Young hipster: Dude, and then she told me that it was her purpose in life to make the movie Pride and Prejudice and Zombies!
Bearded hipster: Yeah, that would be epically sound!
–49th St
Archive for the ‘Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!’ Category
Sadly, the Wart, Green Skin, and Pointed Hat Were Effectively Invisible Compared with the Limp Wrist, Sashaying Hips, and Love of Shoes
Girl #1: Wow, look at all the babies out here!
Polish queer: Mmm… dinner.
Girl #2: What?
Polish queer: I’m just living up to the stereotype.… Witches? Eating babies?
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant Polish people!
Guy: I thought you meant gay people!
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Caroline
Little Anne Rice Was a Highly Particular Child
Girl dressed as vampire: Papa, did you bring snowflake?
Dad: No, baby, I forgot to pack him.
Girl dressed as vampire: Papa, I curse you.
–7 Train
Overheard by: The Vampire Newsbunny
Ah, the University of Life
Little boy: I know three things about aliens. One, they don’t have hair. Two, they don’t have mouths. Three, they don’t have privates.
20-something: Then how do you know if it’s a boy or a girl alien?
Little boy: Um, they’re not boys or girls. They’re its… Or she-males.
20-something: Where did you learn ‘she-males’ from?!
Little boy: Third Avenue.
–N train
The Sum Of All Wednesday One-Liners
Woman on cell: And when my brother got near him, his poop came out. That’s how scared he was.
–107th & Broadway
Woman on cell: So yeah, they are really scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark really loud, and that’s totally worse than them biting you.
–Majestic Theater
Girl on cell: I went in for genetic counseling and I found out things that scared me.
–10th Ave & 39th St
Overheard by: Todd Fletcher
Girl on cell: No, you can’t go! I’m too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.
–Supermarket, Astoria
Conductor: Never fear! The phantom of the train is here!
–7 Train
Overheard by: Alex
How Could This Not Work?
Odd-Looking guy: Attention, humans. I am an angel. An Earth angel. I used to speak on behalf of Jesus Christ, but I have been promoted to be an angel on Earth, to teach others how to become earth angels. I can teach you how to become an Earth angel. I can only teach females.
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: Shira
Now, Less Than Ever
Salesguy: Would you ladies like to come in? Can I help you find anything?
Chick #1: Oh, no thanks.
Chick #2: The perfume’s too much for us.
Salesguy: You could hold your noses.
Chick #2: Uh, I think we’d pass out eventually.
Chick #1: Yeah, you don’t want that. Ambulances are bad for business.
Salesguy: I’ve always wanted to ride in the back of an ambulance!
Chick #2: Um…
Chick #1: Actually, it’s a bit of a role reversal. We’re waiting for my husband to finish shopping.
Salesguy: Oh, which one is your husband?
Chick #1: He’s right there.
Salesguy: The one with the ponytail? Looks like a vampire? Hot.
Chick #1: Uh, yes, that’s him.
Salesguy: Boy, you’re one lucky lady.
Chick #1: I know. Thanks.
Salesguy: Hey, does he have a brother?
Chick #1: Yes.
Salesguy: Just kidding. Does he have a sister?
Chick #1: No.
Salesguy: Oh. Well, I was still kidding. You sure you don’t want to come in?
–Outside The Body Shop, 76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Is It Too Late to Apologize for Mooning You?
Black girl #1: Damn, girl! You’re hairy! I dunno if it’s cause I’m light-skinned, you’re hairy!
Black girl #2: Thanks. Thanks… (walks away)
Black girl #1: You’re like a werewolf!
–H&M Dressing Room, Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: hoping shes not a werewolf too…
Ow! Nice Cuffs, Though
Man in knit hat, dirty shirt, and hoodie exiting elevator: Yo, what you supposed to be, a cowboy?
Guy in cowboy hat and fringe jacket: Yeah, that’s right!
Man: Well, guess what — I’m a thug! Ha! [Turns to police officer standing nearby] And what about you, you supposed to be a cop? That’s a shit costume!
–DeKalb & Flatbush
Overheard by: Johnny Tremaine
Kids Say the Stupidest Things
A little boy sees his mom’s reflection in the window.
Boy: Mommy, are you a ghost?
–2 Train
