a brother?
Chick #1: Yes.
Salesguy: Just kidding. Does he have a sister?
Chick #1: No.
Salesguy: Oh. Well, I was still kidding. You sure you don’t want to come in?

–Outside The Body Shop, 76th & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Ow! Nice Cuffs, Though

Man in knit hat, dirty shirt, and hoodie exiting elevator: Yo, what you supposed to be, a cowboy?
Guy in cowboy hat and fringe jacket: Yeah, that’s right!
Man: Well, guess what — I’m a thug! Ha! [Turns to police officer standing nearby] And what about you, you supposed to be a cop? That’s a shit costume!

–DeKalb & Flatbush

Overheard by: Johnny Tremaine

In That It Sucks for All Eternity

Girl #1, in line for movie: This line is so long. Maybe we should go see another movie and come back and get our phones after.
Girl #2: That’s not a bad idea. What could we see?
Girl #1: I would totally see Twilight again.
Girl #2: I didn’t see it the first time you guys went.
Girl #1: Oh my god! You would love it! Did you like Degrassi?
Girl #2: Of course! That show is awesome.
Girl #1: Well Twilight is like Degrassi but with vampires. It’s awesome!

–Loews Lincoln Center Theater

Overheard by: Suffering in silence

Wednesday One-Liners Hear the Call of Cthulhu

Hobo to teen girl with red hands: Wow, your hands are so red. You must have a condition. Yeah, that’s what it must be, a condition. You know, I have a condition, too. I’m a werewolf.

–4 train

Girl: Jewish lesbians? Are you kidding me? They don’t exist. That’s like vampire cowboys.

–16th St & Park Ave South

Overheard by: C‑Star

30-ish alternaguy: No, man, he was like a mer-wolf… You know, like a mermaid and a werewolf in one.

–Spring & Lafayette

Hot blonde: But we really are just male elves with long hair and boobs!

–140th & Broadway

Overheard by: Three-Headed Monster

Dude on cell: Yeah and then she started whinnying in excitement right on top of me, like a fucking unicorn or some shit… Yeah, I guess it was pretty hot.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Shane

Small, excited Mexican child: Is it zombies? I know — it’s the Grim Reaper!

–D train, 36th St atation

Overheard by: Jon A.