Archive for the ‘Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!’ Category

The Sum Of All Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman on cell: And when my broth­er got near him, his poop came out. That’s how scared he was.

–107th & Broad­way

Woman on cell: So yeah, they are re­al­ly scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark re­al­ly loud, and that’s to­tal­ly worse than them bit­ing you.

–Ma­jes­tic The­ater

Girl on cell: I went in for ge­net­ic coun­sel­ing and I found out things that scared me.

–10th Ave & 39th St

Over­heard by: Todd Fletch­er

Girl on cell: No, you can’t go! I’m too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.

–Su­per­mar­ket, As­to­ria

Con­duc­tor: Nev­er fear! The phan­tom of the train is here!

–7 Train

Over­heard by: Alex

How Could This Not Work?

Odd-Look­ing guy: At­ten­tion, hu­mans. I am an an­gel. An Earth an­gel. I used to speak on be­half of Je­sus Christ, but I have been pro­mot­ed to be an an­gel on Earth, to teach oth­ers how to be­come earth an­gels. I can teach you how to be­come an Earth an­gel. I can on­ly teach fe­males.

–Down­town 6 train

Over­heard by: Shi­ra

Now, Less Than Ever

Sales­guy: Would you ladies like to come in? Can I help you find any­thing?
Chick #1: Oh, no thanks.
Chick #2: The per­fume’s too much for us.
Sales­guy: You could hold your noses.
Chick #2: Uh, I think we’d pass out even­tu­al­ly.
Chick #1: Yeah, you don’t want that. Am­bu­lances are bad for busi­ness.
Sales­guy: I’ve al­ways want­ed to ride in the back of an am­bu­lance!
Chick #2: Um…
Chick #1: Ac­tu­al­ly, it’s a bit of a role re­ver­sal. We’re wait­ing for my hus­band to fin­ish shop­ping.
Sales­guy: Oh, which one is your hus­band?
Chick #1: He’s right there.
Sales­guy: The one with the pony­tail? Looks like a vam­pire? Hot.
Chick #1: Uh, yes, that’s him.
Sales­guy: Boy, you’re one lucky la­dy.
Chick #1: I know. Thanks.
Sales­guy: Hey, does he have a broth­er?
Chick #1: Yes.
Sales­guy: Just kid­ding. Does he have a sis­ter?
Chick #1: No.
Sales­guy: Oh. Well, I was still kid­ding. You sure you don’t want to come in?

–Out­side The Body Shop, 76th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Is It Too Late to Apol­o­gize for Moon­ing You?

Black girl #1: Damn, girl! You’re hairy! I dun­no if it’s cause I’m light-skinned, you’re hairy!
Black girl #2: Thanks. Thanks… (walks away)
Black girl #1: You’re like a were­wolf!

–H&M Dress­ing Room, Queens Cen­ter Mall

Over­heard by: hop­ing shes not a were­wolf too…

Ow! Nice Cuffs, Though

Man in knit hat, dirty shirt, and hood­ie ex­it­ing el­e­va­tor: Yo, what you sup­posed to be, a cow­boy?
Guy in cow­boy hat and fringe jack­et: Yeah, that’s right!
Man: Well, guess what — I’m a thug! Ha! [Turns to po­lice of­fi­cer stand­ing near­by] And what about you, you sup­posed to be a cop? That’s a shit cos­tume!

–DeKalb & Flat­bush

Over­heard by: John­ny Tremaine

In That It Sucks for All Eter­ni­ty

Girl #1, in line for movie: This line is so long. Maybe we should go see an­oth­er movie and come back and get our phones af­ter.
Girl #2: That’s not a bad idea. What could we see?
Girl #1: I would to­tal­ly see Twi­light again.
Girl #2: I did­n’t see it the first time you guys went.
Girl #1: Oh my god! You would love it! Did you like De­gras­si?
Girl #2: Of course! That show is awe­some.
Girl #1: Well Twi­light is like De­gras­si but with vam­pires. It’s awe­some!

–Loews Lin­coln Cen­ter The­ater

Over­heard by: Suf­fer­ing in si­lence

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hear the Call of Cthul­hu

Hobo to teen girl with red hands: Wow, your hands are so red. You must have a con­di­tion. Yeah, that’s what it must be, a con­di­tion. You know, I have a con­di­tion, too. I’m a were­wolf.

–4 train

Girl: Jew­ish les­bians? Are you kid­ding me? They don’t ex­ist. That’s like vam­pire cow­boys.

–16th St & Park Ave South

Over­heard by: C‑Star

30-ish al­ter­naguy: No, man, he was like a mer-wolf… You know, like a mer­maid and a were­wolf in one.

–Spring & Lafayette

Hot blonde: But we re­al­ly are just male elves with long hair and boobs!

–140th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Three-Head­ed Mon­ster

Dude on cell: Yeah and then she start­ed whin­ny­ing in ex­cite­ment right on top of me, like a fuck­ing uni­corn or some shit… Yeah, I guess it was pret­ty hot.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Shane

Small, ex­cit­ed Mex­i­can child: Is it zom­bies? I know — it’s the Grim Reaper!

–D train, 36th St ata­tion

Over­heard by: Jon A.