Archive for the ‘Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: Fact or Fic­tion?

Guy: It’s like Au­gust: Os­age Coun­ty, but with zom­bies.

–Man­hat­tan The­atre Source

Over­heard by: Emi­ly B.

Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wiz­ard.

–Dorm, Pratt In­sti­tute

Col­lege stu­dent: Ghosts? They’re like VT!

–186th St & Am­s­ter­dam

Black fe­male suit on cell: Yeah, well you bet­ta hope Tin­k­a­bell comes along… Or who­ev­er the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wish­es!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: emi­ly d.

An­noyed man on cell walk­ing down stairs: No, mom, I don’t know what were­wolves eat! No, mom, I don’t! Mom, I can’t talk right now, I’m go­ing in­to the sub­way!

–Union Square Sub­way En­trance

Over­heard by: Masked Avenger

You’ll Un­der­stand When You Have Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fraz­zled moth­er to young child: Hur­ry. Hur­ry. Look, the mon­ster is go­ing to get you if you don’t walk faster!

–Queens Mall

Moth­er to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chick­en, I’ll give you a raisin.

–Col­lege Point Shop­ping Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Yese­nia

Mom speak­ing to son: Sweet­ie, do I look like a egg­beat­er?

–Wa­ter­side Plaza

Woman on bus to child with large hear­ing aid: Sit down prop­er­ly! Are you lis­ten­ing to me?

–M23 Bus

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Moth­er to whiny tod­dler: I can’t lis­ten to you any­more! I fear for both of us.

–15th St & Uni­ver­si­ty Place

Over­heard by: Sarah M.

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Would Like to Thank the Acad­e­my

Sassy eight-year-old to moth­er: You don’t know Span­ish ex­cept what you learned from Se­le­na.

–2 Train

Chick on cell: Watch­ing 27 Dress­es in a chee­tah robe…

–110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Vir­ginia

Lit­tle boy, as his moth­er asks for di­rec­tions: Great, we’re lost in New York City. It’s like Home Alone!

–Across from Spa­malot The­atre

Fag to hag: Don’t you re­mem­ber that time on Ti­tan­ic when Leonar­do Di­Caprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your mo­ment. Spit, woman, spit!

–Nat­ur­al His­to­ry Mu­se­um

(at a screen­ing of The Shin­ing)
Woman: Ha­ha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks!

–Em­pire-Ful­ton Fer­ry State Park

Thug to an­oth­er: And she said she wan­na go to the movies. And I said I don’t wan­na go to the movies, I want some pussy!

–57th & 9th

Over­heard by: JPM

Pan­han­dler on train: Please, I can’t af­ford the rent at the YM­CA be­cause they just raised it. So if any­one has some mon­ey or some food or some­thing to drink, it would re­al­ly help me out. Je­sus loves peo­ple who help poor peo­ple. Al­so, don’t for­get to see the new sum­mer block­buster Hell­boy II. It’s re­al­ly great.

–F Train

Over­heard by: JB